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As anyone who's been reading this site for a while knows, I like to cook. Wait, no...I love to cook. And I compete in cookoffs and cooking competitions whenever I can. And I've not done badly in them; I took second place a few months ago for my garlic-braised lamb with Chianti glaze, for example.
And one facet of this part of my life has been chili. A few years ago, when I cooked my first chili ever for a chili cookoff, I took second place out of fifteen entries, and I was stoked. Being one of the few Southwesterners on the island, I felt I had to represent. And so I caught the chili bug. And have been making chili for chili cookoffs ever since. About a year and a half ago, in a chili cookoff at Local Dive Bar, they had a cookoff with different categories, and in traditional, the largest category, I took fourth out of 16. And last year, in a chili cookoff at Local Barbecue Resort, I took third out of 15, and my collaboration with my friend on a white seafood chili took 5th.
But 1st place has eluded me in chili cookoffs, and actually I have not won any cookoffs in a couple of years, which was beginning to bug me a bit. Because while I love to cook just to cook, I also like to compete, and I very much like to have my efforts validated. That being said, over the last year I have very much calmed down and haven't cared that much if I win or not, as long as my dish comes out the way I want it to.
That being said, I had been looking forward to the next chili cookoff at Local Dive Bar for quite a while, for a couple reasons, and had expected it to be after Thanksgiving, as the one in '09 was....but nothing, not a word from them this last November. And then a few weeks ago, I heard....chili cookoff at Local's on February 20th. Hot damn!
As I said, I had been looking forward to this for a couple of reasons. One, of course, was another shot at perfecting my recipe that I had been working on for all these years. The other being the whole heat thing. See, at the last chili cookoff with categories at Local's, while I took 4th of 16 in Traditional, I also tasted the seven chilis in the Caliente (Hot) Division, and was less than impressed. Five of them weren't even as hot as my Traditional, and the two that were hotter weren't really all THAT hot. So I decided that day that the next time they did one with a Hot category, I was going to make a scorcher, in addition to my regular.
And that is how I spent yesterday, slaving away in the kitchen, preparing with loving care two different batches of chili. First, my latest tweak on my signature chili recipe (which includes sirloin steak, pork tenderloin, chorizo sausage, smoked bacon, serrano peppers, and chipotle peppers, among other things), which was nice, dark, smoky, with a beautiful slow burn to it. And secondly, the chili I would call Devil's Ass chili, which was designed to hurt people. (Other than chiliheads, of course, some of whom like spice so much that I suspect they are not really human.) I was very proud of the fact that I made the Devil's Ass with no hot sauces or extracts, but got all the spiciness from regular dried spices and actual hot peppers. I mean, I could have made it much hotter, even inedible, but what's the point in that? I wanted to make it tasty, but still ridiculously hot. And I did, using jalapenos, serranos, chipotles, habaneros, and the dreaded ghost peppers (three times hotter than habaneros).
Other than slightly burning the onions when I was prepping the Devil's Ass, both chilis came out pretty much the way I wanted them. Although to be honest, I was scared to actually try the Devil's Ass chili myself. So I used my new roommate as a guinea pig, as he likes stupidly spicy stuff. And he actually scared me when he told me that the Devil's Ass chili was no spicier than Wendy's chili. Had I fucked up? Had I made the chili too flavorful and sacrificed heat? What the fuck was wrong? But realizing that my roomie might be one of these inhumans I mentioned earlier, I had him try my signature chili...and he said it had no spice at all. Which told me he was, in fact, not human, as I knew my chili had some major zip and afterburn. This also told me that the Devil's Ass chili was a scorcher....at least to humans.
So I met up with my friend Cookie (who also made both a regular and a hot chili), heated up our chilis at her place, and went to Local's, which is right by Cookie's place. One thing we both liked about this even was that the winners wold be determined by a panel of judges, rather than how most fundraiser cookoffs are determined, which is by the most votes for each dish, opening up the possibility of stuffing the ballot box as it were by your friends (which I have seen happen). Frankly, I want to win on merit, not on who has the most buddies show up. And Cookie agrees.
So the judges come around, trying everyone's chili, saying nothing. Then everyone else came around, and both Cookie and I got good compliments on both of our chilis, though my signature chili got some seriously great comments. And I did get a few great reactions from the Devil's Ass, such as "With all due respect...fuck you!", "Good god, are you trying to kill me?", "We can't stop crying!", and "I fucking hate you!" All of which I took as compliments for that chili. After all, I wanted to bring the pain, and apparently I did. Except, of course, to the chiliheads, some of whom honestly said things like "Where's the spice?" I told you...these people are not human.
