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Karl, I admit to NOTHING! 
Much delayed, the rest of my vacation, as I recall it.....(might want to pull up a chair....this is going to be a long one!)
FRIDAY: Thursday night at Grind, Golf Boy had noticed something rather disturbing: the tags on the SUV I was driving had expired. In October. And he and Neets had completely forgotten about it. And here I am, driving in my normal aggressive style all over town with expired tags. Thanks, guys! GB immediately got on his smart phone, got on the DMV website, and re-registered the truck. So it was legal before we even left Grind. However, it's tags were still expired. So Friday morning when Neets and I drove to the sports bar to get her car, she took the SUV and I took her car. Our thinking was that it would be better if the SUV got pulled over for the tags for one of the owners of record to be driving it. Also, as Neets pointed out, I was going to be driving many more miles than she was that week, going across town several times (Phoenix is HUGE). Naturally, her car had a really bizarre clutch that took me some time to get used to.
In any case, to combat my hangover, I had lunch at the same sports bar I had gotten plowed at the day before. Finished up around 1, and realizing that my older sister's plane would have already landed and my family was probably all at my stepsister's facility, definitely not expecting me, I decided to surprise them by actually making an appearance. And they were indeed surprised...and since it was the first time any of them had seen me clean shaven in over a decade, my other almost didn't recognize me! Step Sis looked far more stressed out this day than she had the day before, but then, there were a lot more people present: Mom, Stepdad, The Witch, and Lil Sis, in addition to me and the therapists and staff, who kept coming in for various duties. And The Witch can stress anyone out....after all, I am the calm and quiet one in the family. And I am hardly much of either!
At one point it was pointed out that the fan that the facility had blowing on Step Sis (to keep her cool, as tends to perspire in her current condition) was REALLY EFFING LOUD! I knew it was loud when it was actually drowning out my older sister. Well, Step Sis needed a new fan. I'd get her one. The Witch came with me to the store to get a prep knife for Saturday's dinner. (My mom's kitchen is not nearly as well-equipped as mine or The Witch's, and her knives were not really up to our standards.) We got the fan, and after five minutes of staring at the directions cluelessly, I gave up and let Stepdad and The Witch put the damn thing together. (I have a lot of talents. Putting together an oscillating fan with a stand is clearly not one of them..) At one point Mom asked me if I could afford to buy these things for Step Sis. I pointed out that these were things for Step Sis, and frankly, I would just go without a few beers if I had to. Since Mom is always on my about my drinking, she had precisely zero argument.
After some more hanging out, and meeting with one of the directors to bring the whole family up to speed on Step Sis's situation, the rest of the family went back to the West Valley, and I, having some time to kill, did a little shopping at a local mall, finding exactly nothing that I was looking for.
Then it was off to dinner with Nurse Betty, Music Girl, her wife, and the parents of another old friend from high school, who was good friends with both me and Music Girl, and whose parents love us both--they were at MG's wedding, and back in my college days, when the dorms were closed between semesters, I would usually stay at their house. I showed up dressed to the nines, as Nurse Betty had never really seen me dressed up (and I clean up WELL). We had a great dinner, with great conversation, including showing pictures from MG's wedding and trading stories about various things, including the story of The Drunkest I've Ever Been, which our friend's parents were actually involved with, but did not know the whole story until this night (which surprised me). And then someone, probably MG or NB, prodded me to do some magic tricks....which, of course, I did, wowing not just the table, but some of the staff as well. (Debbie the manager: "If that card is under my hand, I'm buying you a beer." Debbie, you still owe me a beer!) I thoroughly enjoyed this set, not just because it was a bunch of good friends, but because I knew that our friend's dad would be (and was) watching VERY closely to try to spot what I was doing....and he couldn't. (Yay me!) He even gave me a compliment on the show, which told me I had nailed it. And then the parents went home and the four of us stayed for karaoke, which was hilarious.
