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Wanna know how my day at the fabulous Looneyland went today? Well here it is, mu journal of thoughts for today...
"You say you saw this air mattress in our ad this week? Well you have this week's ad flier in your hand, and it ain't mentioned or pictured in there. Also we are standing right in front of the air mattresses and there are no sale signs there. So I'm going to go out on a limb and say that air mattress isn't on sale this week. You're likely thinking of our flier last week, or Target's, or Wally World's. Oh, I'm an asshole you say? Takes one to know one. Now please support your local search and rescue unit and get lost."
"Yes, they called us to have your item carried out. You don't need to shout anymore/ It just so happens that your carryout is being done by the guy I so affectionately call 'Numbnuts', and he works at one speed: Glacier on Quaaludes. I estimate you will receive your computer desk in approximately the year 2137, but don't worry! We can have your desk buried right next to you in the same plot so you can enjoy it for all eternity."
"Hey you! Yeah you, the 35-year-old fat guy with acne and the receding hairline. Your cellphone ringtone is Avril Lavigne?
"
"Yes, we do have the candy corn pictured in this week's ad. It's sitting in the backroom because corporate, in its infinite wisdom, sent it in and featured it in the ad, but didn't give us a planogram or SSP to tell us where to put it. I'll grab some out of the backroom for you and tell the manager so we can get it out here if you'll just pull your fat face, onion breath and onion spittle out of my face
"
"Regarding the aforementioned candy corn: You MENSA members working up at the DC managed to mislabel 6 cases of caramel-flavored candy corn as regular candy corn, so our on-hands on both items are now FUBAR and we will soon be swimming in candy corn because the computer will say we are life-threatening low on it. Just when I think I've reached the depths of human unintelligence, you guys get out the dynamite...."
"No, the 20-pack of Cottonelle toilet paper is no longer on sale. Regular price. Oh, we're criminals you say? Bait and switch? Maybe so, but at least we are not waving around last week's ad in righteous indignation, the one that ended last night and this fact is clearly disclosed on the last price. Oh, you knew that? What do I think you are, some kind of idiot? Well, yes."
"No, Sandy from softlines, my stomach feels just fine. The two 9-inch pizzas I consumed at the retirement party last night were not quite as filling as you think they were. You severely underestimate me. My gastronomic rapacity knows no satieties."
And that was my day today. I get to do it all again at 5 tomorrow morning. Yay.
"You say you saw this air mattress in our ad this week? Well you have this week's ad flier in your hand, and it ain't mentioned or pictured in there. Also we are standing right in front of the air mattresses and there are no sale signs there. So I'm going to go out on a limb and say that air mattress isn't on sale this week. You're likely thinking of our flier last week, or Target's, or Wally World's. Oh, I'm an asshole you say? Takes one to know one. Now please support your local search and rescue unit and get lost."
"Yes, they called us to have your item carried out. You don't need to shout anymore/ It just so happens that your carryout is being done by the guy I so affectionately call 'Numbnuts', and he works at one speed: Glacier on Quaaludes. I estimate you will receive your computer desk in approximately the year 2137, but don't worry! We can have your desk buried right next to you in the same plot so you can enjoy it for all eternity."
"Hey you! Yeah you, the 35-year-old fat guy with acne and the receding hairline. Your cellphone ringtone is Avril Lavigne?
""Yes, we do have the candy corn pictured in this week's ad. It's sitting in the backroom because corporate, in its infinite wisdom, sent it in and featured it in the ad, but didn't give us a planogram or SSP to tell us where to put it. I'll grab some out of the backroom for you and tell the manager so we can get it out here if you'll just pull your fat face, onion breath and onion spittle out of my face
""Regarding the aforementioned candy corn: You MENSA members working up at the DC managed to mislabel 6 cases of caramel-flavored candy corn as regular candy corn, so our on-hands on both items are now FUBAR and we will soon be swimming in candy corn because the computer will say we are life-threatening low on it. Just when I think I've reached the depths of human unintelligence, you guys get out the dynamite...."
"No, the 20-pack of Cottonelle toilet paper is no longer on sale. Regular price. Oh, we're criminals you say? Bait and switch? Maybe so, but at least we are not waving around last week's ad in righteous indignation, the one that ended last night and this fact is clearly disclosed on the last price. Oh, you knew that? What do I think you are, some kind of idiot? Well, yes."
"No, Sandy from softlines, my stomach feels just fine. The two 9-inch pizzas I consumed at the retirement party last night were not quite as filling as you think they were. You severely underestimate me. My gastronomic rapacity knows no satieties."
And that was my day today. I get to do it all again at 5 tomorrow morning. Yay.
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