Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

VACATION!

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • VACATION!

    So a while back Lil Sis suggested that, since our parents are definitely getting older (late 70's) and we are so scattered (Denver, Key West, UK), we should all get together at some point. That some point ended up being January. Lil Sis had the hardest road, living in England, so once we coordinated schedules, she booked her flight from the UK, then I booked my flight from Key West, and since my older sister (The Witch) lives in Denver (two hour cheapo flight to Phoenix), she was able to book her flight whenever.

    Well, today was the day, and I had been looking forward to it for quite some time. Monday, Lil Sis landed in the desert. Yesterday (Tuesday), before The Witch or I had even gotten on an airplane, both of my sisters were driving me fucking insane!

    Amusing side note: being the Patron Saint of Procrastination, every trip I take, I wind up doing laundry the night before and packing feverishly at the last minute, often to the detriment of my sleep. Well, NOT THIS TIME. Last THURSDAY, I did a shitload of laundry, and since it was all done, I actually packed my main suitcase....six days before my flight. Yeah, even I was impressed. Last night, all I had to do was pack my carry-on, and this morning all I had left was to finish the carry-on (charger for cell phone and Kindle, etc.) and pack my toiletries. So easy it was pathetic. I even had extra time to read Gravekeeper's weekly post AND respond to it.

    Hell, since I was being so uncharacteristically organized, I continued the trend by dropping the Jestermobile off with my mechanic so that he could address a couple minor issues while I am gone. My friend Popcorn picked me up at the mechanic's, we did lunch at a local pool bar (nothing says vacation like drinking beer and looking at girls in bikinis), and then he dropped me at the airport.

    I spent the majority of the short flight from Key West to Phoenix talking to the older lady next to me, who was a Northeastern judge who loved beer. We thoroughly enjoyed each other's company...one of the better conversationalists I've been stuck with on a plane! I even gave her some tips on some beers she might enjoy. She had just finished a Key West vacation, and was flying back home to work and to the snow. She did point out what she found to be the two most amusing aspects of her job: they can't start without her, and everyone stands when she walks into the room. I agreed that that was pretty freakin' cool.

    The Miami airport was....well, the Miami airport. Overpriced beer and food of decent but not great quality. But having over 2 hours to kill, what else was I going to do but eat and drink and enjoy my Kindle?

    For the first time in years, I had a non-stop flight from Florida to Phoenix, and that flight was not nearly as entertaining as my first one. One good thing, though, was that the seat between my window seat and the lady in the aisle seat stayed unoccupied on a busy full flight, so she and I had more room to stretch out. But the people on that flight were not nearly as friendly as on my first one...actually a bit rude. First time in my life that I've sneezed on an airplane (twice) and had no one say anything, such as "bless you" or "gezundheit," etc. Very odd.

    Amusingly, almost none of my friends or family got the joke when I sent them a text that read, "So my flight to Miami crashed, but with my extraordinary athletic skills, I did a cartwheel and double backflip away from the wreckage and everything is good." I thought that the mental image of me doing a backflip away from the flaming wreckage would be so over the top that the joke would be obvious to everyone.

    Clearly I overestimated my loved ones, as well as the ability for text messages to convey sarcasm and humor.

    Landed in Phoenix, got my checked bag with no problem, my best friend Neets picked me up, and immediately drove me to one of my favorite places, a Tempe brewpub. Quaffed 2.5 of their flagship beers (she would only order a second one for herself if I agreed to split it with her), had some great food (real Mexican food, oh how I missed you!), bought a t-shirt, bought a six-pack to bring home for her, her husband, and myself, and off we went, to join Golf Boy (her hubs, my buddy) for a few cold ones.

    And after much catching up, Neets and Golf Boy are snoozing in their room (GB has to work at the crack of hell), and I am still up on the computer. Jeg lag? What's that? Here it's 1:23, which means it's 3:23 my time....a time I am often still up at!

    Plans tomorrow are pretty light: see my six year old Angel niece off to school, convince Neets that we really should do a four mile jog, do breakfast with Neets at a place we've seen on the Food Network, get an old-fashioned straight razor shave (which I can't seem to get in Key West), later in the day meet up with GB and the Angel for late lunch/early dinner, and beyond that be a basic free agent for the day. (Most of my plans with the family are for the weekend.)