So eventually the time came to announce winners. In the White Chili category, there being only one entry, that person took first place. No one was surprised. Of all the white chilis there, I did think it was the best.
In the Caliente category, Cookie took third place, and was thrilled. Personally, I thought her hot was better than her traditional. Amusingly, she had vowed that her hot would be hotter than mine. It wasn't. Without question, the Devil's Ass was the hottest one there. It was not, however, one of the three best there, as it did not place. Which was fine with me...I had accomplished what I had set out to do. (And to be perfectly honest, I had said all week that I actually would have been pissed off if my hot chili won and my signature chili did not. Since, of course, I was only trying to bring the pain.)
Then came time for the largest category, Traditional. My friend HA, who I used to work with at Waterfront Bar, took third, with the first chili she ever made. (It was very tasty, but a bit dry...she needed a bit more broth. I have no doubt her next one will kick ass.) Second place went to Cookie, who was clearly kicking ass and taking names. And now the moment of truth. Did I win, or did I not even place, coming in behind two chilis that, while good, were in my mind were not as good as my baby.
"First place.......Jester!"
YES! Finally! The award that had eluded me so long!
Did I freak? Damn straight! Called my mom, texted my friends, basked in the glory. I knew I could make a winning chili, and now I had proven it. And I got many, many compliments from people, the best of which was completely silent: an empty pot before the event ended. (The Devil's Ass was still quite full.)
(One amusing sidenote: first place came with, among other things, a bottle of vodka. Second place got a bottle of rum. I don't drink vodka, but I love rum. Cookie doesn't drink rum, but loves vodka. Naturally, we switched bottles!)
And so the day ended on a--actually, that was not the end. Another bar, Desi's, was having a chili cookoff as well. I suggested to Cookie that we take our leftovers and go enter that one. Which we did. Neither of us placed (it was a customer voting situation/fundraiser), but we had a blast, and I hurt more people. And the kicker for me was that the musician at Desi's kept mentioning my chili by name, because A. he liked it, and B. it had a great name. "Have some more chili folks...especially the Devil's Ass!"
Sadly, I can never cook my chili for my mother, as she does not like spicy food, but......
What a great fucking day!
Redemption!
And one facet of this part of my life has been chili. A few years ago, when I cooked my first chili ever for a chili cookoff, I took second place out of fifteen entries, and I was stoked. Being one of the few Southwesterners on the island, I felt I had to represent. And so I caught the chili bug. And have been making chili for chili cookoffs ever since. About a year and a half ago, in a chili cookoff at Local Dive Bar, they had a cookoff with different categories, and in traditional, the largest category, I took fourth out of 16. And last year, in a chili cookoff at Local Barbecue Resort, I took third out of 15, and my collaboration with my friend on a white seafood chili took 5th.
But 1st place has eluded me in chili cookoffs, and actually I have not won any cookoffs in a couple of years, which was beginning to bug me a bit. Because while I love to cook just to cook, I also like to compete, and I very much like to have my efforts validated. That being said, over the last year I have very much calmed down and haven't cared that much if I win or not, as long as my dish comes out the way I want it to.
That being said, I had been looking forward to the next chili cookoff at Local Dive Bar for quite a while, for a couple reasons, and had expected it to be after Thanksgiving, as the one in '09 was....but nothing, not a word from them this last November. And then a few weeks ago, I heard....chili cookoff at Local's on February 20th. Hot damn!
As I said, I had been looking forward to this for a couple of reasons. One, of course, was another shot at perfecting my recipe that I had been working on for all these years. The other being the whole heat thing. See, at the last chili cookoff with categories at Local's, while I took 4th of 16 in Traditional, I also tasted the seven chilis in the Caliente (Hot) Division, and was less than impressed. Five of them weren't even as hot as my Traditional, and the two that were hotter weren't really all THAT hot. So I decided that day that the next time they did one with a Hot category, I was going to make a scorcher, in addition to my regular.
