If you happen to have read any of my other posts you probably are clued in to just how bitter and jaded I have become with the drooling morons who walk into wireless locations.
That being said there is that one feature of these stores that I hate above all else. The bill payers. With the panoply of choices available for bill payments, there isn't a single good reason, not even one, to pay your bill in the store. In fact, all of my coworkers get infuriated with this idiotic practice these morons insist upon every month. It gets quite a bit worse than that, considering that you are not only wasting my time, but YOUR OWN TIME AS WELL, there aren't even bad reasons on offer to come pay your bill in store. It's like when an answer to a question is so bad that not only is it not right, but it isn't even wrong. It is failing in every possible category.
With that, I'll share a few anecdotes.
I opened today and notice a car camped out with the driver staring at me. I ask myself "what could possibly be so important to camp out [deathstar] wireless?" Well I go about the opening duties, one minute before we open (and yes I did that deliberately) I leave, lock the store down and start walking to my car.
Sc: isn't the store supposed to be open?
Me: well yes, but company policy dictates that I take the deposit every morning. Given that that are other opening duties to attend to, It tends to delay opening by 10 to 15 minutes. The duties took me longer than usual and given that the bank tends to be very busy in the mornings it will be between 20 and fourth minutes before I return. BUT...i see you have a fancy smart phone there, if you want to hand it to me I can show you how to pay your bill with your ph...
SC: [INTERRUPT] (seriously, any of you played mtg? It's like they play counterspell on you every time you start making sense. How would that card look? Counterspell[INTERRUPT] Counter target logical suggestion, ignoring your own bests interests. Insert insane, self inconveniencing ramblings.) No, that's ok...it just wait for you to come back.
Me: are you certain? That is a very busy bank and I can show you how to pay your bill in less than thirty seconds. Let me level with you man, there isn't a single good reason to wait for what will eventually add up to over an hour. You can really pay this in a few moments.
Sc: no that's ok.
Me:*sigh*
Anyway the bank was packed, took about fourty five minutes.
Came back. Guess Who is there?
He comes in and pays the bill. Looks quite frustrated. With a card, of course
Me: you know all of this could have been avoided if you had heeded my council? Imagine a world where, on the day you have to pay, you fire up your app and press 3 buttons and presto! Bill payed, no getting dressed, no gas to spend, no time to waste! Honestly paying your bill today took 250 times longer than it needed to.
Sc: no thanks, I live close by.
Me: thinks to myself. what. The. Fuck.
--------
On a different day where I was lamenting my squalid condition of taking people's Fucking bill payments all day I noticed a taxi pull up and got hopeful.
Surely no one could bathe in their own stupidity so often as to even entertain the idea of taking a cab to pay their bill. That would signal end times! A portent to the extinction of humanity! No species that stupid deserves to live.
Boy was I wrong. Now take in mind this exchange happened in my native language. We tend to speak less reverently to each other than would normally be acceptable in english. Not that I really care anymore cause I hate all these people.
Me: Hello welcome to [deathstar]
Sc: hey just came by to pay my Internet bill
Me:[COMPLETELY FLOORED, EYEBROWS IN THE BACK OF MY SKULL]
I'm sorry I don't think I heard you correctly, could you repeat that?
sc: just came by to pay the bill.
Me: How will you be paying mam?
Sc: here. [Hands me the credit card]
Me: do you come here every month?
Sc: yup
Me: in a taxi?
Sc: yeeaaa. [Getting a bit suspicious]
Me: I realize these are unorthodox questions to ask a customer, just indulge me. One last question. How much is the round trip?
sc: 15 each way, I really wish there were a closer store.
me: okay mam, please don't take this the wrong way but I'd like to point out that you have just spent 30 dollars to come into a store and then pay your 47 dollar Internet bill, not to mention the time involved....rather than use the very Internet you are paying for to pay the bill with this very same card you are using today...and you do this every month...
sc: Yea, it's fine it's just complicated to use the website, I'd rather just come in.
Me: I'll be happy to register for you and show you how to use the website...it really is super ea...
sc: [INTERRUPT COUNTER TARGET GOOD IDEA WITH A BAD ONE] no that's fine...I'll just see you next month.
me: [speechless]
And a brief glimmer of hope ends today's anecdotes
Sc: hi do you guys do bill pays here
Me: thinks to myself *fuck my Fucking life what the shit is wrong with you people, how do you have such little concern for YOUR OWN FUCKING TIME!?!?!"* Yes mam, we do. How will you be paying?
SC: with a card
Me: *sigh* thinks to self *I guess I'll try it, it never works because these people probably meet, weekly, to come up with better ways of being stupid* ok well I'd like to show you this app that allows you to pay your bill through the phone. It saves so much time...you will never have to spend time blah blah blah etc...
Sc: [TRANSMOGRIFY: TARGET SC MORPHS INTO AWESOME CUSTOMER] oh that's awesome!
me: [BAFFLED, THIS NEVER HAPPENS] I'm sorry what was that?
AC: I said that's awesome. I can't believe I've been wasting all this time every month coming to stores and kiosks. Thanks for the tip.
