Professional write ups on staff when they screw up

[Moirae]

As many of you know, I have a new job. I've been there approximately 3 months. And I've made some mistakes. It's been a difficult adjustment for me to go from one job to another, and being out of work and working full time. This is humiliating for me, as I have been in this industry for a very long time, including as a staff manager myself having to fix the mistakes of the employees under me. When I first started staff management, I used to get incredibly aggravated over every mistake. It upset them and was causing me alot of stress. I had to learn to let some things go for my own health and theirs because it just wasn't worth it.

Well now I've been "verbally" warned twice (with it actually being written down), and I'm supposed to have the last mistakes from last week "documented" on Monday.

A bit about what happened. I'm the assistant. The managers were gone for four days and I got my behind handed to me trying to cover for both of them. Busy is putting it lightly. I could not keep up and always had a pile of stuff to do sitting on my desk at the end of the day for the next day. I could have worked another hour or two each day to get it all done. Yes, I was getting overwhelmed because it was so much and I could have used two more hands and another ear to type and answer the phone at the same time.

So the mistakes? When I flipped one thing in an account it changed the code in another and I forgot to flip the code back. I didn't check those accounts in fast enough for the General Manager's taste on the day of. And even though I swear I talked to the account rep that day and was told it was ok to charge, I posted a rather large payment to their credit card. Turns out the GM had a check from them but didn't tell me and I'm "supposed to ask". Apparently the onus of communication always is supposed to fall on me and no one else.

So I'm supposed to be "documented" for it tomorrow.

My stomach hurts and I've spent the last two days crying. I can't afford to lose this job.

In the last two "verbal warnings" that were about things like missing something in a document that the manager decided should have been in the document anyway (I'm supposed to be a mind reader apparently and just KNOW what the manager wants included, right up to creating legal language for a clause the manager decided to make up even though the managers know I'm not legally trained). Each and every time, my direct report decided to write down my reaction to him discussing it with me. And I said words like "amateurish mistakes" and how it's embarrassing to make such mistakes after so many years in the industry. An emotional reaction to be admitted. I am a woman. That does happen when you drag out the conversation for too long after the woman has admitted and apologized for the mistake.

As a manager, when writing up the employee, I always kept to the facts even when it was a woman. The emotional reaction doesn't matter in the least. What mattered is if the person admitted to the mistake, apologized, and we agreed on a way to try to make sure it didn't happen again. Provided she wasn't abusive toward me, the reaction didn't matter nor did the words said even if they were self deprecating, or even if she burst into tears in front of me. Because women do that, including me. Women take things emotionally. It's what we do. I would never have put that the woman used words like "amateurish" during our conversation because it doesn't matter to the topic at hand. He, on the other hand, has been writing it down and it feels like using it against me.

I'm lucky the other manager is the HR and she's a woman because she just shrugs any emotional reaction off.

I feel like smacking my direct report upside the head. He's ten years younger than I am and doesn't seem to understand that women get emotional. Provided it's not abusive towards him, he should just ignore it like it isn't even happening because it doesn't matter. Women get emotional over everything, even watching a tv commercial with a cute cat can start the water works. It's part of being a girl.

And Friday, I have to admit that I teared up which seemed to make him very uncomfortable. I apologized and said "I'm sorry, I'm doing the girl thing." then wiped away the tears and moved on like it didn't happen. And I just KNOW he's going to document it and use it against me. There's no need to but he will anyway because he's used my words against me the last two times by recording them after the fact in the "verbal warning" paperwork even though they weren't directed at him, they were directed at myself and my embarrassment at the problems.

And I don't know what to do this time. I don't know if I should take it directly to HR when he does it.

Quite frankly, this is a hostile work environment claim in the making. And I have only been there three months in a work at will state. He is causing me alot of stress because he's nitpicking everything I do (even underling/not underlining and bolding/not bolding certain words is apparently wrong even if the rest of the document is right). I'm starting to feel like I can't do anything right for him. I'm getting stomach aches, and just bursting into tears at odd times outside of work. I'm sitting here trying not to cry as I type this.

He used to do my job for the manager before me so he moved from my position into that one after doing it for 4 years. He seems to expect me to be a mini him and do everything just like he did. He even mentions "I tell you to do this stuff because I figured it out through trial and error that it's the right way to do things".

Please help me, I don't know what I do. It took me 7 months to find a job last time and we need the money. I can't work a job where I have to stand for 8 hours due to my bad leg, I'd be in the hospital.

[NecessaryCatharsis]

I wasn't there and I don't know exactly what you were told, but I see a lot of items in here that are similar to the way I do discipline where I work. We also write up verbal warnings. I usually make sure to tell the employee that a verbal warning is literally that, a warning, not a disciplinary action. The only reason we write it down and file it is to make sure that it is noted, those files can be very useful. In 5 months if a different supervisor has been having the same issue with the same employee it could mean that the employee is not working satisfactory, or that more serious retraining efforts are required. If 6/10 new employees in a year end up with written warnings on the same issue, there is obviously a problem with our training program, and it needs to be improved.

