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Another nickname thread here inspired me to share some of the "loving" nicknames my co-workers and I have given to some of our regulars/alcoholics
1. Frank The Tank - unoriginal I know, but his name really is Frank, and he is a tank, he can come in the store anyway from 1 - 5 times a day for a six pack and never look or smell like hes had a drop. Hes hard to cut off and really i just enjoy busting his balls.
2. Jeff Gordo - Gordo is probably a local term for being drunk. Probably derived from the word Gored. Im not sure. ANNNNNNYWAY. He buys 6 - 10 950ml Cans of beer while sporting his "dupont" Jeff Gordon Racing Jacket regardless of rain/sleet/snow/hail and always tells me about the Race hes going to watch or some crap I dont care about.
Oh, he also drives his neon with the sheet metal doors as if he is indeed Jeff Gordon.
3. Choppers - Imagine the ugliest woman you can imagine. Got it yet? Ok. Now give her a pot belly from years of Beer drinking. Got it yet? Ok Now put a horse's Mouth on her. Got it yet? Ok. Now give her the most vile, unbrushed, rotting and decaying teeth you can imagine. There you have it......Choppers.
She is actually a really nice woman, just appauling to look at, at times I feel bad for her, than I remember she drinks a 12 pack a day.
4. The Whistling Walrus - A rather portly fellow, actually hes just plain fat and round similar to a Walrus. He is excruciatingly irritating. He whistles from the moment he steps in the store. Never says a word just whistling his stupid tune.
The worst part of is HE CANT WHISTLE. I dont know how to describe it. Its a whistle but its not, like a little kid trying to learn to whistle. Every day, for 2 years plus. Like whisper whistling I dont even know. Im getting irritated just thinking about him
Sidenote- There is a bar in our town named the same as this guys nickname. It just fit to well.
5. Donald Trump - But with a worse combover. Yup I said it, WORSE. This thing grows from the back he just flips it up over his ugly noodle. It looks like hes wearing a hair bucket hat. He also does not wear suits. His normal outfit is his 1981 Reebok Hi-tops, those red striped gray socks hiked up to his knees. I know he hikes them up because his revealing cut off Track pant shorts show me. He also has man boobs visble in any shirt he wears. They're freakishly large man boobs for his skinny physique as well.
6. Joe Six-Pack - If you guessed he has rock hard abs you don't win a cookie.
He only ever buys Six packs, same kind, day in, day out, 3 years.
I once asked him why he doesnt just buy a 24 pack insted of coming in 4 times in a day for 4 six packs.
His response was " they dont stay cold " . I have never delved deeper into asking why he doesn't have a fridge. I just left it at that. Whats life without a little mystery?
Oh sidenote, I also drive by his daily yard/garage/crap sale EVERYDAY of the summer on the way home.
WARNING THIS ONE IS FOR MALES.LADIES READ AT OWN RISK.
SEXUAL CONTENT KINDA
7. Gummer - Kind of a story to this one.
So this girl that would come in every day pretty much and was in love with every male here, one day decided to leave her number for one of the guys.
She is moderately attractive, a little thin for my liking, well shes alraight.
Kinda, I guess. I don't know.
Anyway so he actually calls her, hangs out with her,
Long story short, he said her boobs felt like bags of sand and he got a gummer from her. And told us she was missing two teeth he also noticed.
Anyway..............Gummer.
She stopped comming in for a while.
8. Luigi - aka Super Mario. My first customer of the day, everyday. EVERYDAY. He is there before I get there to open. He talks exactly like Mario or Luigi, take your pick.
Ask's me everyday what time the store is open until. Also his new things is saying, "you're early taday brotha". I open at the same time everyday but he saw me a few times. So now whenever im open at regular time, 10am instead of 10:04 im early.
9. Brad Pitt - He bears no resembelance. He got his nickname when Brad Pitt was dating Jennifer Aniston. Why you ask? Because he a carrys a wallet size photo of Jennifer Aniston in his wallet. Not an actual photo though, I'm fairly sure its cut from a magazine. I have seen his wallet laying open displaying the picture numerous times.
Creepy.
I'm going to ask if it's his daughter one day just to see what he says.
10. Smush Face - The name pretty much says it all here. An old man whos face looks to have have been smashed multiple times with a frying pan.