    Now, some questions remain:
    Will I be able to deal with both of my sisters without them driving me to the point of duct-taping their mouths shut?
    Will The Witch and I be able to execute our plan of collaborating on a dinner for the family without physically injuring one another, despite being in a small kitchen with sharp knives for an extended time together?
    Will Mom and Stepdad survive the three of us all at once, or will they say "screw this" and sneak away in the middle of the night to drive to Montana?
    Will the three of us make it through a Sunday of football playoffs and beer at a sports bar none of us have ever been to without killiing each other or driving the staff completely bonkers?
    Will I manage to not kill Neets' older daughter Bug, who at 18 is a bigger diva than Whitney Houston?
    Who DID put the bop in the bop whop a loo bop a whop sham boom?
    And what are the odds that I get pulled over by a cop and, under Arizona's new and controversial immigration laws, get deported back to Florida?
    And will my liver have a prayer of returning to Key West with me in any semblance of one piece?
    (The answer to the last one is an emphatic "NO.")

    "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
    Still A Customer."


  • #2
    Will I be able to deal with both of my sisters without them driving me to the point of duct-taping their mouths shut?
    Race tape works better... don't ask.

    Will The Witch and I be able to execute our plan of collaborating on a dinner for the family without physically injuring one another, despite being in a small kitchen with sharp knives for an extended time together?
    Uh no, not unless there is a miracle OR you use some more race tape and make her comfortable on some cushions in a safe corner - "She was collaborating via psycho...I mean...psychic-link."

    Who DID put the bop in the bop whop a loo bop a whop sham boom?
    I think it was the same guy that put the ram in the 'rama lama ding dong' and made my baby fall in love with me. *fails to keep a straight face*
    Don't tempt pixies, it never ends well.

    Avatar created by the lovely Eisa.

    Comment


    • #3
      Quoth Mishi View Post
      Race tape works better... don't ask.
      Noted. But...what IS race tape?

      Quoth Mishi View Post
      Uh no, not unless there is a miracle OR you use some more race tape and make her comfortable on some cushions in a safe corner...
      Either you have no faith in me, no faith in her, or you've really been paying attention these last few years when I've mentioned her.

      "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
      Still A Customer."

      Comment


      • #4
        Jester - I can't answer your questions, but I will wish you good luck in not maiming killing your sisters....

        I am well versed in the "gentle" art of verbal self-defense

        Once is an accident; Twice is coincidence; Thrice is a pattern.

        http://www.gofundme.com/treasurenathanwedding

        Comment


        • #5
          Quoth Jester View Post
          Noted. But...what IS race tape?
          Race Tape is used to fix race cars. I have seen it used the most in NASCAR.

          and I am jealous you are getting a vacation.
          Coffee should be strong, black and chewy! It should strip paint and frighten small children.

          My blog Darkwynd's Musings

          Comment


          • #6
            Quoth Jester View Post
            Amusing side note: being the Patron Saint of Procrastination
            I've been meaning to light candles and leave fancy cooking pans in your honor, I'll do that tomorrow.

            Quoth Jester View Post
            Will I be able to deal with both of my sisters without them driving me to the point of duct-taping their mouths shut?
            I see nothing wrong with that. Race tape It comes in an amazing array of colors so you can be a nice brother and coordinate with their outfits.

            Quoth Jester View Post
            Will I manage to not kill Neets' older daughter Bug, who at 18 is a bigger diva than Whitney Houston?
            Once again, race tape. Or spray bottle filled with water. I would think either choice would depend on your mood.
            Quoth Jester View Post
            Who DID put the bop in the bop whop a loo bop a whop sham boom?
            Bob

            Quoth Jester View Post
            And what are the odds that I get pulled over by a cop and, under Arizona's new and controversial immigration laws, get deported back to Florida?
            Depends on what you say to the cop and how much of a bribe you offer I suppose.

            Quoth Jester View Post
            And will my liver have a prayer of returning to Key West with me in any semblance of one piece?
            (The answer to the last one is an emphatic "NO.")
            You still have one?
            I'm the 5th horsemen of the apocalypse. Bringer of giggly bouncy doom, they don't talk about me much.

