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See a couple/few months ago I basically ended it with two long time friends (R and K). I'm talking decade plus friendship for both of them. we would game pretty much weekly and then a couple years ago this happened: http://www.customerssuck.com/board/s...ad.php?t=94324 we reconciled eventually and started hanging out again, I apologized for things I had done wrong and called them out on some of their behaviour.
One thing that bugged me a lot was every now and then they'd make a comment about trying to "get me into the game". What really bothered me was one time I designed something in game and their response was "finally I was getting into it more". I finally confronted them about it and I don't remember enough of what was said to explain it but it boiled down to I wasn't talking to them about the game stuff enough. I'm sorry I thought that devoting an entire day to you guys every week when I'm in school, working two jobs, not living in town and having to arrange rides every week was enough, further you guys live together and can just yell loudly to talk to each other so it's not fair to compare that to our relationship.
I eventually told them to stop making the comments and they did but then I would get a phone call every few weeks from whichever of them was running the current game asking me "what I wanted from the game" basically the same thing again but in different words and weirdly I noticed they would ask the exact same questions. I eventually got tired of this and had to have a conversation with them to stop it.
Over time I noticed there was some subtle mood policing and behaviour controlling going on, it's hard to describe but I'd be expected to change a minor behaviour but expecting the same in return always had to be a long drawn out conversation. I don't think I can really describe all the little things properly but eventually I felt like I had myself tied in knots just being over there when it used to be a place I could relax and be myself.
There were two issues one was the fact that I'd actually see them almost deliberately misinterpret me sometimes. I sent them a link explaining introverts to extroverts and K wrote back saying he had no idea I'd been having panic attacks. I went over the article 3 times after that and didn't see it mention panic attacks anywhere in there.
The big issue was in game romance. I don't care for it myself but never minded too much when others did it. Except K'd always not so subtly try to get my character involved usually by introducing specifically designed love interests for my character or in one instance after a time jump say my character had moved in with someone. Originally I just blatantly ignored it all and hoped K'd take the hint but that didn't happen. R'd make jokes about me ignoring them and eventually I told them I was not interested I had to say very clearly several times before they got it and we're talking over several months. That didn't stop them, one of R's characters ran a brothel and he'd make jokes about sending my character coupons because they'd never seen me be with anyone and defend it with "that's how my character would act". Frankly after asking all those times what I wanted out of the game maybe when I tell you what I want you should listen.
Eventually I just tired of dealing with everything and the amount of anxiety I'd feel before going over there and decided I'd had enough. I sent them an email explaining how I felt like they just never seem to accept me for who I am and I don't think they ever will and how I just can't do it anymore.
In response I got nothing from either of them. Then when K's father in law got sick he called to let me know because I considered him a friend. He made a comment that he'd read my letter and made a comment about us not meshing and ended the conversation. No real acknowledgement of any of the issues or anything. I didn't get a chance to visit the hospital and after K's FIL went home I got a guilt trip email about never arranging to pick movies I'd lent K and there was also a comment about me not visiting KFIL. I figured in the grand scheme the movies could wait as they weren't that important but I ended picking them up when k and r were out they left them in the mailbox.
The thing about this is I don't miss them, I don't feel sad, I don't even really feel that mad except about that guilt trip email. I feel bad that I don't feel bad as the title says it feels so alien to me not to care that I'm not really friends with these guys anymore but at the same time there is so much less stress in my life. I don't really have a point to this thread I just wanted to put this out there somewhere.
One thing that bugged me a lot was every now and then they'd make a comment about trying to "get me into the game". What really bothered me was one time I designed something in game and their response was "finally I was getting into it more". I finally confronted them about it and I don't remember enough of what was said to explain it but it boiled down to I wasn't talking to them about the game stuff enough. I'm sorry I thought that devoting an entire day to you guys every week when I'm in school, working two jobs, not living in town and having to arrange rides every week was enough, further you guys live together and can just yell loudly to talk to each other so it's not fair to compare that to our relationship.
I eventually told them to stop making the comments and they did but then I would get a phone call every few weeks from whichever of them was running the current game asking me "what I wanted from the game" basically the same thing again but in different words and weirdly I noticed they would ask the exact same questions. I eventually got tired of this and had to have a conversation with them to stop it.
Over time I noticed there was some subtle mood policing and behaviour controlling going on, it's hard to describe but I'd be expected to change a minor behaviour but expecting the same in return always had to be a long drawn out conversation. I don't think I can really describe all the little things properly but eventually I felt like I had myself tied in knots just being over there when it used to be a place I could relax and be myself.
There were two issues one was the fact that I'd actually see them almost deliberately misinterpret me sometimes. I sent them a link explaining introverts to extroverts and K wrote back saying he had no idea I'd been having panic attacks. I went over the article 3 times after that and didn't see it mention panic attacks anywhere in there.
The big issue was in game romance. I don't care for it myself but never minded too much when others did it. Except K'd always not so subtly try to get my character involved usually by introducing specifically designed love interests for my character or in one instance after a time jump say my character had moved in with someone. Originally I just blatantly ignored it all and hoped K'd take the hint but that didn't happen. R'd make jokes about me ignoring them and eventually I told them I was not interested I had to say very clearly several times before they got it and we're talking over several months. That didn't stop them, one of R's characters ran a brothel and he'd make jokes about sending my character coupons because they'd never seen me be with anyone and defend it with "that's how my character would act". Frankly after asking all those times what I wanted out of the game maybe when I tell you what I want you should listen.
Eventually I just tired of dealing with everything and the amount of anxiety I'd feel before going over there and decided I'd had enough. I sent them an email explaining how I felt like they just never seem to accept me for who I am and I don't think they ever will and how I just can't do it anymore.
In response I got nothing from either of them. Then when K's father in law got sick he called to let me know because I considered him a friend. He made a comment that he'd read my letter and made a comment about us not meshing and ended the conversation. No real acknowledgement of any of the issues or anything. I didn't get a chance to visit the hospital and after K's FIL went home I got a guilt trip email about never arranging to pick movies I'd lent K and there was also a comment about me not visiting KFIL. I figured in the grand scheme the movies could wait as they weren't that important but I ended picking them up when k and r were out they left them in the mailbox.
The thing about this is I don't miss them, I don't feel sad, I don't even really feel that mad except about that guilt trip email. I feel bad that I don't feel bad as the title says it feels so alien to me not to care that I'm not really friends with these guys anymore but at the same time there is so much less stress in my life. I don't really have a point to this thread I just wanted to put this out there somewhere.
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