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I know, I know. I know what you’re thinking.
“But, Lupo,” you say, “You said the crazy magnet ISN’T in effect when you shop with someone else.”
That’s what I thought, but friends? Today…today was a red letter day. Today the immunity that comes from shopping in pairs FAILED. And thus, Shopping Shenanigans have been revived. Someone took a defibrillator and shouted “clear” across the universe until the crazy woke up and said “let’s do this shit”. And thus, the following stories were born.
Sad thing is, she WAS asking for decaf
Upon first arriving at the store with the Big Red Bullseye, xx_wolfie_xx and I stopped at the in-store starbucks. That was mistake number one.
The barista on duty took a large, complicated order. We’re talking 7 frappuccinos, a couple iced beverages, something shaken, something stirred, just all over the place. She starts on two of them, and then proceeds to call someone over to give her a lunch break. Great, awesome, fantastic. Really. So, two Bullseye employees come over and they don’t know how to work the coffee counter, but they struggle along. We’re waiting to give our order, and as we’re standing at the counter, she approaches.
She is an old woman, who has no concept of personal space. We’re explaining our order and she just looms. Gets up right next to wolfie, and just stands right in his space. I swear, I was wondering if I’d have to scream sexual assault on her, she was THAT close. We place our orders, and I have to angle myself around so she doesn’t get elbowed in the gut while I’m swiping my card, she’s literally that close. Same thing when wolfie tries to swipe his card.
The employees said nothing. No, in fact they were too busy talking about how they were so short handed and so irritating and they only worked the counter once, and yadda yadda yadda. So, wolfie and I are getting a bit irate, and contemplating elbowing granny in the gullet. She barks at the employee “Cappuccino! Decaf!”
He asks what size. She repeats “Cappuccino!! DECAF!!”
Aaaannnd apparently granny is deaf and rude. Awesome. Whatever, we just need to get over and get our drinks and…
And we’re getting crowded. Again. Oh lord. I’m VERY irate at this point. Worse so, because the crowd with the large order are now being nitpicky while picking up their drinks.
“No, I wanted the smaller one.” “Is this mocha? I thought I was getting chocolate chip!”
And on and on and on and on. Meanwhile granny is crowding once again next to the drink counter, and we’re getting shoved aside. I look at wolfie, and state that if she tries to get her order before ours…
I finally, FINALLY, go to the counter, and granny cuts me off AGAIN and waves her receipt at the employee “CAPPUCCINO, DECAF!!”
That’s it, I decide I’m finished, and I walk away before I become entirely impolite and commit violence upon the elderly. I go to start shopping while wolfie waits for our order. I’m able to hit different areas and I circled back to go to Starbucks after I realize it’s been far too long. I go back and wolfie is standing at the drink counter still, with an annoyed look on his face.
He informs me that cappuccino grandma got her drink first, and they lost my drink. By this point yet another employee is there making drinks and he said ours should be up next, though he did say the employee oh so kindly informed him “well, I’m not supposed to be HERE anyway...” So I tell him I’ll go ahead and get more shopping done.
Finally, at least half an hour after I’ve placed my order, wolfie brings me my iced chai tea latte with pumpkin spice. Mmmm, pumpkin spice. I take a huge swallow.
And gag.
It’s coffee.
I don’t DRINK coffee. I drink tea. I drink Chai tea. I drink chai tea with pumpkin spiced, dammit, where’s my pumpkin chai!?
There was some adult language from my boyfriend after he tried the drink as well, and he went back to Starbucks. Upon informing the girl working the counter she gave him coffee instead of chai, what was her response?
Her: Oh, that’s chai.
Wolfie: … no, that’s coffee. We both tried it…
Ok, fine, she goes to make another drink. He pointedly tells her “iced soy chai with pumpkin spice”
She makes a chai and sprinkles the pumpkin spice topping on it. He asks if the pumpkin spice syrup is in it and she says yes, but he didn’t see her make it that way. And for those who’ve tried this pumpkin spice, you know it’s an orange color that’s quite distinct. This wasn’t.
Anyways, he brings it to me, he’s tired of dealing with her, and knew it was at least a chai, and not coffee. So I take a sip and yup, no pumpkin spice.
We ended up going to Customer Service to complain. I don’t like to complain. Neither of us do, but we simply pointed out several facts:
1. We should NEVER have found out about the staffing issues.
2. The employees should NEVER have allowed cappuccino grandma that close to us while paying OR to get in front of our orders.