SATURDAY:Started of with delays, and then continued with delays. First Nurse Betty took forever to get up and dressed and ready to go. Add to this that it took many phone conversations to determine that I would be picking Step Sis's son and bringing him across town to the parents' house, and that he would either stay there overnight or go back home with his mom's boyfriend, who would be arriving later.
So after I finally got the car packed up, Nurse Betty and I were off to get...no, wait. The sisters are complaining that Mom doesn't have enough blankets. Can I bring some blankets or sleeping bags?
Fine. No problem. Neets and Golf Boy are avid campers, and have sleeping bags coming out of their wazoos. Of course, I had not planned on that detour, but when I mentioned it to Neets, she pointed out that I could either be the Really Cool Brother and be better than my bickering sisters, or I could be selfish. When she put it that way, what choice did I have? (Nurse Betty said she would have chosen the second option. As it turned out, I should have listened to her.)
So now we were off to get....no, fuck. The car's low on gas. Gotta stop and gas up. Since we were in NB's area, she knew the right exit to get off the freeway and get gas, right? Um, apparently not. Several miles out of our way, we finally got the car gassed up, and it was off to get my nephew....
No, wait, gotta get the sleeping bags first. Damn it. Off to Neets'. And right as we get there, Neets pulls up in Golf Boy's green car (not the truck--they have three vehicles) and tells me I am going to be driving THAT one, not her white one. I look at her and simply say, "No." "What?" "No. I am not switching vehicles again. I am also not unloading one car and loading another car when I have everything already loaded in the first car. And I'm already running late. So, no. I am keeping the white car." And, while Neets stood there stunned, I grabbed the sleeping bags, tossed them in the white car, and NB and I took off. And (as I found out later), Neets turned to her husband and asked, "Did he really just tell me that he is NOT giving me MY car back?" To which they both laughed. And NB and I were laughing about it too. In the white car.
So, back on the freeway, off to pick up Nephew. Call his father for directions, tells me to go to the end of the freeway, and he's practically right there....wait, what's this? The freeway is closed two miles from the end. Can't get there this way. Get redirected. Fuck. Finally get to the house....and of course, Nephew's Dad wants to chat. Which, being polite, I do. FINALLY we get Nephew and his stuff in the car (the white one...hehehhe....) and we're off to my paren--wait, no. Everyone's hungry, no one's had breakfast.
Well, where is a good breakfast spot? After IHOP and Waffle House are suggested (and vetoed vehemently by me), we finally find a chain restaurant and have lunch. Shit, it's 11 already...might as well.
FINALLY we get on the freeway to Mom's. YAY! We can even use the HOV lane. Yay! (On the weekends, any vehicle can.) It's Saturday, no sporting events, not much traffic. Yay! We make great time getting up there...except we take the wrong freeway north off the 10, and wind up way east of where Mom lives. Fuck.
Finally we get to the right area, and now it's my turn to cause delays. My sisters and I were determined to watch the football playoff games in a cool sports bar, and I had the names of four of them that I had researched online. One of them had great tv's, but the online reviews unanimously gave them very low marks for their food. Another one just didn't sound like our kind of place. (One review said it would be a great place for the "blue hair crowd.") So I stopped at the third place...and was out the door in under 30 seconds. It felt like (and was) an off track betting place, and had all the charm of a lumber yard. The fourth place seemed better, with a decent selection of beers, and the menu didn't look too bad, but it seemed so....sterile. Like a cafeteria. But while talking to the bartender and one of the patrons about the situation, the patron suggested an Irish pub down the road. Despite a cranky woman and sleeping 11 year old in the car, I had to check it out.
As soon as I walked in, I knew it was perfect. Great atmosphere. Great tv's.
Great looking menu. 19 drafts. THIS was The Place!
Finally, 3 hours after I left my Nephew's house, we arrived at my Mom's house....a trip that should only have taken 1 hour or less. (Admittedly, our lunch was part of that 3 hours.)