            Comment


            • #7
              Quoth Jester View Post
              Now, some questions remain:
              Will I be able to deal with both of my sisters without them driving me to the point of duct-taping their mouths shut?
              Will The Witch and I be able to execute our plan of collaborating on a dinner for the family without physically injuring one another, despite being in a small kitchen with sharp knives for an extended time together?
              Will Mom and Stepdad survive the three of us all at once, or will they say "screw this" and sneak away in the middle of the night to drive to Montana?
              Will the three of us make it through a Sunday of football playoffs and beer at a sports bar none of us have ever been to without killiing each other or driving the staff completely bonkers?
              Will I manage to not kill Neets' older daughter Bug, who at 18 is a bigger diva than Whitney Houston?
              Who DID put the bop in the bop whop a loo bop a whop sham boom?
              And what are the odds that I get pulled over by a cop and, under Arizona's new and controversial immigration laws, get deported back to Florida?
              And will my liver have a prayer of returning to Key West with me in any semblance of one piece?
              (The answer to the last one is an emphatic "NO.")
              No idea about any of these questions.
              Just remember it's the same crime as if you did that to a human being. Think about it is she worth it?

              One more comment: My definition of a vacay is traveling no where near family.
              I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't get my head that far up my keister!

              Who is John Galt?
              -Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

              Comment


              • #8
                Jester, if you are indeed in the kitchen with the Witch while she has a large butcher knife in her hand, and you suddenly feel the right side of your chest being pulled toward her, it may not be that magnetic barbell that you have in the piercing of your right nipple.

                It most likely is your liver wanting to put itself out of its misery!


                Mike
                Meow.........

                Comment


                • #9
                  Quoth taxguykarl View Post
                  My definition of a vacay is traveling no where near family.
                  Normally I would agree with you, at least as it pertains to my sisters. (Love my parents, was bummed didn't get to see them last time I was in Zona, as they were away at a wedding.)

                  However, Lil Sis pointed out that our parents are getting older (Stepdad's 79, Mom's 75), we are all scattered (Denver, Key West, England), and we may not get many more opportunities to all get together. Plus the situation with my awesome stepsister (in an inexplicable coma since November) added to the urgency of all this, though it was planned before that happened.

                  Yesterday was entertaining. Day 2 of my vacay began with Neets and I going to a breakfast spot we've seen on the Food Channel. We did the same thing in September, and that breakfast place was okay, but nothing great. THIS breakfast place, however, was extraordinary. If any of you ever get to Phoenix and want one of the best breakfast's around, go to Matt's Big Breakfast at 801 N. 1st St., at the corner of McKinley. You will probably have to wait (it's a small place and very popular), and it so completely and totally worth it.

                  Neets then went home and I went to an appointment I had with a barber. For my 40th birthday, I had wanted to get an old-fashioned straight razor shave, but every freakin' place in Key West said that they didn't do that anymore. So I found a place in Phoenix online that did, and went there yesterday.

                  Gentlemen: at least once in your life, do this. It not only lived up to my expectations, it exceeded them. My face was quite literally smoother than it had been since I was about 12. Hell, today I won't even need to shave...that's how close they shaved my face. And the amusing part is my family has not seen me cleanshaven since 1998.

                  After treating myself right, I went to visit my stepsister. It was...disturbing. (You may want to skip this paragraph if you tuned in just to see the latest fun stuff in my vacay. This was not fun.) She was awake physically, but just completely unresponsive, as she has been. It was very bizarre, seeing her laying there with her eyes open, blinking, but not doing anything else. Mom had tried to prepare me ahead of time by telling me that Stepsis's eyes were vacant, but they didn't look vacant to me at all. It honestly just looked like she was laying there chilling, ignoring the world, thinking her own thoughts. That actually may have been more disturbing to me than had she had a vacant look and had her mouth open drooling, as I half expected. She just looked annoyed and tired. I told her she needed to wake up (as many of us have been doing on a facebook page set up for her), not only because we need to do wings and beer again, as we did when I was here in September, but because she needs to come party with me in Key West, as she had planned to do this spring. I told her I'd even spring for her airfare. I also talked to her caregivers (the neurological center released her to a care facility that treats cases like this), and they are working with her to try to get some kind of sensory stimulus response. So far, she has been unresponsive, and her current prognosis is just one huge question mark. While I was there, a couple of the staff brought in a radio for her, as part of her sensory therapy, but the radio was a piece of crap and, according to them, the only one they really had in the facility. Finally seeing something that I could DO, I marched out of there, hopped in my truck, and went to the nearest shopping center, where I got Stepsis a new radio, and also picked up some mums for her (they seemed lively and colorful and friendly to me). I also tried turning her tv to ESPN (she's a football fan like the rest of us), but the care facility apparently doesn't get ESPN on their tv's. As I expected, I left there very emotional and went straight to a bar. People who say that there is never a "need" to drink can kiss my fucking ass...sometimes there really is.