3. Upon making a mistake, just shut up, apologize for it, and don’t try to justify it.
End of story.
The supervisor did apologize and promised they’d talk to the Starbucks staff. That’s all we wanted, really. And with that, we went to continue our shopping.
Intermission – or, HOT POCKETS, BITCHES!!!
During the course of the shopping, wolfie excused himself to go to the bathroom, while we were in the frozen food aisle. So off he goes, while I’m wandering around the frozen foods, when I hear a couple arguing the next aisle over. About hot pockets. Hot pockets are srs bznz. Holy shit, are they.
Him: But what about pepperoni?!
Her: I let you have pepperoni last week, THIS week we’re having something else!
Him: HOT POCKETS AIN’T HOT POCKETS IF THEY AIN’T PEPPERONI!!
I’m standing in the next aisle going
all over the place, until wolfie comes back and at that point, ok, we’re done, time to go now!!
At the Checkout…
WHY CAN’T THINGS GO SMOOTHLY!!
*ahem*
That is…even the checkout, there was no reprieve. The cashier was confused by some coupons I had and called for help, and it was the same supervisor we lodged our complaint with. I apologized for being a problem child, and she said no big deal, and explained how to do the coupons.
Great, easy fix, right!
…
Nope…
See, she plugs those coupons in right away. Then she goes through the other coupons. And she proceeds to do the following:
Scan the laundry detergent.
Scan the coupon for laundry detergent.
Scan the toilet paper.
Scan the toilet paper coupon.
Scan 6 cans of cat food.
Scan the cat food coupon.
Get puzzled when the coupon doesn’t go through.
Listen to me explain the wording on the coupon.
Scan the rest of the cans of cat food.
Scan the coupon again.
Look baffled at the other coupon for cat food.
Listen to me explain the coupon policy for her store.
And so on and so on and so on.
Seriously, this process took almost as long as it did to get my drink at Starbucks.
And through it all, I’m apologizing profusely to the people in line behind us, mouthing apologies and feeling horridly embarrassed for, you know, trying to save money. We finally get the total, and pay and get out. So thankful to get into the parking lot, we finally get the car loaded up.
I look at wolfie. He looks at me.
And I proceed to whimper because that’s it, immunity is gone, and the shenanigans, they LIVE.
“But, Lupo,” you say, “You said the crazy magnet ISN’T in effect when you shop with someone else.”
That’s what I thought, but friends? Today…today was a red letter day. Today the immunity that comes from shopping in pairs FAILED. And thus, Shopping Shenanigans have been revived. Someone took a defibrillator and shouted “clear” across the universe until the crazy woke up and said “let’s do this shit”. And thus, the following stories were born.
Sad thing is, she WAS asking for decaf
Upon first arriving at the store with the Big Red Bullseye, xx_wolfie_xx and I stopped at the in-store starbucks. That was mistake number one.
The barista on duty took a large, complicated order. We’re talking 7 frappuccinos, a couple iced beverages, something shaken, something stirred, just all over the place. She starts on two of them, and then proceeds to call someone over to give her a lunch break. Great, awesome, fantastic. Really. So, two Bullseye employees come over and they don’t know how to work the coffee counter, but they struggle along. We’re waiting to give our order, and as we’re standing at the counter, she approaches.
She is an old woman, who has no concept of personal space. We’re explaining our order and she just looms. Gets up right next to wolfie, and just stands right in his space. I swear, I was wondering if I’d have to scream sexual assault on her, she was THAT close. We place our orders, and I have to angle myself around so she doesn’t get elbowed in the gut while I’m swiping my card, she’s literally that close. Same thing when wolfie tries to swipe his card.
The employees said nothing. No, in fact they were too busy talking about how they were so short handed and so irritating and they only worked the counter once, and yadda yadda yadda. So, wolfie and I are getting a bit irate, and contemplating elbowing granny in the gullet. She barks at the employee “Cappuccino! Decaf!”
He asks what size. She repeats “Cappuccino!! DECAF!!”
Aaaannnd apparently granny is deaf and rude. Awesome. Whatever, we just need to get over and get our drinks and…
And we’re getting crowded. Again. Oh lord. I’m VERY irate at this point. Worse so, because the crowd with the large order are now being nitpicky while picking up their drinks.
“No, I wanted the smaller one.” “Is this mocha? I thought I was getting chocolate chip!”
