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Lobotomy Girl - Chapter III - The Drink Of Death
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Old 05-25-2007, 02:04 AM
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Default Lobotomy Girl - Chapter III - The Drink Of Death

MMMMmmm... Barnes & Noble. Yummy B&N café serving Starbucks coffee. Now Luna doesn't like coffee - but the fun summer drinks, frosties, and whatever fancy names for the non-coffee beverages were always fabulous.

Every time a new one rolled out, the café and anyone trained to cover it had a sampling and training session on how to make the drink.

At one such meeting, LG nearly tweaked out. By tweak out - I mean - pitching a fit that is so much rage, they can't even express it - so it's more twitching and sputtering and incoherent rambling than your normal fit.

Everyone got a sample cup of whatever the new iced drink was. Happy times. LG drinks hers down in a single gulp and then jumps off her chair grabbing her throat.

Of course, people are freaked. I thought she was choking. Then she started to rub her temples. Then she started to yell/moan, "AhhhhAHHHHH AHHHHH!"

Once we realized she wasn't choking and not having a seizure, we got her to tell us what the hell was wrong.

LG: They should have warnings on those drinks!!! *smacks empty cup down on counter*
Me:
LG: They're so cold they burn your throat and hurt your head!
I remember another employee laughing and telling LG not to down her ICED beverage like it was a shot glass.

Someone asked her if she's ever had an "ice-cream" headache. She replied we were pulling her leg, and we should stop making fun of her b/c it wasn't funny. And then the funniest part:
LG: I was a nurse! People could DIE drinking this!!! Your throat can close up on you! It's not funny! There should be warnings on the cup!

She was pissed.

OOOOkkkkkaaayyy..end of meeting. It was a fun way to start the day though. Every time you passed someone in the aisle - they'd grab their neck and gasp and then buckle over laughing.

Soon we opened and lots of people were packed into the café. I was paged over. Not for change. Not for a pickup. Because LG was slipping over to "warn" the customers about how cold the drink is and not to get it. She apparently made it her top secret mission to prevent any ice cream headache deaths on her watch.

I even had one customer take up her mission and demand to speak to the manager about it. Mostly because after LG "warned" the customer - the barista was pissed and told the customer, "That's b/c we make it with dry ice!" They apologized to me after, but I couldn't be mad at b/c I was too busy laughing and trying not to piss my pants. The customer believed it. And the customer told me we should "use ice that isn't so cold!"

I wish I could say I'm making this up. But then, I would have been robbed of an entertaining experience in my life that I would never have been able to share with all of you years later.

I had to then speak to LG about her mission. She deferred to my managerial status only stating she would stop - but it was against her will and better judgement that she was doing so. :Lol: As soon as I sent her out of the office, I laughed so hard that I cried. Lobotomy Girl...better judgement????
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Old 05-25-2007, 06:36 AM
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There are a few, very basic things that seem to be near-universally understood by the time a person reaches 16, let alone LG's age, and among them is the fact of Brain-Freeze.

If it were anyone else, I'd be going at their stupidity, but since it's her, I just have to go .
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Old 05-25-2007, 07:22 AM
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Teh st00pid! It BURNZES US!!!

*falls to floor gasping and clutching throat*
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Old 05-25-2007, 11:56 AM
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She's never had a brain-freeze before? Damn, poor girl must NEVER have eaten ice cream too fast when she was a kid then... I would pity her, but she's too stupid to notice anyway, so why bother

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Old 05-25-2007, 02:16 PM
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Quote:
Quoth Luna View Post
And the customer told me we should "use ice that isn't so cold!"
Okay, sir, we can use warm ice.
Enjoy your watery, warm beverage.
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Old 05-25-2007, 04:42 PM
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Quote:
G: I was a nurse! People could DIE drinking this!!! Your throat can close up on you! It's not funny! There should be warnings on the cup!
It's scary that someone that stupid is allowed out in public.
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Last edited by Severen13; 05-28-2007 at 04:33 AM.

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Old 05-25-2007, 05:58 PM
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wow that's a new level of stupidity..... and it's her "personal" mission to warn people about the drinks??? Did she not notice how NO ONE else had that particular reaction to the drink???

What a crazy person. It still makes me wonder - if Natural Selection is something humanity does, then how do people like this get by? And if it's "Survival of the Fittest"... how do these people survive for so long??

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Old 05-27-2007, 04:24 AM
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The mind boggles. How did she EVER manage to be allowed to leave the house unsupervised?
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Old 05-27-2007, 07:30 AM
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Also, how exactly does one acquire a "brain freeze" when the key first ingredient is missing?
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Old 05-27-2007, 06:42 PM
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Humans have found ways to thwart natural selection...that's why there are so many dumbasses running around...

I say we do away with all warning labels. And get rid of lawyers who defend idiots who want to sue when they do something stupid that causes them bodily harm (depsite the fact that they were warned).

That way, the idiots will finally spread themselves thinner...idiots like lobotomy girl..who I can't, for the life of me, figure out how she even remembers to breathe, let alone not get hit by a bus on her way to work each day.....
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