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  #11  
Old 09-10-2018, 12:29 AM
Android Kaeli Android Kaeli is offline
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It is SO hard to lose a pet, I am so sorry.
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  #12  
Old 09-10-2018, 01:44 AM
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MoonCat MoonCat is offline
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Eireann, you did a wonderful thing when you adopted your kitty. You gave her unlimited love, a comfortable, contented life, everything she needed for as long as you could. You blessed her life as much as she blessed yours.

I hope that she visits you in dreams. {{hugs}}
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  #13  
Old 09-10-2018, 11:55 AM
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Eireann Eireann is offline
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When I adopted her, I already had a kitty. My older kitty was FLV-positive, and missing her friend, who had been put to sleep a few weeks earlier. I was worried about the effect of his loss on her, so I adopted a new one.

It wasn't the best thing I could have done for her. My older kitty resented the newcomer, and ended up ruining my small couch by peeing on the cushions. My new kitty wanted to play a lot, and my older kitty didn't.

They eventually reached a compromise, and I often found them sleeping together.

When the older kitty had to be put to sleep, it was just the two of us. That was in 2011. Since that time, Kitty and I have moved more than once. We've had some very lean times. I gradually came to appreciate her more and more. At first, I was frustrated with her playfulness and her habit of chewing on paper (she also chewed my yoga mat so much that I had to throw the rest of it out) and other habits.

Now, though, I can see what a deeply loving pet she was. Everyone was a potential friend, as far as she was concerned. She loved jumping in laps and introducing herself to visitors.

I'm falling apart. I have a headache today, and I'm tired and shaky. I'm still not sleeping well. I keep looking for her. I know I need to vacuum under the bed, but I can't bring myself to do it, because she hated the vacuum, and it would feel as if I were disturbing her. I have done some other cleaning, including throwing out old food that had been in the fridge for ages. I've done some recycling. I went for a walk last night and sat on a bench for some time.

Everything is all wrong. The hole in my life is enormous. I called the cremation place today to ask when I will get her ashes. The guy thinks it will be Wednesday. I promised my baby that wherever I move, she'll come with me. When my time comes, I'm going to be cremated and have my ashes mixed with hers.

Last year, I came to a horrible realization about my childhood. I'm still in therapy over it. Kitty was always there for me, always. Until the last couple of months, she was always ready to have me pick her up and cuddle her. Losing her makes me realize not only what I've already lost, but all of the things I've never had.

I'm overwhelmed and grateful for all of the support I've been receiving. A friend of mine called around midnight on Saturday and talked to me for three hours. Friends on Facebook have been messaging me. One of them offered me one of her sister's kittens. It's a beautiful gesture, but this friend is Italian, and though I'll be there next month, the airline I'm flying doesn't allow pets (and I'm not sure what sort of paperwork would be necessary to take a live animal to another country).

I know a woman on Facebook who lives about an hour from me, if you have a car. I don't. Neither does she. She invited me to come to her house and see the kitties she has for adoption (she works for a pet rescue operation here). Since the bus service out there is irregular, she's invited me to stay overnight. We have yet to meet in person, but I'm going out there tomorrow to take advantage of her wonderful offer.

People talk about it "being time" and all that. I don't believe it was her time. I think she wanted to stay with me, and that's why she gave it her all. I promised her that where I move, she will move with me, and I believe that she wants this as much as I do.

I haven't dreamed about her yet. I want to, so much. I contacted a therapist I've had sessions with and told her what happened. This therapist does shamanic work, and she told me that she did a little shamanic session on my behalf, and saw my little baby during it. I hope she's right. I hope she is.

I always knew losing her would hurt, but I sorely underestimated the depth of the pain and grief. I feel as if a part of me has been cut out. I visualize a ragged, gaping hole in my surroundings. How could one small animal contain so much love and kindness and support and friendship and forgiveness?
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  #14  
Old 09-13-2018, 07:20 PM
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Eireann Eireann is offline
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I want to thank everyone for all the support. I'm blown away by the reaction to my news. People on Facebook have posted message after message on my page. A friend messaged me, completely distraught over the news (and she never even met my kitty). She's just as attached to her cats as I am.

Today, I went to the pet crematorium. They gave me a plastic urn with her ashes in it. You can have anything you want printed on the urn, so I chose "My Baby". It wasn't her name, but it was what she was.

I feel as if she's with me. I feel as if we're together now. Having promised her that she would go where I go (as far as moving is concerned), I'm grateful that I'm able to keep that promise. I put the urn in the window where she used to enjoy the sun. She was lying in that same window when the vet called with the news of her diagnosis.

It's been less than a week, but it feels like an eternity.
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  #15  
Old 09-14-2018, 03:11 PM
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Crossbow Crossbow is offline
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You have my deepest sympathies, Eireann. I've been there as well, and it hurts so much. *hugs and love*
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  #16  
Old 09-14-2018, 03:23 PM
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Teysa Teysa is offline
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*hugs* I'm so sorry.
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