....to be continued....
Much delayed, the rest of my vacation, as I recall it.....(might want to pull up a chair....this is going to be a long one!)
FRIDAY: Thursday night at Grind, Golf Boy had noticed something rather disturbing: the tags on the SUV I was driving had expired. In October. And he and Neets had completely forgotten about it. And here I am, driving in my normal aggressive style all over town with expired tags. Thanks, guys! GB immediately got on his smart phone, got on the DMV website, and re-registered the truck. So it was legal before we even left Grind. However, it's tags were still expired. So Friday morning when Neets and I drove to the sports bar to get her car, she took the SUV and I took her car. Our thinking was that it would be better if the SUV got pulled over for the tags for one of the owners of record to be driving it. Also, as Neets pointed out, I was going to be driving many more miles than she was that week, going across town several times (Phoenix is HUGE). Naturally, her car had a really bizarre clutch that took me some time to get used to.
In any case, to combat my hangover, I had lunch at the same sports bar I had gotten plowed at the day before. Finished up around 1, and realizing that my older sister's plane would have already landed and my family was probably all at my stepsister's facility, definitely not expecting me, I decided to surprise them by actually making an appearance. And they were indeed surprised...and since it was the first time any of them had seen me clean shaven in over a decade, my other almost didn't recognize me!
Step Sis looked far more stressed out this day than she had the day before, but then, there were a lot more people present: Mom, Stepdad, The Witch, and Lil Sis, in addition to me and the therapists and staff, who kept coming in for various duties. And The Witch can stress anyone out....after all, I am the calm and quiet one in the family. And I am hardly much of either! At one point it was pointed out that the fan that the facility had blowing on Step Sis (to keep her cool, as tends to perspire in her current condition) was REALLY EFFING LOUD! I knew it was loud when it was actually drowning out my older sister. Well, Step Sis needed a new fan. I'd get her one. The Witch came with me to the store to get a prep knife for Saturday's dinner. (My mom's kitchen is not nearly as well-equipped as mine or The Witch's, and her knives were not really up to our standards.) We got the fan, and after five minutes of staring at the directions cluelessly, I gave up and let Stepdad and The Witch put the damn thing together. (I have a lot of talents. Putting together an oscillating fan with a stand is clearly not one of them..) At one point Mom asked me if I could afford to buy these things for Step Sis. I pointed out that these were things for Step Sis, and frankly, I would just go without a few beers if I had to. Since Mom is always on my about my drinking, she had precisely zero argument.
After some more hanging out, and meeting with one of the directors to bring the whole family up to speed on Step Sis's situation, the rest of the family went back to the West Valley, and I, having some time to kill, did a little shopping at a local mall, finding exactly nothing that I was looking for.
Then it was off to dinner with Nurse Betty, Music Girl, her wife, and the parents of another old friend from high school, who was good friends with both me and Music Girl, and whose parents love us both--they were at MG's wedding, and back in my college days, when the dorms were closed between semesters, I would usually stay at their house. I showed up dressed to the nines, as Nurse Betty had never really seen me dressed up (and I clean up WELL). We had a great dinner, with great conversation, including showing pictures from MG's wedding and trading stories about various things, including the story of The Drunkest I've Ever Been, which our friend's parents were actually involved with, but did not know the whole story until this night (which surprised me). And then someone, probably MG or NB, prodded me to do some magic tricks....which, of course, I did, wowing not just the table, but some of the staff as well. (Debbie the manager: "If that card is under my hand, I'm buying you a beer." Debbie, you still owe me a beer!) I thoroughly enjoyed this set, not just because it was a bunch of good friends, but because I knew that our friend's dad would be (and was) watching VERY closely to try to spot what I was doing....and he couldn't. (Yay me!) He even gave me a compliment on the show, which told me I had nailed it. And then the parents went home and the four of us stayed for karaoke, which was hilarious.