I'll leave it at that for now.....there's more......dear god there's more....
1. Frank The Tank - unoriginal I know, but his name really is Frank, and he is a tank, he can come in the store anyway from 1 - 5 times a day for a six pack and never look or smell like hes had a drop. Hes hard to cut off and really i just enjoy busting his balls.
2. Jeff Gordo - Gordo is probably a local term for being drunk. Probably derived from the word Gored. Im not sure. ANNNNNNYWAY. He buys 6 - 10 950ml Cans of beer while sporting his "dupont" Jeff Gordon Racing Jacket regardless of rain/sleet/snow/hail and always tells me about the Race hes going to watch or some crap I dont care about.
Oh, he also drives his neon with the sheet metal doors as if he is indeed Jeff Gordon.
3. Choppers - Imagine the ugliest woman you can imagine. Got it yet? Ok. Now give her a pot belly from years of Beer drinking. Got it yet? Ok Now put a horse's Mouth on her. Got it yet? Ok. Now give her the most vile, unbrushed, rotting and decaying teeth you can imagine. There you have it......Choppers.
She is actually a really nice woman, just appauling to look at, at times I feel bad for her, than I remember she drinks a 12 pack a day.
4. The Whistling Walrus - A rather portly fellow, actually hes just plain fat and round similar to a Walrus. He is excruciatingly irritating. He whistles from the moment he steps in the store. Never says a word just whistling his stupid tune.
The worst part of is HE CANT WHISTLE. I dont know how to describe it. Its a whistle but its not, like a little kid trying to learn to whistle. Every day, for 2 years plus. Like whisper whistling I dont even know. Im getting irritated just thinking about him
Sidenote- There is a bar in our town named the same as this guys nickname. It just fit to well.
5. Donald Trump - But with a worse combover. Yup I said it, WORSE. This thing grows from the back he just flips it up over his ugly noodle. It looks like hes wearing a hair bucket hat. He also does not wear suits. His normal outfit is his 1981 Reebok Hi-tops, those red striped gray socks hiked up to his knees. I know he hikes them up because his revealing cut off Track pant shorts show me. He also has man boobs visble in any shirt he wears. They're freakishly large man boobs for his skinny physique as well.
6. Joe Six-Pack - If you guessed he has rock hard abs you don't win a cookie.
He only ever buys Six packs, same kind, day in, day out, 3 years.
I once asked him why he doesnt just buy a 24 pack insted of coming in 4 times in a day for 4 six packs.
His response was " they dont stay cold " . I have never delved deeper into asking why he doesn't have a fridge. I just left it at that. Whats life without a little mystery?
Oh sidenote, I also drive by his daily yard/garage/crap sale EVERYDAY of the summer on the way home.
WARNING THIS ONE IS FOR MALES.LADIES READ AT OWN RISK.
SEXUAL CONTENT KINDA
7. Gummer - Kind of a story to this one.
So this girl that would come in every day pretty much and was in love with every male here, one day decided to leave her number for one of the guys.
She is moderately attractive, a little thin for my liking, well shes alraight.
Kinda, I guess. I don't know.
Anyway so he actually calls her, hangs out with her,
Long story short, he said her boobs felt like bags of sand and he got a gummer from her. And told us she was missing two teeth he also noticed.
Anyway..............Gummer.
She stopped comming in for a while.
8. Luigi - aka Super Mario. My first customer of the day, everyday. EVERYDAY. He is there before I get there to open. He talks exactly like Mario or Luigi, take your pick.
Ask's me everyday what time the store is open until. Also his new things is saying, "you're early taday brotha". I open at the same time everyday but he saw me a few times. So now whenever im open at regular time, 10am instead of 10:04 im early.
9. Brad Pitt - He bears no resembelance. He got his nickname when Brad Pitt was dating Jennifer Aniston. Why you ask? Because he a carrys a wallet size photo of Jennifer Aniston in his wallet. Not an actual photo though, I'm fairly sure its cut from a magazine. I have seen his wallet laying open displaying the picture numerous times.
Creepy.
I'm going to ask if it's his daughter one day just to see what he says.
10. Smush Face - The name pretty much says it all here. An old man whos face looks to have have been smashed multiple times with a frying pan.
I'll leave it at that for now.....there's more......dear god there's more....
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