I moved in with my mom and brother because she is 72 with medical issues/needing surgeries and she's new to our state. She moved here solely to be with us because after her husband died, there was no reason to stay in expensive, crowded SoCal. I gave up my own household where I lived alone for 12, 13 years or so. It's an adjustment. My sleep is messed up because of my brother's work schedule so that's hard but I'm not angry at him. I knew going in. It still gives me massive migraines and I have to deal with that. (No sleep is a big trigger.) My mom's sleep patterns have been all over the place. I am working from home and sometimes they don't know how noisy they are. I am no longer working a 2nd job so I'm home more often. I am not supposed to be eating a lot of starch and sugar because I'm at risk for diabetes--I already have blood sugar issues I'm trying to mitigate--and the two of them are constantly bringing home cookies, ice cream, pastries, pies, brownie mix, etc. It's difficult to walk in the kitchen and see it literally everywhere. So, yeah, this is a sacrifice for me. I mean, I did want us to be a family again, but on many issues it's them on one side and me on the other.
So, to today. It's a seemingly minor thing, but Bro keeps using the dish towels I brought to the household for his model car projects. Yes, we have pooled resources, but I still respect the fact that many items in this house were picked out and paid for by others and that I should take care of them. I know they're just towels, but it's the fact that I am a person who likes to decorate and I made my last home mine with those and other kitchen things. I took time and money to pick them out because it was the first time I was really ever on my own. I gave that up and kitchen stuff is a vestige of that. I couldn't even get that out to explain when I asked him nicely if he could use cleaning rags instead because he jumped on me immediately. His response was that he wasn't getting paint on them. Well, there were black marks on one of Mom's pink towels the other day. I can tell by looking at them that she paid a bit for nice, absorbent ones. I was about to say that they can get dirty and that we have more cleaning than dish towels so why not use them and the phrase I began with was "Well, you know--" when he interrupted "I DON'T know" and stormed to the garage. Know how this started? Found the one I specifically bought for Easter--and honestly paid too much for but I was willing--in the garage with spots on it.
It's the principle. Of course he wouldn't have known my reason. That's OK. But to not have ears for it is unkind. To not be willing to see someone else's point of view and just get mad that yet another woman is telling you what to do is immature. I've been asked nicely multiple times by my mom to do things a certain way and I was happy to abide by it. It's her house, technically, though it will be ours. And she does the same if I ask nicely. But he just doesn't want to make any concessions for anyone. I will be in the middle of a project doing it in a way that's fine, not asking for advice nor direction, and he'll just tell me "You don't do it that way. You do it this way." Um, no, *I* do it this way and it's just fine.
It's always going to be him alternately getting mad at being asked to not do things and jumping on me for how I do stuff. I can't live like this but Mom needs my money for the prop. tax and utilities and she needs me physically here when Bro isn't. She's covered between the two of us.
Should I have just bit my tongue and tried to launder out the stains later?
ETA: No, I can't really move out, even if Mom could get a tenant. I had cheap rent and while I can technically afford more if you go by my gross income, I can't because my net is so small due to old bills. I'm still working on getting my credit score back up. I'm not sure I would qualify for anything. Plus, I feel it would be a betrayal of sorts to my mom. So I'm stuck.
So, to today. It's a seemingly minor thing, but Bro keeps using the dish towels I brought to the household for his model car projects. Yes, we have pooled resources, but I still respect the fact that many items in this house were picked out and paid for by others and that I should take care of them. I know they're just towels, but it's the fact that I am a person who likes to decorate and I made my last home mine with those and other kitchen things. I took time and money to pick them out because it was the first time I was really ever on my own. I gave that up and kitchen stuff is a vestige of that. I couldn't even get that out to explain when I asked him nicely if he could use cleaning rags instead because he jumped on me immediately. His response was that he wasn't getting paint on them. Well, there were black marks on one of Mom's pink towels the other day. I can tell by looking at them that she paid a bit for nice, absorbent ones. I was about to say that they can get dirty and that we have more cleaning than dish towels so why not use them and the phrase I began with was "Well, you know--" when he interrupted "I DON'T know" and stormed to the garage. Know how this started? Found the one I specifically bought for Easter--and honestly paid too much for but I was willing--in the garage with spots on it.
It's the principle. Of course he wouldn't have known my reason. That's OK. But to not have ears for it is unkind. To not be willing to see someone else's point of view and just get mad that yet another woman is telling you what to do is immature. I've been asked nicely multiple times by my mom to do things a certain way and I was happy to abide by it. It's her house, technically, though it will be ours. And she does the same if I ask nicely. But he just doesn't want to make any concessions for anyone. I will be in the middle of a project doing it in a way that's fine, not asking for advice nor direction, and he'll just tell me "You don't do it that way. You do it this way." Um, no, *I* do it this way and it's just fine.
It's always going to be him alternately getting mad at being asked to not do things and jumping on me for how I do stuff. I can't live like this but Mom needs my money for the prop. tax and utilities and she needs me physically here when Bro isn't. She's covered between the two of us.
Should I have just bit my tongue and tried to launder out the stains later?
ETA: No, I can't really move out, even if Mom could get a tenant. I had cheap rent and while I can technically afford more if you go by my gross income, I can't because my net is so small due to old bills. I'm still working on getting my credit score back up. I'm not sure I would qualify for anything. Plus, I feel it would be a betrayal of sorts to my mom. So I'm stuck.
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