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*rant* one way to end up poor... Long

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  • *rant* one way to end up poor... Long

    For many years, my wife had been bailing her sister and husband out of financial trouble (before I met her) It was always one thing or another, but always in the end came down to them spending more money than they earned. For instance, buying new furniture, and then being all shocked when they had no money to pay taxes. The last straw was when they declared BK and then decided to move, just because, And my wife's sister giving up a good solid job in the process.

    He's a real estate appraiser who is one of those types that will never work for "the man" but doesn't enough business sense to be successful at self-employment. Tax time always came as some sort of huge shock every year, and they were always behind paying the IRS because they never set aside self-employment tax or paid their estimated taxes throughout the year.

    Several years ago, they bought a house... I told my wife that was the last straw... Their income has never been solid enough to pay a mortgage, and there was No Way we were bailing them out of THAT decision. Well when the crash happened, there was still a need for skilled appraisers, but the whole structure of the business changed, and you had to either work for a bank, or a large appraisal company. Since he's "above" working for The Man, he's been effectively unemployed since then. Neither one of them will take a McJob because they "don't pay enough", even though min. Wage would be infinity-times what they are making now, which is $0. They are living by mooching off the husband's parents, but they are chronically short on cash.

    After we were down there for thanksgiving, my wife was commenting on how they had a house of nice, mostly new-ish furniture, new floors, new washer and dryer, decent electronics, also new-ish, etc. she made this comment while I had my head buried in the innards of the couch, using a repair kit off of eBay to reattach some suspension springs, and this is recently after fixing the recliner mechanism of this Craigslist special. ($800 couch for $50 because it needed a $10 repair part I installed in five minutes with a screwdriver.) I'm not super-handy, but can YouTube with the best of 'em. This is so I can prop my feet on the beat-up coffee table, watch the seven-year-old rear projection TV, etc. Despite having a household income that puts us well into the top ten percent, we both drive normal cars, each of which has been paid off for years. We live in a house half the size of what all the mortgage calculators say we can "afford", our washer and dryer are the cheap (and easily repaired) ones I bought fifteen years ago for my apartment, etc.

    They just bought a new car (asked us to co-sign... I said Hell No.). And despite the husband being quite handy, they have not a single shelf in the garage with even simple home-repair stuff. (Not talking hard-core carpentry here, just the nuts, bolts, nails, widgets, etc. that every reasonably handy and frugal homeowner has in the garage.)

    And they wonder why we've always had enough money, and they don't. Spend Less Than You Make is not some magical financial secret. I have plenty of sympathy for folks fallen on hard times, but the only reason these two stay completely flat broke is because they feel the world owes them a living doing work that isn't somehow beneath them. They refuse any job that will pay them less than they "are worth". News Flash: something is "worth" precisely what you can find somebody to pay you... Not one dollar more.

    *sigh*. If anybody is searching for why some reasonably-intelligent and educated people get poor and stay that way, they are a great example. When life gives them lemons, they sit and wait for it to magically turn into an orange.

  • #2
    My husband is a postdoc, which means he works his ass off for not much money. I stay at home with the kids. All the postdocs in his lab make the same salary. Yet we are pretty comfortable, while his labmates are always whining about how they are broke and their wives wish they could stay home like me.

    Well, they could stay home if they didn't have the 5-bedroom house, the gas-guzzling SUV, the multiple game consoles, and have to upgrade their phones every time Apple releases a new one. We only have a flatscreen TV because my dad gave us his old one. We don't have smartphones. We have a Wii, and nothing else. We buy everything store brand. And we are saving for our kids' futures (not as much as we'd like, but we are saving), and we can afford to go on the odd trip in the summer. Our kids are just as happy as their kids. I knew our son wouldn't thrive in a daycare environment (he is not aggressive enough to fight for attention) and that me staying home would be best for him.

    It's all about priorities.
    https://www.facebook.com/authorpatriciacorrell/

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    • #3
      Reminds me of my younger brother, who works for the county. He's been at his cushy job about 10 years now..yet never seems to have money, and is constantly bitching and moaning about various things.

      Before he moved out, I got to hear about how "hard" he had it. I'd already moved out, but I'd drop by my parents' place now and then. One night, he started bitching about having to pay bills. Since he was paying minimal rent and really didn't have any bills, I lost it. I flipped out on him, something along the lines of "your $100-a-month rent to Mom isn't shit. I have to pay multiple times that for a mortgage. I have car payments, home repairs, insurance, the electric bill, phone bill, vet bills, taxes, repairs, and food. So shut the fuck up and deal."

      You'd think that would be the end of it. But, once he moved out, it got worse. For example, the last time I went over there, I got to hear him bitch about not being able to afford groceries that week. Yet, there's always money for video games, playing hockey (he plays in a local amateur league), and going out with friends. I can understand not wanting to cut back on your hobbies--I have a few myself. But, to choose between eating and gaming? Pardon my French, but are you fucking kidding me?

      Since I refuse to bail his ass out, he whines to our mother, who will buy him shit and still gives him money. Did I mention that he's 35? He plays the victim all the time, and people like our mother will suck that shit up and feel sorry for him. Once a month, she'll take him shopping to "pick up the essentials." Again, seriously?