There is a spot on the written form for employee comments. It is always filled out, even if it just says employee had no comment. In a case like one that you mentioned above I would certainly note your reluctance to write your own clause to a legally binding document. That would be an opportunity for the company to create standard phrases you could choose from to add to the documents, and it would cover the company too, by ensuring that their documents are clear and legally mean what they should. In the first case, the code you state you forgot to flip back would certainly be noted. If you forgot it means your training was adequate, and unless it is something you forget frequently, there is no need for disciplinary action. When you charged the customers credit card you stated it was because you didn't know you are supposed to ask the GM. That response would be noted also. Now you know, and the training of that procedure is written into your 'verbal' warning. If you're only at the three month mark I wouldn't expect you to know everything, but verbal warnings are (here) basically the equivalent of job coaching. Written warnings are the beginning (and sometimes the end) of discipline.

And again, I wasn't there, don't know how he approaches you, or how he approaches you vs other workers, but I can see myself telling workers 'I have spent years figuring out the best way to do this, please just try it the way I'm asking, it's the right way to do it.' (I've actually said similar to many new employees). I can see myself nitpicking at details also. If that small detail is SOP, it should be done that way. His mentioning it to you sounds like training/retraining, not hostility. I know for myself I wouldn't bother nitpicking at details or trying lots of retraining strategies with someone I thought couldn't do the job, once they've reached that point I usually just give up and let them have all the rope they want. If he still trying to work on getting you to be perfect at the job it could mean he does think you can do it, and is actually trying really hard to get you there.

I would ask your manager what the written verbal write ups mean, how it impacts future decisions (salary, hours, promotions whatever), what he hopes to accomplish by giving them to you. If there is not a place on your write up forms for it (and there should be!) ask what the next step is. In ours there is such a place, answers might be: employee was coached on proper work duty at time of warning, he understands the correct procedure is (example) and will follow it from now on, further instances may result in disciplinary measures; employee doesn't understand the correct procedure for work duty, employee will job shadow (supervisor) on Tuesday and Wednesday, report to office for addendum to verbal warning on Friday morning at 7am; employee understands the correct work procedure and knew minutes after incident that it was a mistake. Employee will take care in the future to check work more thoroughly and maintain focus during working hours. Employee understands that further incidents may result in disciplinary action.

I also always offer the employee a photocopy of any warning or discipline procedure. This is given after everything is written (although if follow up is required they can have a copy at the end of the discussion and again once the process is complete). If you are not being offered a copy of yours you need to ask, it is important for you to have proof of the discussions had as well. If they are adding remarks after you have signed it that should probably be addressed with HR person, your signature means you have read and understood the material, anything they are adding afterwards could be an attempt to 'prove' that you knew about something you didn't.

As far as help, I don't have much. It sounds like you are pushing negative thoughts/predictions of negative outcomes on yourself, which can absolutely make them happen. I have a slight (huge) problem with that myself, which either means I am good at recognizing it, or I am projecting. It sounds like you are capable of doing this job, but are just psyching yourself out. I would consider talking to a psychiatrist about anti anxiety meds and a therapist about changing your thought patterns if I was you, I think if you were less anxious about doing it right you would be able to do it better.

Sending positive thoughts your way and sincerely wishing you all the best.

[Moirae]

Thank you for telling me your thoughts.

You are right, I have a problem with anxiety. So much so that I'm on medication for it. It's a very long story but this has been one of the worst years of my life. I'm quite honestly not ready mentally to go back to work. But we have bills to pay.

I'm trying to find something else to do. Looking into something like an ebay store. Enough to help us pay our bills. I really feel that my career is basically over.

I do have to say though, I find it very unprofessional to bring up someones emotional reaction in a written warning or a disciplinary write up. It has nothing to do with the subject so long as the person does not insult anyone and does not insult the company when the only thing said was "that was a stupid mistake" and tearing up during the conversation.

[KuariKaydrith]

As a boss myself I can see why they would bring up someone's emotional reaction to any sort of warning or write up, but it is all in the way it is brought up. I use it as an opportunity for the employee to advise me if there is something else going on that may be affecting their job performance. It's very much how my last employer/boss found out that I deal with mental health issues - anxiety and bipolar II - and we worked through it to find alternatives as well as dealing with med changes or dosage increases. I know that some people just tear up/get emotional when being told they screwed up, but often there is an underlying reason for it. Have you had the opportunity to talk to anybody about it?

Not being mentally able to go back to work is a really tough situation to be in. Is there any way for you to get any sort of disability assistance? I know I had looked into going on disability at one point just so I would have some money coming in while I worked on getting my mental state stable enough to be able to function outside of the house...is that possible where you are, Moirae?

