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...assholes and dickheads and kittens in mittens...
Uh..what was I talking about there? I blacked out and woke up humming a Sound of Music song...anyway, this has certainly been a week! Fresh off the asshole who broke my house phone, I got a slew of winners who just could not seem to behave. Where shall we begin?
Well, thanks for telling me at least.
Not an SC: Uh...I hate to have to tell you this...
Me: That doesn't sound good.
NASC: Well, yeah. Someone on your # floor has a dog...I think it peed right outside the elevators last night. It's actually dry...but you can see it's yellow, and smelly.
Me: ......super.
NASC: Yeah...I'm sorry.
Me: Eh, not your fault. This should be fun.
I'm not upset at the guest for obvious reasons...I mean, it's not like he peed...but seriously, what sort of asshole goes to take their dog for a walk, has the dog pee in the elevator landing, and then just shrugs and says "well, mission accomplished" before going back to their room. The same kind of asshole that can't just admit "hey, you have a mess up there" apparently. The same kind of asshole that would leave festering piss at the elevators on the floor they are staying with. There are 2 rooms with dogs on that floor, and I bet I know which one it is...but since I can't prove it, I can't add on some sneaky dog pee charge.
I only like you because my job says I have to.
Mother: We want to get a room for a group of 18 year old girls to have a surprise birthday party inside in a few weeks.
Me, out loud: Great!
Me, in my head: Fuck, I work that night!
People, as they get older, forget a very important fact of life about things: teenagers suck. They suck big, fat donkey balls. People hate teenagers...they are little, self-absorbed shits that only feature in daily life to make things harder for the adults who have to interact with them. I hate your children. But hey, I also like getting a paycheck, so SURE we could have them here! Because I won't want to eat my own face off in regret for making the offer later!!!
There is, I should mention, a slight possibility that I'm a tad bit jaded here. But I don't think so.
Bi-Polar Mania, here we go!
We have a group of guests at the hotel that are staying here under a corporate rate; one guy is here for work, the family is traveling along on a vacation, so they get a nice discount. I don't really know how to deal with them any more...on one hand, they always seem nice. Friendly, upbeat, courteous, clean, they're everything we usually hope for from hotel guests. However, that's only when we see them...when we interact with them in any manner that isn't face to face, Dr. Jekyll changes place with a combination of an angry yeti, Mister Satan from DBZ, and a syphilitic battletank of a human being named Terry (I presume that's his name, anyway). It doesn't matter which of them we talk to, all of them are possessed by Terrysatanyetitank, and everything goes to hell.
Let's compare. In person:
Me: How was your breakfast?
Them: It was wonderful!
Over the phone:
Them (the SAME ONE I just talked to): I want to know what the hell was wrong with your food this morning. It was awful!!!
Me:
Same thing over the internet...at the same time. They turned in a customer survey, and ranked us as perfect scores in everything...then eviscerated us in the comment section.
Twice. In two stays.
I just don't get it any more...
Pickle Puker
I don't even want to think about this one any more, so I'll use brief descriptors. Guest. Sits in lobby. With a jar of dill pickle spears. Eats them one by one and drinks the juice.
The inevitable happens.
I just handed him a mop and stood back glaring...and yeah, he cleaned it up.
Oh good, one last one for good measure
Quite literally as I finished typing about the puker, I got a brand new one to finish the post off with. We have a number of guys here with a company who've been staying for months...some of them since the middle of last year. So you could say we've met. There's a newer one that showed up about a month or so ago though that I've never seen before tonight, and he's managed to immediately get on my bad side within about five seconds.
Asshole: *comes to desk while I'm in the back, immediately starts slapping the desk and yelling "HELLO" before even giving me half a second to walk up and say something*
Me: Yes, how can I help you?
I see him after I say this...he's an older guy about mid 60's, no shirt on (but has pants, thankfully), and he just utterly reeks of booze. I'm in for a treat, I'm sure.
Ass: I need a fuckin' key to my fucking room.
Me: I can do that, do you have your ID on you? If not I can get you up to the room, and I have to verify it there.
Ass: Just fucking make me a key.
Me: I will, soon as I have your ID. If it's in the room, we can go up and get it there.
Ass: I'll show you my fucking key in the fucking room. I'm fucking pissed.
Me: (you're fucking stupid is what you are, since you obviously left the room half naked on your own).
After the most uncomfortable, awkward, silent elevator ride up, we walk to Asshole's room.
Assssssssssssss: Unlock the fucking door if you fucking can.
I don't say a word, I just unlock and open in, hold it open, he walks in and holds out his hand while I just stare at him.
Me: Your ID. Now.
Ass: Fuck you *tries to force the door shut but my foot's holding it open.*
Me: Your call. ID, or I can have the cop who comes in for coffee every night come take you to detox for the night instead.
Ass: *ineffective glare*
Ass finally gets his wallet and throws it at me...think he was aiming for the head, but he was too drunk and ended up banging it off the ceiling so it landed at my feet. Opened it, saw his ID, and held it out oh-so-nicely for him to snatch it out of my hand like a pouting child.
I don't think he's sober enough to remember that the CEO of his company is here this weekend...and that he keeps an open dialogue with me about his people. I definitely don't think he knows that I'm a spiteful, vengeful little man.
What? Vengeance (and bowties) are cool.
And that's it for this week...almost time to start the weekend.