SATURDAY:Started of with delays, and then continued with delays. First Nurse Betty took forever to get up and dressed and ready to go. Add to this that it took many phone conversations to determine that I would be picking Step Sis's son and bringing him across town to the parents' house, and that he would either stay there overnight or go back home with his mom's boyfriend, who would be arriving later.
So after I finally got the car packed up, Nurse Betty and I were off to get...no, wait. The sisters are complaining that Mom doesn't have enough blankets. Can I bring some blankets or sleeping bags?
Fine. No problem. Neets and Golf Boy are avid campers, and have sleeping bags coming out of their wazoos. Of course, I had not planned on that detour, but when I mentioned it to Neets, she pointed out that I could either be the Really Cool Brother and be better than my bickering sisters, or I could be selfish. When she put it that way, what choice did I have? (Nurse Betty said she would have chosen the second option. As it turned out, I should have listened to her.) So now we were off to get....no, fuck. The car's low on gas. Gotta stop and gas up. Since we were in NB's area, she knew the right exit to get off the freeway and get gas, right? Um, apparently not. Several miles out of our way, we finally got the car gassed up, and it was off to get my nephew....
No, wait, gotta get the sleeping bags first. Damn it. Off to Neets'. And right as we get there, Neets pulls up in Golf Boy's green car (not the truck--they have three vehicles) and tells me I am going to be driving THAT one, not her white one. I look at her and simply say, "No." "What?" "No. I am not switching vehicles again. I am also not unloading one car and loading another car when I have everything already loaded in the first car. And I'm already running late. So, no. I am keeping the white car." And, while Neets stood there stunned, I grabbed the sleeping bags, tossed them in the white car, and NB and I took off. And (as I found out later), Neets turned to her husband and asked, "Did he really just tell me that he is NOT giving me MY car back?" To which they both laughed. And NB and I were laughing about it too. In the white car.
So, back on the freeway, off to pick up Nephew. Call his father for directions, tells me to go to the end of the freeway, and he's practically right there....wait, what's this? The freeway is closed two miles from the end. Can't get there this way. Get redirected. Fuck. Finally get to the house....and of course, Nephew's Dad wants to chat. Which, being polite, I do. FINALLY we get Nephew and his stuff in the car (the white one...hehehhe....) and we're off to my paren--wait, no. Everyone's hungry, no one's had breakfast.
Well, where is a good breakfast spot? After IHOP and Waffle House are suggested (and vetoed vehemently by me), we finally find a chain restaurant and have lunch. Shit, it's 11 already...might as well.
FINALLY we get on the freeway to Mom's. YAY! We can even use the HOV lane. Yay! (On the weekends, any vehicle can.) It's Saturday, no sporting events, not much traffic. Yay! We make great time getting up there...except we take the wrong freeway north off the 10, and wind up way east of where Mom lives. Fuck.
Finally we get to the right area, and now it's my turn to cause delays. My sisters and I were determined to watch the football playoff games in a cool sports bar, and I had the names of four of them that I had researched online. One of them had great tv's, but the online reviews unanimously gave them very low marks for their food. Another one just didn't sound like our kind of place. (One review said it would be a great place for the "blue hair crowd.") So I stopped at the third place...and was out the door in under 30 seconds. It felt like (and was) an off track betting place, and had all the charm of a lumber yard. The fourth place seemed better, with a decent selection of beers, and the menu didn't look too bad, but it seemed so....sterile. Like a cafeteria. But while talking to the bartender and one of the patrons about the situation, the patron suggested an Irish pub down the road. Despite a cranky woman and sleeping 11 year old in the car, I had to check it out.
As soon as I walked in, I knew it was perfect. Great atmosphere. Great tv's.
Great looking menu. 19 drafts. THIS was The Place!
Finally, 3 hours after I left my Nephew's house, we arrived at my Mom's house....a trip that should only have taken 1 hour or less. (Admittedly, our lunch was part of that 3 hours.)
....to be continued....
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