[Moirae]

I live in Louisiana. So no. Bobby Jindal has basically removed anything resembling what might help people unless you are extremely poor and my husband makes 36k a year (and has been looking for a new job himself because what he's doing he'd make twice that anywhere else) so its considered that he makes too much money.

[KuariKaydrith]

Well shit. That truly sucks! I'm so sorry that there isn't that option available to you

I deal with anxiety as well and I know how it can affect the ability to work, even medicated. If you want to fire me a message just to rant, unload, whatever, definitely feel free to do so. I don't know how much it will help, but I'm here for you.

[Moirae]

So today, I got my 90 day review. I'm seething. The ONE thing I'm good at is customer service. I've been doing it since I was 12 years old (I'm 40 in May). I'm very VERY good with customers. Today alone I was told by two people how wonderfully helpful and nice I am. But he gave me at best "meets expectations" like I'm in fucking junior high on it. Most of the 90 day review was "mostly meeting expectations". wtf?

Oh and get this... apparently I did the contract, the invoice, all emails and phone calls perfectly today and he said "Everything with the paperwork is fine. But for the name in the save file on the hard drive, you typed an "s" instead of a "z". Make sure you watch that" He couldn't just say "you did a good job" and leave it at that, instead he has to whine about a typo that impacted absolutely NOTHING, not the clients, and not him, and took less than two seconds to fix.

This 29 year old little twit who is in the first four months of his first manager job ever is talking to me, who has three years staff manager experience, and 13 years in the industry (to his 5) is talking to me like the biggest douche bag.

I was so angry when I left work, I was practically vibrating. I was so angry that I barely even cried after I left which is rare for me. This little shit is lucky that I didn't kick him in the crotch. The ONLY reason I didn't is that I have bills to pay, I need this job. Even my husband mentioned that this is different from my normal reaction to this kind of shit.

I have a stomach ache.

Oh and get this... he has the nerve to say "don't let this screw with your momentum going forward". And he gave me the writeup for the misposting last week too. In both "written verbal warnings" and this "writeup" he spent an awful lot of time talking about how he's the senior sales manager, and that all mistakes, no matter how small were impacting our money even if they didn't impact money at all. You know.. things like NOT UNDERLINING SOMETHING HE THOUGHT SHOULD BE UNDERLINED. ALL of these have been almost a full 8x11 page long and he kept repeating the same points over and over again in different ways. I finally got a copy of them. I may just share them on here.

[jedimaster91]

So today, I got my 90 day review. I'm seething. The ONE thing I'm good at is customer service. I've been doing it since I was 12 years old (I'm 40 in May). I'm very VERY good with customers. Today alone I was told by two people how wonderfully helpful and nice I am. But he gave me at best "meets expectations" like I'm in fucking junior high on it. Most of the 90 day review was "mostly meeting expectations". wtf?

Don't know if this is the case where you are, but where I work, those reviews are tied to pay raises. It doesn't matter how hard you work or how good you are, you'll always get "Meets Expectations" so they don't have to give you a raise (not necessarily you specifically, but in a general sense). For instance, I can count on one hand the number of times I've been late to work ever, and most of them are due to the stupid clock in system not working at that particular moment. I still got a "Meets Expectations" for being on time on my last review, even though I'm always early. Boss Lady even flat out told me she scored me in the middle on purpose because they "can't afford" pay raises. And considering up until recently they weren't even paying me the base pay for the organization, really pissed me off. I have 6 years experience in a very specialized field and until the last month or so, I wasn't even making entry level wages. But that's a whole 'nother rant.

[MoonCat]

This asshole is a micro-manager, and he's insecure to boot. That's why he's pushing all this shit so hard. He's trying to impress HIS boss. I'm sorry. I wish I could offer better advice, but the last person we had like this got her ass turfed after the union went to bat for us because she was making everybody crazy.

[snugglegirl05]

I am not sure if Louisiana has a department like this for people in your situation, but you may want to find out.

Where I live there is a Department of Assistive and Rehabilitative Services.

What this department offers is job assistance to people with disabilities as well as other services. You have to have a qualifying disability to get these services.

[TheSHAD0W]

Moirae, you should be aware that many managers will rate you in a military sense. You can be "adequate", or you can be "inadequate". It's not impossible to get a "superlative", but it will almost never happen even if you think you deserve it (and sometimes when you don't). Buck up, if they're nitpicking about a spelling error it means there's nothing worse for them to complain about.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

I'm convinced the only way to get the highest possible score on a performance review is to be fucking your boss, so try not to fixate too much on that. A budget for raises for all employees is given, and review scores are determined around that so everybody at least gets something, instead of one of two people blowing most of the budget and other employees wind up with no raise.