Wait...that's not the hopeful pic I wanted. No! Don't cut my post off ye-
Uh..what was I talking about there? I blacked out and woke up humming a Sound of Music song...anyway, this has certainly been a week! Fresh off the asshole who broke my house phone, I got a slew of winners who just could not seem to behave. Where shall we begin?
Well, thanks for telling me at least.
Not an SC: Uh...I hate to have to tell you this...
Me: That doesn't sound good.
NASC: Well, yeah. Someone on your # floor has a dog...I think it peed right outside the elevators last night. It's actually dry...but you can see it's yellow, and smelly.
Me: ......super.
NASC: Yeah...I'm sorry.
Me: Eh, not your fault. This should be fun.
I'm not upset at the guest for obvious reasons...I mean, it's not like he peed...but seriously, what sort of asshole goes to take their dog for a walk, has the dog pee in the elevator landing, and then just shrugs and says "well, mission accomplished" before going back to their room. The same kind of asshole that can't just admit "hey, you have a mess up there" apparently. The same kind of asshole that would leave festering piss at the elevators on the floor they are staying with. There are 2 rooms with dogs on that floor, and I bet I know which one it is...but since I can't prove it, I can't add on some sneaky dog pee charge.
I only like you because my job says I have to.
Mother: We want to get a room for a group of 18 year old girls to have a surprise birthday party inside in a few weeks.
Me, out loud: Great!
Me, in my head: Fuck, I work that night!
People, as they get older, forget a very important fact of life about things: teenagers suck. They suck big, fat donkey balls. People hate teenagers...they are little, self-absorbed shits that only feature in daily life to make things harder for the adults who have to interact with them. I hate your children. But hey, I also like getting a paycheck, so SURE we could have them here! Because I won't want to eat my own face off in regret for making the offer later!!!
There is, I should mention, a slight possibility that I'm a tad bit jaded here. But I don't think so.
Bi-Polar Mania, here we go!
We have a group of guests at the hotel that are staying here under a corporate rate; one guy is here for work, the family is traveling along on a vacation, so they get a nice discount. I don't really know how to deal with them any more...on one hand, they always seem nice. Friendly, upbeat, courteous, clean, they're everything we usually hope for from hotel guests. However, that's only when we see them...when we interact with them in any manner that isn't face to face, Dr. Jekyll changes place with a combination of an angry yeti, Mister Satan from DBZ, and a syphilitic battletank of a human being named Terry (I presume that's his name, anyway). It doesn't matter which of them we talk to, all of them are possessed by Terrysatanyetitank, and everything goes to hell.
Let's compare. In person:
Me: How was your breakfast?
Them: It was wonderful!
Over the phone:
Them (the SAME ONE I just talked to): I want to know what the hell was wrong with your food this morning. It was awful!!!
Me:
Same thing over the internet...at the same time. They turned in a customer survey, and ranked us as perfect scores in everything...then eviscerated us in the comment section.
Twice. In two stays.
I just don't get it any more...
Pickle Puker
I don't even want to think about this one any more, so I'll use brief descriptors. Guest. Sits in lobby. With a jar of dill pickle spears. Eats them one by one and drinks the juice.
The inevitable happens.
I just handed him a mop and stood back glaring...and yeah, he cleaned it up.
Oh good, one last one for good measure
Quite literally as I finished typing about the puker, I got a brand new one to finish the post off with. We have a number of guys here with a company who've been staying for months...some of them since the middle of last year. So you could say we've met. There's a newer one that showed up about a month or so ago though that I've never seen before tonight, and he's managed to immediately get on my bad side within about five seconds.
Asshole: *comes to desk while I'm in the back, immediately starts slapping the desk and yelling "HELLO" before even giving me half a second to walk up and say something*
Me: Yes, how can I help you?
I see him after I say this...he's an older guy about mid 60's, no shirt on (but has pants, thankfully), and he just utterly reeks of booze. I'm in for a treat, I'm sure.
Ass: I need a fuckin' key to my fucking room.
Me: I can do that, do you have your ID on you? If not I can get you up to the room, and I have to verify it there.
Ass: Just fucking make me a key.
Me: I will, soon as I have your ID. If it's in the room, we can go up and get it there.
Ass: I'll show you my fucking key in the fucking room. I'm fucking pissed.
Me: (you're fucking stupid is what you are, since you obviously left the room half naked on your own).
After the most uncomfortable, awkward, silent elevator ride up, we walk to Asshole's room.
Assssssssssssss: Unlock the fucking door if you fucking can.
I don't say a word, I just unlock and open in, hold it open, he walks in and holds out his hand while I just stare at him.
Me: Your ID. Now.
Ass: Fuck you *tries to force the door shut but my foot's holding it open.*
Me: Your call. ID, or I can have the cop who comes in for coffee every night come take you to detox for the night instead.
Ass: *ineffective glare*
Ass finally gets his wallet and throws it at me...think he was aiming for the head, but he was too drunk and ended up banging it off the ceiling so it landed at my feet. Opened it, saw his ID, and held it out oh-so-nicely for him to snatch it out of my hand like a pouting child.
I don't think he's sober enough to remember that the CEO of his company is here this weekend...and that he keeps an open dialogue with me about his people. I definitely don't think he knows that I'm a spiteful, vengeful little man.
What? Vengeance (and bowties) are cool.
And that's it for this week...almost time to start the weekend.
Wait...that's not the hopeful pic I wanted. No! Don't cut my post off ye-
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