need a few suggestions on this

[KellyHabersham]

*Something which has come up with my daughter, Heather recently.....it's not anything negative towards her but it's kind of concerning to me because we are trying to get her to expand her social circle*

To give some brief background - I may or may not have some degree of high-functioning autism. I've never been officially diagnosed with anything, but I do recall that when my younger brother was in high school, he complained about not wanting to bring friends home because of how "weird" I acted. (I also remember our sister asking me to "fix" myself before we went to Georgia to visit family members during one spring break)

Flash-forward to recently......Heather told me that anytime she's brought a friend over, that person asks what is "wrong" with me. I don't know if it's something which comes up immediately, and Heather said nobody ever asked that in a negative way, but she didn't specify anything I might have said or done that would inspire a friend to ask that.

I do think part of it is that at 36, I'm a lot younger than most of her friend's parents, and maybe because I don't drive or date. (neither is really by choice, but it's hard to explain that) And I guess what I'm needing advice on is......how do I handle this situation? I don't want to be unfriendly or make any of Heather's friends feel unwelcome in the house, but at the same time, it gets frustrating being told people notice something is "off" about me but I don't get told specifics.

[Sapphire Silk]

Tell your daughter that you are who you are, and you don't have to explain or defend yourself to anyone. Whatever her friend's malfunction is, it's up to her to explain it if she wants a resolution. If this girl can't be accepting of you, she's a fair weather friend and your daughter could do better. That's up to her, of course.

As long as you are kind and welcoming, the problem is not you but this friend. And your brother. And your sister.

If you have insurance you can go to a psychologist and ask to be evaluated for Asperger's Syndrome, if you think the label will help other people to understand you better. I will say a lot of my friends and colleagues instantly got me when I finally told folks about the diagnosis (I didn't, for a couple of years after getting it). My co-workers have learned not to get upset at things that might have bothered them before, but to point out to me when I do something they don't understand or that offends or irritates them. Since I'm willing to take ownership of my actual behaviors, it has smoothed social relations at work quite a bit with most (though not all) of my co-workers.

But the problem is NOT you. You are a wonderful person, and your life choices are no one else's business.

My brother wanted me to fix myself when we were in high school. To be more feminine and girly. I'm more than a bit of a tom boy, but I'm not a lesbian or transgender. At the time I didn't know I had Asperger's Syndrome. I tried to explain to him I liked myself the way I was and saw no reason to change. He didn't get it and still doesn't. I've learned to accept that, though it makes me sad sometimes.

I've had other friends say to me people think I'm gay or weird when I'm not. I can't help what other people think. I'm not going to make myself uncomfortable or unhappy just to change someone's wrong perception of me.

I pay a price for that, I suppose. Some people are very intolerant. But the issue is with them, and not me. I'm a caring person, and I've spent my whole professional career caring for others in crisis. I'm a loyal and devoted daughter, sister, aunt, and friend.

It grieves me sometimes when the people around me aren't willing to accept my quirks, which hurt no one. But forcing myself to be unhappy isn't the answer.

/rant.