The park is on fire, now really isn't the time to complain.

[mathnerd]

This is a story from my childhood, but it's still one of my favorites.

Background: My father is an electrical/telecommunications engineer, but his favorite "hobby" while I was growing up was shooting professional aerial fireworks displays. Before they changed the rules, we kids were pretty much always underfoot, and spent our youth basically playing with explosives. I had a great childhood. This story takes place during one 4th of July show at a large county park when I was 6 years old.

This particular park is pretty big and there is a largish lake in the middle. The plan was to have the viewers on one side of the lake and the set on the other. Sounds good, right? Well, Dad inspects the set location and, because it had been a pretty dry summer and there was some tall grass there, decided that site couldn't be used unless some fire prevention measures were taken. He tells park management they have three choices:

1. They can cut the grass
2. They can soak down the grass
3. They can have a fire truck standing by in case of emergency.

The park chose option 3. Dad goes on with getting his crew to set up the show. Everything goes well and the show starts. Now, if you've ever been on the set of a fireworks display, you know that something always goes wrong. Most of the time it's little stuff, but occasionally something really gets f'd up. This was one of those times.

You see, a shell exploded way too soon, long before it really got into the air. It's called "flowerpotting" by some because when a shell blows up shortly after it comes out of the gun/mortar, it sort of looks like a flowerpot. Remember that long, dry grass? Yup. Fire. Remember that fire truck that was supposed to save the day if this happened? Dead as a door nail. The fire? It's getting bigger and threatening to head over to the set where a few hundred pounds of unexploded fireworks were still on the ground.

So, while the firefighters start putzing around with the truck trying to get it to start, my father takes charge of the situation. He orders one of his crew members to get the rest of the show in the air as quickly as possible and screw making it pretty. Thankfully, these were the early days of electronic firing, and this particular show was using a board and wasn't being shot manually. He tells the rest of the crew members to grab whatever buckets and tarps they could, grabbed us kids and we all formed a sort of bucket brigade and got the fire put out.

All was well. It was a grass fire, nobody got hurt, and the people got a decent, if shorter than planned, fireworks show. Apparently this was a problem for some people. Really? The park was ON FIRE. We saved your butts from a major tragedy! And you still got a show! Geesh. Some people.

[icmedia]

People complain loudest about that for which they paid the least.

[Pagan]

Like some people I saw complaining that their summer would just be ruined if the Gila National Forest was closed because that's where they go camping every summer. Never mind this was when the Silver Fire was burning (finally topped out around 140,000 acres).

[MoonCat]

People complain loudest about that for which they paid the least.

Amen! Ain't it the truth!

[Pixilated]

Your title produced some really hilarious mental images ...

Damn, did I have a boring childhood in comparison, LOL. We did have those backyard fireworks but that's it (for some reason I still remember 'The Burning Schoolhouse' -- anybody else remember that one?)

Did they ever find out what the heck happened to the fire truck?? (I'm assuming it was okay initially or they wouldn't have been able to get it out there to begin with.)

[mathnerd]

I'd have to ask my father, but if I recall correctly, the alternator had died.

And yes, I did have an interesting childhood. Remind me to tell you about the time we got raided by the ATF.

[mathnerd]

Okay, I called Dad. He says that the alternator was the running theory, but that the truck had to be towed away and he never found out for sure what was wrong.

[taxguykarl]

People complain loudest about that for which they paid the least.

And would probably throw the biggest hissy fits if asked to help with the situation.

[mathnerd]

And would probably throw the biggest hissy fits if asked to help with the situation.

Exactly. I'm thinking "Hey, we got most of the show in the air and managed to avoid a major tragedy", yet they're complaining that instead of a 30 minute show it went up in 10. Sorry. At least he didn't blow up your teddy bear, though that wouldn't happen until New Years 5 months later.

[wolfie]

Damn, did I have a boring childhood in comparison, LOL. We did have those backyard fireworks but that's it (for some reason I still remember 'The Burning Schoolhouse' -- anybody else remember that one?)

Yep - and if the "chimney" (actual firework) wasn't installed right, the vent in the side wouldn't hit the cardboard part hard enough, and it wouldn't catch fire.

[Seshat]

And yes, I did have an interesting childhood. Remind me to tell you about the time we got raided by the ATF.

Tell us about the time you got raided by the ATF.


(hey, you asked....) <wide evil grin>

[mathnerd]

Tell us about the time you got raided by the ATF.


(hey, you asked....) <wide evil grin>

lol.. I did.

