Does not compute...

[KhirasHY]

Got this one from my CWs...been a while since I've had anything good, so I figured I'd share it. I call this one, simply...

Derp.

A week or two ago, we had someone turn in a lost and found item. It was nothing major, just a fold-up lawn chair, but when the guest turned it in to our front desk, he joked that it was "clearly something valuable." Queue a creepy guy walking up, and doing the douchiest thing imaginable:

Idiot: "Yeah, I think someone turned in an item that I lost."
CW: "Alright, what was the item they turned in?"
Idiot: "Uh...I don't know. The wife is the one who knew."
CW: "O...kay? Well, if you'd like, I can call up to her and find out what you had lost from her?"
Idiot: "Well didn't that guy just turn it in?"
CW: "He turned in A item, but we would need to confirm that it is your item; for that, I would need to know what you lost."

Idiot ranted at CW for a bit, then stormed up to his room...without telling us who he was, or what his room number was, so we couldn't call his wife. We figured that he was just a scuzzball trying to steal, and forgot about it.

Fast forward to today, that ass got one of our internet surveys, and railed on about how we sucked, and how we wouldn't give him his lost item back. Of course, he conveniently left out the part about how he could/would not even identify what he was supposedly missing. Right. Sure.

Fuckwit.

[eltf177]

Please make sure to tell your side of the story before this dim bulb gets all sorts of compensation for the trauma your staff caused him!

[Captain Trips]

Please make sure to tell your side of the story before this dim bulb gets all sorts of compensation for the trauma your staff caused him!

That is, if your corporate has somewhere for "employee's response." Many don't, all they care about is the customer's story. (If yours is one of those, get your resume ready....)

[KhirasHY]

It's already been explained to them by my CW and one of the managers who was there at the time, so we're definitely not giving them anything for their stupidity at our level. Corporate may be another story, but they actually are pretty good at not giving in once someone's stupidity is exposed in this way.

Edit: Even better, I found out that he still couldn't identify what his lost item was in the survey! How completely full of shit could he get?

[Jay 2K Winger]

"Of course it's company policy to never imply ownership in the event of a dildo. We have to use the indefinite article. It's always a dildo, never... your dildo..."

[KhirasHY]

"Of course it's company policy to never imply ownership in the event of a dildo. We have to use the indefinite article. It's always a dildo, never... your dildo..."

You know, I quoted that at my CW when I heard the story too! Great minds...

[Josh]

It would have been epic to hand him the biggest and most obscene dildo from the lost and found bin, and just flop it in the counter with a 'here you go'

[houdini]

All lost&found bins should have a huge, obscene dildo for just such a customer.

[earl colby pottinger]

But

But what if he wants it, and goes away holding it with a big grin?

[Jay 2K Winger]

But what if he wants it, and goes away holding it with a big grin?

Don't judge him, just wash your hands of it. (Literally. You don't know where his hands have been. And don't want to know where they've been.)