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A guy dies and ends up in Hell. On his very first day, he meets Satan.
SATAN: "Hey man, why so glum?"
GUY: "Dude, I'm in HELL!"
SATAN: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here."
GUY: "What do you mean?"
SATAN: "Let me ask you something. Do you like to drink?"
GUY: "Yeah..."
SATAN: "Well you're going to love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do is drink. We get the best of evertyhing. Whiskey, tequila, beers from around the world, the best vodkas, martinis, cocktails. Made by the best bartenders (because you know THEY go to Hell!). We drink 'til we throw up, and then we drink some more! And you don't have to worry about getting a hangover, because you're dead anyway."
GUY: "Gee that sounds great!"
SATAN: "You a smoker?"
GUY: "You better believe it"
SATAN: "All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays We get the finest cigars from all over the world, and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie, you're already dead, remember?"
GUY: "Wow...that's awesome!"
SATAN: "I bet you like to gamble."
GUY: "Why, yes, as a matter of fact I do."
SATAN: "Good, 'cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, it doesn't matter, You're dead anyhow."
GUY: "Cool!"
SATAN: "What about drugs?"
GUY: "Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean...?"
SATAN: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want. You're dead so who cares."
GUY: "Wow! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!"
SATAN: "You gay?"
GUY: "Um, no. Why?"
SATAN: "Oh, you're gonna HATE Fridays!"
SATAN: "Hey man, why so glum?"
GUY: "Dude, I'm in HELL!"
SATAN: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here."
GUY: "What do you mean?"
SATAN: "Let me ask you something. Do you like to drink?"
GUY: "Yeah..."
SATAN: "Well you're going to love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do is drink. We get the best of evertyhing. Whiskey, tequila, beers from around the world, the best vodkas, martinis, cocktails. Made by the best bartenders (because you know THEY go to Hell!). We drink 'til we throw up, and then we drink some more! And you don't have to worry about getting a hangover, because you're dead anyway."
GUY: "Gee that sounds great!"
SATAN: "You a smoker?"
GUY: "You better believe it"
SATAN: "All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays We get the finest cigars from all over the world, and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie, you're already dead, remember?"
GUY: "Wow...that's awesome!"
SATAN: "I bet you like to gamble."
GUY: "Why, yes, as a matter of fact I do."
SATAN: "Good, 'cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, it doesn't matter, You're dead anyhow."
GUY: "Cool!"
SATAN: "What about drugs?"
GUY: "Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean...?"
SATAN: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want. You're dead so who cares."
GUY: "Wow! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!"
SATAN: "You gay?"
GUY: "Um, no. Why?"
SATAN: "Oh, you're gonna HATE Fridays!"