And that is how I spent yesterday, slaving away in the kitchen, preparing with loving care two different batches of chili. First, my latest tweak on my signature chili recipe (which includes sirloin steak, pork tenderloin, chorizo sausage, smoked bacon, serrano peppers, and chipotle peppers, among other things), which was nice, dark, smoky, with a beautiful slow burn to it. And secondly, the chili I would call Devil's Ass chili, which was designed to hurt people. (Other than chiliheads, of course, some of whom like spice so much that I suspect they are not really human.) I was very proud of the fact that I made the Devil's Ass with no hot sauces or extracts, but got all the spiciness from regular dried spices and actual hot peppers. I mean, I could have made it much hotter, even inedible, but what's the point in that? I wanted to make it tasty, but still ridiculously hot. And I did, using jalapenos, serranos, chipotles, habaneros, and the dreaded ghost peppers (three times hotter than habaneros).
Other than slightly burning the onions when I was prepping the Devil's Ass, both chilis came out pretty much the way I wanted them. Although to be honest, I was scared to actually try the Devil's Ass chili myself. So I used my new roommate as a guinea pig, as he likes stupidly spicy stuff. And he actually scared me when he told me that the Devil's Ass chili was no spicier than Wendy's chili. Had I fucked up? Had I made the chili too flavorful and sacrificed heat? What the fuck was wrong? But realizing that my roomie might be one of these inhumans I mentioned earlier, I had him try my signature chili...and he said it had no spice at all. Which told me he was, in fact, not human, as I knew my chili had some major zip and afterburn. This also told me that the Devil's Ass chili was a scorcher....at least to humans.
So I met up with my friend Cookie (who also made both a regular and a hot chili), heated up our chilis at her place, and went to Local's, which is right by Cookie's place. One thing we both liked about this even was that the winners wold be determined by a panel of judges, rather than how most fundraiser cookoffs are determined, which is by the most votes for each dish, opening up the possibility of stuffing the ballot box as it were by your friends (which I have seen happen). Frankly, I want to win on merit, not on who has the most buddies show up. And Cookie agrees.
So the judges come around, trying everyone's chili, saying nothing. Then everyone else came around, and both Cookie and I got good compliments on both of our chilis, though my signature chili got some seriously great comments. And I did get a few great reactions from the Devil's Ass, such as "With all due respect...fuck you!", "Good god, are you trying to kill me?", "We can't stop crying!", and "I fucking hate you!" All of which I took as compliments for that chili. After all, I wanted to bring the pain, and apparently I did. Except, of course, to the chiliheads, some of whom honestly said things like "Where's the spice?" I told you...these people are not human.
So eventually the time came to announce winners. In the White Chili category, there being only one entry, that person took first place. No one was surprised. Of all the white chilis there, I did think it was the best.
In the Caliente category, Cookie took third place, and was thrilled. Personally, I thought her hot was better than her traditional. Amusingly, she had vowed that her hot would be hotter than mine. It wasn't. Without question, the Devil's Ass was the hottest one there. It was not, however, one of the three best there, as it did not place. Which was fine with me...I had accomplished what I had set out to do. (And to be perfectly honest, I had said all week that I actually would have been pissed off if my hot chili won and my signature chili did not. Since, of course, I was only trying to bring the pain.)
Then came time for the largest category, Traditional. My friend HA, who I used to work with at Waterfront Bar, took third, with the first chili she ever made. (It was very tasty, but a bit dry...she needed a bit more broth. I have no doubt her next one will kick ass.) Second place went to Cookie, who was clearly kicking ass and taking names. And now the moment of truth. Did I win, or did I not even place, coming in behind two chilis that, while good, were in my mind were not as good as my baby.
"First place.......Jester!"
YES! Finally! The award that had eluded me so long!
Did I freak? Damn straight! Called my mom, texted my friends, basked in the glory. I knew I could make a winning chili, and now I had proven it. And I got many, many compliments from people, the best of which was completely silent: an empty pot before the event ended. (The Devil's Ass was still quite full.)
(One amusing sidenote: first place came with, among other things, a bottle of vodka. Second place got a bottle of rum. I don't drink vodka, but I love rum. Cookie doesn't drink rum, but loves vodka. Naturally, we switched bottles!)
And so the day ended on a--actually, that was not the end. Another bar, Desi's, was having a chili cookoff as well. I suggested to Cookie that we take our leftovers and go enter that one. Which we did. Neither of us placed (it was a customer voting situation/fundraiser), but we had a blast, and I hurt more people. And the kicker for me was that the musician at Desi's kept mentioning my chili by name, because A. he liked it, and B. it had a great name. "Have some more chili folks...especially the Devil's Ass!"
Sadly, I can never cook my chili for my mother, as she does not like spicy food, but......
What a great fucking day!
Redemption!
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