And on and on and on and on. Meanwhile granny is crowding once again next to the drink counter, and we’re getting shoved aside. I look at wolfie, and state that if she tries to get her order before ours…
I finally, FINALLY, go to the counter, and granny cuts me off AGAIN and waves her receipt at the employee “CAPPUCCINO, DECAF!!”
That’s it, I decide I’m finished, and I walk away before I become entirely impolite and commit violence upon the elderly. I go to start shopping while wolfie waits for our order. I’m able to hit different areas and I circled back to go to Starbucks after I realize it’s been far too long. I go back and wolfie is standing at the drink counter still, with an annoyed look on his face.
He informs me that cappuccino grandma got her drink first, and they lost my drink. By this point yet another employee is there making drinks and he said ours should be up next, though he did say the employee oh so kindly informed him “well, I’m not supposed to be HERE anyway...” So I tell him I’ll go ahead and get more shopping done.
Finally, at least half an hour after I’ve placed my order, wolfie brings me my iced chai tea latte with pumpkin spice. Mmmm, pumpkin spice. I take a huge swallow.
And gag.
It’s coffee.
I don’t DRINK coffee. I drink tea. I drink Chai tea. I drink chai tea with pumpkin spiced, dammit, where’s my pumpkin chai!?
There was some adult language from my boyfriend after he tried the drink as well, and he went back to Starbucks. Upon informing the girl working the counter she gave him coffee instead of chai, what was her response?
Her: Oh, that’s chai.
Wolfie: … no, that’s coffee. We both tried it…
Ok, fine, she goes to make another drink. He pointedly tells her “iced soy chai with pumpkin spice”
She makes a chai and sprinkles the pumpkin spice topping on it. He asks if the pumpkin spice syrup is in it and she says yes, but he didn’t see her make it that way. And for those who’ve tried this pumpkin spice, you know it’s an orange color that’s quite distinct. This wasn’t.
Anyways, he brings it to me, he’s tired of dealing with her, and knew it was at least a chai, and not coffee. So I take a sip and yup, no pumpkin spice.
We ended up going to Customer Service to complain. I don’t like to complain. Neither of us do, but we simply pointed out several facts:
1. We should NEVER have found out about the staffing issues.
2. The employees should NEVER have allowed cappuccino grandma that close to us while paying OR to get in front of our orders.
3. Upon making a mistake, just shut up, apologize for it, and don’t try to justify it.
End of story.
The supervisor did apologize and promised they’d talk to the Starbucks staff. That’s all we wanted, really. And with that, we went to continue our shopping.
Intermission – or, HOT POCKETS, BITCHES!!!
During the course of the shopping, wolfie excused himself to go to the bathroom, while we were in the frozen food aisle. So off he goes, while I’m wandering around the frozen foods, when I hear a couple arguing the next aisle over. About hot pockets. Hot pockets are srs bznz. Holy shit, are they.
Him: But what about pepperoni?!
Her: I let you have pepperoni last week, THIS week we’re having something else!
Him: HOT POCKETS AIN’T HOT POCKETS IF THEY AIN’T PEPPERONI!!
I’m standing in the next aisle going
all over the place, until wolfie comes back and at that point, ok, we’re done, time to go now!! At the Checkout…
WHY CAN’T THINGS GO SMOOTHLY!!
*ahem*
That is…even the checkout, there was no reprieve. The cashier was confused by some coupons I had and called for help, and it was the same supervisor we lodged our complaint with. I apologized for being a problem child, and she said no big deal, and explained how to do the coupons.
Great, easy fix, right!
…
Nope…
See, she plugs those coupons in right away. Then she goes through the other coupons. And she proceeds to do the following:
Scan the laundry detergent.
Scan the coupon for laundry detergent.
Scan the toilet paper.
Scan the toilet paper coupon.
Scan 6 cans of cat food.
Scan the cat food coupon.
Get puzzled when the coupon doesn’t go through.
Listen to me explain the wording on the coupon.
Scan the rest of the cans of cat food.
Scan the coupon again.
Look baffled at the other coupon for cat food.
Listen to me explain the coupon policy for her store.
And so on and so on and so on.
Seriously, this process took almost as long as it did to get my drink at Starbucks.
And through it all, I’m apologizing profusely to the people in line behind us, mouthing apologies and feeling horridly embarrassed for, you know, trying to save money. We finally get the total, and pay and get out. So thankful to get into the parking lot, we finally get the car loaded up.
I look at wolfie. He looks at me.
And I proceed to whimper because that’s it, immunity is gone, and the shenanigans, they LIVE.
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