Snaggletooth: The Beginnings

Luna · #1 04-17-2007, 10:54 PM

I'm not sure if I've ever posted about her - but I once worked with a woman we called "Snaggletooth".

We weren't mean simply because she was well, to put it nicely - downright scary. We were mean b/c she had a strange power trip and loved to put you down every chance she could get. In front of other staff, in front of customers - in front of visiting corporate people - didn't matter. Her goal was to ‘shmooze up’ and make herself look good by beating YOU down.

She was hired at or shortly after grand opening of (bookstore). I don't know why. I really don't.

She was severely overweight. (I am overweight too - so no angry PMs, I'm simply describing her.) She would wear a skimpy spaghetti strap tank top with a thin sweater over it. Frequently with no bra. She would wear a skirt with no stockings and Mary Jane type shoes. She would take her shoes off at the register and the smell was near lethal dozens of feet away. She had hair down to her mid-back but was balding. Yet she'd comb her 3-inch curly fake nails through her hair (which was dyed clown red or maroon) and always tell you about how her boyfriend loves her hair. All 25 strands of it I'm guessing. On most non-wash days, her hair would be very clumpy and shiney from the grease and would barely lift from her head as she walked.

She smelled of urine, cigarette smoke and bad body odor. The body odor was so very very bad that your eyes would water. You could tell she had been at the info desk hours after she had gone home. You have to have BAD odor in order for WOOD to absorb it.

I had gotten highlights in my hair one day. When I came into work - she saw them - ran her fingers through her greasy hair and said, "Oh you got highlights? That's nice, but I should give you the number for my stylist because my hair is dyed SOOO much nicer than yours. Yours really didn't come out that great you know."

She sauntered by me, flicked her bright clown red greasy strands at me and laughed. Of course my expression was.

and then

She also wore spandex a lot. She was constantly talked to about her really skimpy clothes, and would change once in a while - but then it would go back. Her clothes also smelled like piss. Once the sucky SM came to the store - she refused to do anything about Snaggletooth or let ME do anything about it b/c she didn't like confrontation. So it only got worse. Oh, she loved to gossip about her, but would never have the balls to talk to her. She loved that we all suffered.

So why did we call her Snaggletooth? She had crazy bad teeth. Now my hubby had bad teeth – but we got it taken care of over time. She had one tooth that would stick out of her upper mouth. It was immense wand would push her lip up. This tooth was anchored in her mouth in a very strange way. Yes, I said anchored. The tooth itself was somehow attached to a flat platform, which looked like a piece of Chicklet gum. Then this chicklet piece was pushed up against where her tooth would be rooted if it were and put in place by wire that was embedded into her upper mouth. You would se this all the time b/c she would flirt with men and lick her teeth at them. She would also freak us all out by playing with this tooth. She’d use her tongue to wiggle the platform that the tooth was attached to and thereby make the entire tooth shimmy up and down as she talked, or was bored listening to YOU talk. It was frightening, and gross. Her breath was as foul as her body odor and all her teeth were a nice plaque-colored yellowish brown. She also wore bright red lipstick, which drew even more attention to the teeth.

Call those of us who had the misfortune to work with her mean, but please reserve judgment until I begin posting some of the horror stories about her. I assure you it is justified.

The picture I quickly drew in MS paint to show what it the makeshift tooth looked like. Just picture that in a mouth, with flame red lipstick, and a nice brown yellow color - being wiggled at you.

Luna · #2 04-17-2007, 11:43 PM

One of the many things Snaggletooth did was talk about her raging sex life with her soul mate. Her soul mate wasn't the slovenly man she'd bring in who lived with her, who smelled just as bad. Oh, no.

Her soul mate was in maximum security prison for attempted kidnapping and I forget what else. But he didn't do it! His partner framed him! (If you are innocent - why do you have a partner???) She would catch you when you couldn't get away (such as being stuck covering the music department's break) and tell you all about the sordid affairs. She'd tell you about the lovely details of the um...visits...when she drove down to see him. She's even tell you how'd she strip-tease for him. Meanwhile, you'd be stuck listening to her (trying to hold your breath) with no escape. She'd bring in letters they wrote to each other and begin reading them without warning in the break room.

Then when she noticed you weren't interested in her story - she'd find something you've done wrong to go tell the SM about to get back at you for not listening. If you decided to actually take the 15 minute break by law you should get that the SM wouldn't let you have - she'd tell. If you spent more than 2 minutes talking to another co-worker - even if you both were doing something productive - she'd tell.

Stay tuned for more...