      What pisses me (and our dad) off about this, is that if she's constantly buying him shit...when will he ever learn? Oh, and our parents are retired. They've had their own money issues years ago, only got out of that mess in the past decade, and really shouldn't be supporting him any more. With that said, it's going to be *very* interesting after our parents are gone. Who will he sponge off of?
      Aerodynamics are for people who can't build engines. --Enzo Ferrari

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      • #4
        Protege: That one is easy!

        You.
        My Guide to Oblivion

        "I resent the implication that I've gone mad, Sprocket."

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        • #5
          The reason people do things like this is that people keep bailing them out. They won't grow up and learn to deal on their own until everyone, and I mean everyone they know or are related to, refuses to hand over one more penny.
          When you start at zero, everything's progress.

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          • #6
            While I don't have some high-salary job, I know when not to spend over what I earn. This has allowed me to save up more then enough for a week-long trip next year, have a few small expensivegadgets, and STILL am able to pay my bills every month.
            Eh, one day I'll have something useful here. Until then, have a cookie or two.

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            • #7
              Quoth Tama View Post
              You.
              He'd like to think so. But, I tend to see through his bullshit, and he'll not be getting a dime from me.
              Aerodynamics are for people who can't build engines. --Enzo Ferrari

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              • #8
                Quoth protege View Post
                he'll not be getting a dime from me.
                And he'll be shocked! Shocked, I tell you!

                Comment


                • #9
                  My Ex was like that (spending more than I brought in working --- her not working long story with a serious medical condition).

                  Her nickname for me used to be Scrooge. HMMMMM I wonder why.

                  I tended to want to save $$$$ for a rainy day

                  She listened to her inner self AND her GFs who told her "IT'S your money too so go out and spend it"

                  After she left I accumulated more savings that I had EVER had in my life.
                  I'm lost without a paddle and headed up SH*T creek.
                  -- Life Sucks Then You Die.


                  "I'll believe corp. are people when Texas executes one."

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                  • #10
                    Money. Some people rule it. Other people are ruled by it. And some people *let* themselves be ruled by it.

                    I genuinely don't understand people like this. I've been in long-term debt once in my entire adult life during college, and I *loathed* it. After graduation and being fortunate enough to land a good job, I lived like a monk for a whole year until my damned debts were eradicated.

                    Been debt-free for over 3 years now. According to Statscan I make more money than the average person, but I'm still driving the same bucket-of-bolts '98 Corolla
                    Happiness is the exercise of vital powers along lines of excellence in a life affording you scope.

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                    • #11
                      Quoth Racket_Man View Post
                      My Ex was like that (spending more than I brought in working --- her not working long story with a serious medical condition).

                      Her nickname for me used to be Scrooge. HMMMMM I wonder why.

                      I tended to want to save $$$$ for a rainy day

                      She listened to her inner self AND her GFs who told her "IT'S your money too so go out and spend it"

                      After she left I accumulated more savings that I had EVER had in my life.
                      Except for the gender and the medical condition, you just described MY ex! Right down to calling me Scrooge. And he wonders to this day why he's always broke. Sometimes I really pity his current wife . . .

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                      • #12
                        Quoth Talon View Post
                        Been debt-free for over 3 years now. According to Statscan I make more money than the average person, but I'm still driving the same bucket-of-bolts '98 Corolla
                        My first car was also a 98 Corolla. Although I did splurge a few years later and bought myself the car of my dreams... A VW station wagon, which is still my daily driver, Now with 137k miles on the clock. Paid off for seven years now...

                        I'm not personally debt free, but think a sensible mortgage is the sort of thing debt is supposed to be used for. I should have it paid off about five years before I plan to stop working.

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                        • #13
                          That's good, then you can save half or more of your mortgage payment for retirement!
                          My Guide to Oblivion

                          "I resent the implication that I've gone mad, Sprocket."

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Quoth MoonCat View Post
                            The reason people do things like this is that people keep bailing them out. They won't grow up and learn to deal on their own until everyone, and I mean everyone they know or are related to, refuses to hand over one more penny.
                            Very true......I've got a cousin on my dad's side of the family who's in his 40s, he's always lived with/mooched off his mother, and it's mostly because she enables this.

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                            • #15
                              I am going to be $60,000 in debt in 2 weeks. I am buying a house.

                              I have already calculated my estimated expenses (added on $100 that will go to a special savings account for home repairs/needs) and figure that I will have about $200 left at the end of the month. Which I will save part, tithe part, and do my hobbies with part ($50/month tops).

                              I lived at home with my parents for 10 years, only requirement was to pay off my student/car loans (which my mother let me use her Certified Deposits as collateral, so only 3.5% interest ), and pay the city and trash bills. About $500 a month.

                              My brother and his wife are going to get the same deal (they just moved back in).

                              I was taught about finical stuff when I was in High School. I can not be the only one who understands it (Judging by the posts here, most regular CS posters understand it). I just do not understand why other people do not get this simple concept, spend less then you make,
                              I might be crazy, but I'm not Insane.

                              What? You don't play with flamethrowers on the weekends? You are strange.

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