                  Back to the fun: went to a bar off of Mill Ave in downtown Tempe that I had accidentally discovered on my last trip here. It's called Bison Witches, and it has a great selection of beer, so naturally my kind of place. Started off with a Four Peaks Kiltlifter, a local favorite, and continued on with a few other new brews, finishing with a Moose Drool, which I had first had on my prior trip here. Spent a couple hours in the bar talking beer with the bartender and sampling a few different brews, then met up with Golf Boy and his and Neets' six year old for dinner at a place he wanted to try called Grind. Suggestion: eat at either of these places, you will NOT be disappointed. While I only had chips and salsa at Bison Witches, I saw the portions of that and other offerings, and they are enough to feed the Bolivian Army. And the food at Grind? Well, it's a rare event when you can say that in one day you've had one of the best breakfasts AND one of the best dinners of your life. The asparagus and goat cheese appetizer at Grind was heavenly, with the best goat cheese I've ever had...and I love goat cheese, so this is saying something. And I was amused by Bear...we had ordered her the mac and cheese, but she seemed far more content to eat part of GB's portabello sandwich and some of the asparagus. Now, how many six year olds do you know that eat portabellos, asparagus, and goat cheese? Me, I know one.

                  After driving home, still feeling very emotional from my earlier visit with Stepsis, I told GB to drop me at a local bar where I could get, as I said, "lost." He dropped me at their neighborhood sports bar, which I have been in before, and which is great. I knew Neets wanted to have a drink with me after she got off work, so I had GB text her where she could find me. I then proceeded to crawl into a beer glass for the next few hours...I told the wonderful bartender that I was not driving and, due to my day, needed to destroy my liver. She was a wonderful accomplice in that endeavor, both before and after Neets arrived. (We walked home, for those wondering....when I leave here today, I need to drop Neets off at her car.)

                  Day 3 should be interesting. My family is going to go see Stepsis, but I wanted to see her alone, as dealing with that was enough, dealing with that and my sisters....a bit much, I think. I may join up with them for a bit...not sure. Will be meeting up for drinks tonight with Nurse Betty and another friend from highschool, Music Girl, and Music Girl's wife. (They were married this past summer, but I was unable to attend.) But overall, I have the day pretty free.....probably going to do a little shopping. What, more ASU gear? Me? Hell yes!

                  (NOTE: Some of you may be wondering what the hell I am doing on CS.com on my vacation. Honestly, I am doing these posts while I am waking up, which I often do at home anyway. And considering yesterday's events AND the massive hangover I woke up with....I wasn't going to be moving quickly for a while today!)
                  Last edited by Jester; 01-21-2011, 04:26 PM.

                  "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
                  Still A Customer."

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    dang Jester... write a novel why donchya!
                    Aside from your stepsister's baffling plight, I'm glad you're having a good time... no mention of the Beast or the Better-Sister... >_> I'm a tad apprehensive...
                    also, the image of a six year old girl nomming on those items is adorable. :3 feel free to tell 'Neets' that a strange internet-girl told you so.
                    "Is it the lie that keeps you sane? Is this the lie that keeps you sane?What is it?Can it be?Ought it to exist?"
                    "...and may it be that I cleave to the ugly truth, rather than the beautiful lie..."

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      A lot more to tell ya all about, but don't really have the time right now....at Mom's about to go watch the NFL playoffs with my sisters.

                      Look for a longer update tonight or tomorrow.

                      (No sibling murders yet, though.)

                      "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
                      Still A Customer."

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I'm sorry about your stepsister. That was really sweet of you to get her a decent radio. From what little I understand about stuff like this, it's very possible that she can hear and understand you, even if she can't respond. So the radio is good but hearing your voice, and the voices of others in her family, might be even better.

                        I hope they figure out what's wrong and find a way to help her.
                        When you start at zero, everything's progress.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          More on both my stepsister and the rest of my vacation away from home at home shortly. I am, however, safely at home having arrived from home yesterday. Just a bit tired from my journeys between homes. It's enough to have me tossed into a home.

                          "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
                          Still A Customer."

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Glad you made it back safe.
                            "Is it the lie that keeps you sane? Is this the lie that keeps you sane?What is it?Can it be?Ought it to exist?"
                            "...and may it be that I cleave to the ugly truth, rather than the beautiful lie..."

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Quoth teh_blumchenkinder View Post
                              Glad you made it back safe.
                              And didn't kill anyone...or did you?!
                              I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't get my head that far up my keister!

                              Who is John Galt?
                              -Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X