YAAAAAAAAAAY. that made me so happy
That being said there is that one feature of these stores that I hate above all else. The bill payers. With the panoply of choices available for bill payments, there isn't a single good reason, not even one, to pay your bill in the store. In fact, all of my coworkers get infuriated with this idiotic practice these morons insist upon every month. It gets quite a bit worse than that, considering that you are not only wasting my time, but YOUR OWN TIME AS WELL, there aren't even bad reasons on offer to come pay your bill in store. It's like when an answer to a question is so bad that not only is it not right, but it isn't even wrong. It is failing in every possible category.
With that, I'll share a few anecdotes.
I opened today and notice a car camped out with the driver staring at me. I ask myself "what could possibly be so important to camp out [deathstar] wireless?" Well I go about the opening duties, one minute before we open (and yes I did that deliberately) I leave, lock the store down and start walking to my car.
Sc: isn't the store supposed to be open?
Me: well yes, but company policy dictates that I take the deposit every morning. Given that that are other opening duties to attend to, It tends to delay opening by 10 to 15 minutes. The duties took me longer than usual and given that the bank tends to be very busy in the mornings it will be between 20 and fourth minutes before I return. BUT...i see you have a fancy smart phone there, if you want to hand it to me I can show you how to pay your bill with your ph...
SC: [INTERRUPT] (seriously, any of you played mtg? It's like they play counterspell on you every time you start making sense. How would that card look? Counterspell[INTERRUPT] Counter target logical suggestion, ignoring your own bests interests. Insert insane, self inconveniencing ramblings.) No, that's ok...it just wait for you to come back.
Me: are you certain? That is a very busy bank and I can show you how to pay your bill in less than thirty seconds. Let me level with you man, there isn't a single good reason to wait for what will eventually add up to over an hour. You can really pay this in a few moments.
Sc: no that's ok.
Me:*sigh*
Anyway the bank was packed, took about fourty five minutes.
Came back. Guess Who is there?
He comes in and pays the bill. Looks quite frustrated. With a card, of course
Me: you know all of this could have been avoided if you had heeded my council? Imagine a world where, on the day you have to pay, you fire up your app and press 3 buttons and presto! Bill payed, no getting dressed, no gas to spend, no time to waste! Honestly paying your bill today took 250 times longer than it needed to.
Sc: no thanks, I live close by.
Me: thinks to myself. what. The. Fuck.
--------
On a different day where I was lamenting my squalid condition of taking people's Fucking bill payments all day I noticed a taxi pull up and got hopeful.
Surely no one could bathe in their own stupidity so often as to even entertain the idea of taking a cab to pay their bill. That would signal end times! A portent to the extinction of humanity! No species that stupid deserves to live.
Boy was I wrong. Now take in mind this exchange happened in my native language. We tend to speak less reverently to each other than would normally be acceptable in english. Not that I really care anymore cause I hate all these people.
Me: Hello welcome to [deathstar]
Sc: hey just came by to pay my Internet bill
Me:[COMPLETELY FLOORED, EYEBROWS IN THE BACK OF MY SKULL]
I'm sorry I don't think I heard you correctly, could you repeat that?
sc: just came by to pay the bill.
Me: How will you be paying mam?
Sc: here. [Hands me the credit card]
Me: do you come here every month?
Sc: yup
Me: in a taxi?
Sc: yeeaaa. [Getting a bit suspicious]
Me: I realize these are unorthodox questions to ask a customer, just indulge me. One last question. How much is the round trip?
sc: 15 each way, I really wish there were a closer store.
me: okay mam, please don't take this the wrong way but I'd like to point out that you have just spent 30 dollars to come into a store and then pay your 47 dollar Internet bill, not to mention the time involved....rather than use the very Internet you are paying for to pay the bill with this very same card you are using today...and you do this every month...
sc: Yea, it's fine it's just complicated to use the website, I'd rather just come in.
Me: I'll be happy to register for you and show you how to use the website...it really is super ea...
sc: [INTERRUPT COUNTER TARGET GOOD IDEA WITH A BAD ONE] no that's fine...I'll just see you next month.
me: [speechless]
And a brief glimmer of hope ends today's anecdotes
Sc: hi do you guys do bill pays here
Me: thinks to myself *fuck my Fucking life what the shit is wrong with you people, how do you have such little concern for YOUR OWN FUCKING TIME!?!?!"* Yes mam, we do. How will you be paying?
SC: with a card
Me: *sigh* thinks to self *I guess I'll try it, it never works because these people probably meet, weekly, to come up with better ways of being stupid* ok well I'd like to show you this app that allows you to pay your bill through the phone. It saves so much time...you will never have to spend time blah blah blah etc...
Sc: [TRANSMOGRIFY: TARGET SC MORPHS INTO AWESOME CUSTOMER] oh that's awesome!
me: [BAFFLED, THIS NEVER HAPPENS] I'm sorry what was that?
AC: I said that's awesome. I can't believe I've been wasting all this time every month coming to stores and kiosks. Thanks for the tip.
YAAAAAAAAAAY. that made me so happy
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