So, you see, one day my sister and I were home alone (we were 13 and 12). My mother was out shopping and my father was at work. We heard a pounding on the door that scared the crap out of us. My sister goes to the door, peeks out and sees a couple of guys in full riot gear, along with at least a dozen different law enforcement vehicles parked in front of the house. She answers the door and they see this kid, so they back off on the meanness just a bit. They asked if our parents were home and she said no. We called Dad and told him that the police were there and put him on the phone with the agent at the door.

So, as it turns out, the "police" were really agents from the ATF. They had a search warrant for the garage because there had been a report that Dad was storing explosives. Dad called my mother and had her come home. Mom came home, read the warrant to my dad and he instructed her to keep her mouth shut and let them into the garage. Of course, while she was on her way home, she noted that it wasn't just the agents that could be seen from the front door. The whole danged neighborhood was blanketed with ATF agents. This was a full response for measly little us. Mom lets them into the garage and they search thoroughly, and of course, find nothing. They apologize and move along.

Well, thank GOD that the search warrant limited the search to the garage. If they had been able to open the measly little two inch thick door into the basement, they would have found 700 pounds of unexploded fireworks being stored there for the weekend. Dad would have been in a whole heap of trouble. He did get it out of the house within a few hours of the agents leaving, which would have been moved within a few days anyway.

As it turns out, we had a neighbor who really didn't like my dad and was pissed that he was parking an RV on the street for a few weeks. Dad also had a bad habit of leaving the garage door open, and when we had moved to Atlanta, he'd gotten the guy that owned the fireworks company to sell him some of the heavy, reinforced boxes used to pack and ship explosives for him to pack our stuff in. If you looked into the garage, you saw a bunch of boxes with the company logo on them, and the hazmat symbol for that class of explosives. When the ATF agents opened those boxes they found my mother's Christmas decorations and other odds and ends that had never been unpacked. Really boring stuff, for sure. Anyway, the neighbor apparently called law enforcement out of spite, though Dad was much more careful about storing stuff after that.

[raudf]

And now you gotta tell us about the exploded teddy bear..

This rates right up there with "complaining during natural disasters" for WTF'ing my brain. Seriously, at the store doing the repair center cash drop, tornado siren sounds and employees start ushering people down to the underground portion of the store. Mall employees who were in the story stores on the upper levels were funneling into the store and a tornado could be sighted in the distance.

What do I hear? A few (thankfully) extremely stupid SCs that wanted back up to continue their shopping in peace. Fortunately for them (but not mankind) we couldn't allow them back up until the all clear was given. -If it wasn't for the rest of us watching out for them, the SC genes would have been cleared out of the gene pool long ago, just because they'd refuse to stop complaining long enough to save themselves.

[mathnerd]

And now you gotta tell us about the exploded teddy bear..
.

You mean you're gonna make me tell all my best stories in one thread????

Okay, I guess. Here's the story of the time my teddy bear was blown up.

It was a New Year's Eve show on Biscayne Bay just off downtown Miami. The set was actually on barges that were towed into the bay and the spectators watch from Bayfront Park in downtown Miami. This particular show is pretty big, so it took a few days to set up. Between Christmas and New Year's the whole family spent most of our time working on the set up, or in the case of us younger ones, doing our best not to get in the way while darting on and off the barges and occasionally helping to justify our existence, with the occasional panicked moment as a parent realized a 7 year old had a couple unexploded shells in her hands and was swinging them around. Yup, again, I had an interesting childhood.

Now, earlier that year we had gone to visit some relatives in Las Vegas and we had all gone to Circus Circus where my uncle had won me a large teddy bear that I immediately began carrying everywhere. I was still doing that at the time of thee show. At some point during the day of the show I set the teddy bear down on one of the barges and failed to retrieve it before the show started. Remember how I said that pretty much every show involves some sort of problem? This one was no exception. This show was also being shot manually, so there were lots of guys with lots of burning flares running around blowing stuff up. Also, remember that this set was on a couple of barges. On Biscayne Bay. There are WAVES on the bay. You can see where this is going, right? A large wave smashed into the barge at the exact moment one of the crew was lighting a fuse, which knocked over several mortars, including the one that had just been lit. There was a spectacular explosion as the shell slammed into even more guns, setting those off as well. Unfortunately, Mr. Teddy Bear was leaned up against that particular rack. He died an instant death.

Fortunately, because that show was manual, and huge, it was also a "reload" show, where somebody goes behind the person lighting the fuses and reloads the guns and mortars to be set off again later in the show. They were able to continue with the show and still put on a really good show in spite of the accident because they had enough shells between the two barges to do without the ones that got destroyed.

[Pixilated]

*observes a moment of silence in respect of Mr. Bear*

Have you ever thought of writing a book, LOL??