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Just when I thought I'd heard it all...

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  • #1

    Just when I thought I'd heard it all...

    A customer asked me a question about the newspapers, this is how it went:

    Customer: Where are the newspapers?

    Me: (points towards lotto center) Over there.

    Customer: Outside?

    Me: By the lotto centre.


    You came in here from the parking lot, doofus! Just when I thought I'd heard all the stupid things that have come out of people's mouths, this comes along and tops them all.
    "Any kind of hereditary privilege is wrong, it's not just anti-democracy, it's just like inherent wrong" - Robert Smith
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  • #2
    or the ever famous

    "how much is this?" while pointing at the merchandise sitting right below an 8x11 sign

    "are you open?" asked while ringing up a customer right in front of them

    "is this "XYZ Store?" whereas a giant "XYZ store" bethrones the building, minature minions signs litter troughout, and obvious name badge and dress code eye assault the less dense.

    and a variation of your customer " Where is "X"? while practically leaning on the frikin item.
    “The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser men so full of doubts.”
    ― Bertrand Russell

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    • #3
      Quoth Josh View Post
      and a variation of your customer " Where is "X"? while practically leaning on the frikin item.
      No fair! I think we've all done that at one time or another... right? It's not just me? Please say it's not just me. I swear I looked for it. Yes, I know it's right under my hand but I swear I didn't see it before.
      Sorry, my cow died so I don't need your bull

      Comment

      • #4
        Quoth Josh View Post
        or the ever famous

        "how much is this?" while pointing at the merchandise sitting right below an 8x11 sign

        "are you open?" asked while ringing up a customer right in front of them

        "is this "XYZ Store?" whereas a giant "XYZ store" bethrones the building, minature minions signs litter troughout, and obvious name badge and dress code eye assault the less dense.

        and a variation of your customer " Where is "X"? while practically leaning on the frikin item.
        OMG!
        "Any kind of hereditary privilege is wrong, it's not just anti-democracy, it's just like inherent wrong" - Robert Smith

        Comment

        • #5
          Quoth EvilEmpryss View Post
          No fair! I think we've all done that at one time or another... right? It's not just me? Please say it's not just me. I swear I looked for it. Yes, I know it's right under my hand but I swear I didn't see it before.
          I did that at a gas station one time. My oil was low, so I went there looking for a quart. I looked all around and didn't see the oil, so I walked up to the counter asking if they had any. The guy smiled and told me it was right in front of me. I looked down, and sure enough, in the shelves that were built into the counter were several types of motor oil.

          I picked it up and put it on the counter to buy it, and said, "OK, I'm stupid!"

          Without missing a bit, the guy said, "No, just blind!"
          Sometimes life is altered.
          Break from the ropes your hands are tied.
          Uneasy with confrontation.
          Won't turn out right. Can't turn out right

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          • #6
            My favorite, while working my craft show booth: "Do you have any more in the back?"
            https://purplefish-quilting.square.site/

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            • #7
              Just today I had this one:

              *customer picking up a sales flyer at the savings coupon kiosk and looking dead at it*

              Can I ask you something? What dates is this ad good for?

              *me pointing to the dates at the TOP left corner of the ad over our store name with a rose pink fingernail*

              It's good through tonight, Ma'am. We'll have fresh ads out in the morning for the new ad.

              Could've sworn it was a scene out of Clerks.
              Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

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              • #8
                My very favorite: Customer walks in, looks down the first aisle literally DIRECTLY AT the ATM, then turns and asks me... wait for it....

                "Do you have an ATM?"
                "And though she be but little, she is FIERCE!"--Shakespeare

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                • #9
                  That one might just be short-sightedness that cannot be fully corrected with glasses/contact lenses.

                  Though if the customer is that short-sighted, I hope they don't drive!
                  Seshat's self-help guide:
                  1. Would you rather be right, or get the result you want?
                  2. If you're consistently getting results you don't want, change what you do.
                  3. Deal with the situation you have now, however it occurred.
                  4. Accept the consequences of your decisions.

                  "All I want is a pretty girl, a decent meal, and the right to shoot lightning at fools." - Anders, Dragon Age.

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                  • #10
                    "Can I buy my ticket here?"

                    I just can't say "No", because I know one of them will take me seriously...
                    This was one of those times where my mouth says "have a nice day" but my brain says "go step on a Lego". - RegisterAce
                    I can't make something magically appear to fulfill all your hopes and dreams. Believe me, if I could I'd be the first person I'd help. - Trixie

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                    • #11
                      I worked at an Arby's once. For anyone who doesn't have one in their town, they are popular for selling Roast Beef. A lady comes through our drive through and asks my CW, "Do you sell Roast Beef?"
                      “I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat.”
                      ― Rebecca West

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                      • #12
                        Quoth Kanalah View Post
                        My favorite, while working my craft show booth: "Do you have any more in the back?"
                        "...You mean, the booth wall right behind me?" o_O
                        "For a musician, the SNES sound engine is like using Crayola Crayons. Nobuo Uematsu used Crayola Crayons to paint the Sistine Chapel." - Jeremy Jahns (re: "Dancing Mad")
                        "The difference between an amateur and a master is that the master has failed way more times." - JoCat
                        "Thinking is difficult, therefore let the herd pronounce judgment!" ~ Carl Jung
                        "There's burning bridges, and then there's the lake just to fill it with gasoline." - Wiccy, reddit
                        "Retail is a cruel master, and could very well be the most educational time of many people's lives, in its own twisted way." - me
                        "Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down...tell you she's hurtin' 'fore she keens...makes her a home." - Capt. Malcolm Reynolds, "Serenity" (2005)
                        Acts of Gord – Read it, Learn it, Love it!
                        "Our psychic powers only work if the customer has a mind to read." - me

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                        • #13
                          Quoth Kanalah View Post
                          My favorite, while working my craft show booth: "Do you have any more in the back?"
                          Yep. They're near Uluru, so you'll have a fair hike to get them.
                          I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
                          Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
                          Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

                          Comment

                          • #14
                            Quoth Josh View Post
                            and a variation of your customer " Where is "X"? while practically leaning on the frikin item.
                            I did this once a while back, looking at one side of an aisle, when the item I wanted was directly behind me. I shook my head and said to the employee "Oh no, I've become one of THEM haven't I?" Thankfully he just laughed with me.
                            The large print giveth, and the small print taketh away.

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                            • #15
                              Quoth Josh View Post
                              and a variation of your customer " Where is "X"? while practically leaning on the frikin item.
                              ...is why I still need my mother ... to find my damn clothes ...
                              I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
                              Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
                              Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

                              Comment

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