Gremlins, Home Depot and the return of the Parkade(tm)

Gravekeeper · #1 06-29-2007, 04:32 PM

Moo.

Versatility

SC: "Do you have Sarah's cell number? Is it xxx-xxxx?"
Me: "Yes, that's it."
SC: "Oh, its forwarded to you though."
Me: "If she's turned it off for the evening she may have forwarded it too us."
SC: "Oh….well then maybe you can…..you can……you can….."

Maybe I can what? Jog over to her house and bang on her door to see if she's still up? Steal her lawn ornaments? Burn your message into her front lawn with kerosene? Hold her dog hostage until she confirms your showing? Spit it out man! I am here to serve you! Anything within my power that I can accomplish for under $50 in materials at Home Depot while still avoiding a life sentence is available to you, the customer! I have the power to respond ( Inside joke...its part of my company's slogan ) and nothing short of a SWAT team will stop me from carrying out your requests. Instruct me, for I am versatile and wiley!

"Clearly"

SC: "My truck is stuck in the parkade! Can someone come get it out? I came back and it was locked."

For those of you following our continuing adventure, this is the same parkade from last week that has the time it closes "clearly" displayed on the sign out front. "Clearly" apparently has different meanings to different people. Or perhaps they're more like bacteria and the more you apply their bane, in this case "Reading Comprehension", the more resistant they become to it. Till you're left with some sort of super idiot for which society has yet to develop a cure.

Patience

Me: "Alright, I can take a message for her"
SC: "When will she call me back?"

I don't know….*tomorrow* maybe? Or do you really think the fact you want to see a house on Whoopdeefark Drive is critical information at 12am? Well, actually, I suppose if she lives in the same neighbourhood as Sarah I could make a small detour. Maybe spell out your message in her drive way using only duct tape, lawn gnomes and a soldering iron. But I warn you my Home Depot budget is running out. You may have to front me some funny money.

Possibilities

SC: "I'm in the airport and I need a hotel room."

Ah…."The Airport". Well, that narrows it down. Well, Carmen Santiago, would you like to give me a hint? Perhaps the first letter of the city? Or shall I just throw darts at a map of North America and hope for the best?

Mentor
( 3am...calling of course an inspector's office )

SC: "I was wondering if you could give me some advice?"
Me: "I'm the afterhours emergency, so I don't believe I can assist you unless its urgent?"
SC: "I just wanted to know if you have any advice on becoming an inspector. I want to be an inspector. Are you an inspector?"

….not last I checked. Wait, lemme look in my wallet…..hrm….debit card, mastercard, carecard….no, no I'm not seeing any sort of inspector badge or anything…damn. For a moment there I was getting all excited too. Curse you for getting my hopes up. I was beginning to have wild, vivid dreams of a life of adventure and….uh…inspecting…..things. Many things. Yes, I will inspect all of creation provided its within walking distance of a Skytrain station. Otherwise, not interested. Adventure's grand and all but I'll be damned if I'm taking the bus to find it.

Phenomenal Cosmic Power

Me: "Unfortunately I do not have any rooms available in that city. If you like you can call back in 15 min-"
SC: "I've already called back a couple of times!"
Me: "I'm sorry, but in that case its unlikely we will find any more vacancies there tonight."
SC: "I want a room! That's what your service is for, get me a room!"
Me: "Unfortunately I do not have any vacancies there."
SC: "I want to speak to a supervisor!"
Me: "Regarding?"
SC: "Getting me a room!! Do what your service is suppose too!"
Me: "I'm sorry but I cannot book you a room that does not exist."
SC: "Fine! You &@$@&! <click>"

Sadly there is no one in this or any of our offices that can physically alter reality to adhere to your fevered demands. If any of us had the ability to bend creation to our will, trust me, we would NOT be working in a call center. We would be ruling our own self contained tropical island nation and you would be feeding us grapes.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot
( This is a real estate office. )

SC: "Can you send a patrol car to circle my neighbourhood? I hear weird noises outside my house…."

Sure! Just let me get on the CB and radio out a patrol unit. Every real estate office has full authority over police dispatch after all. I'll get them down there asap to round up the raccoons, gremlins, feral children, wild dogs or whatever it is that's prowling outside your abode. Alternatively, you can save me, the police and your future therapist a lot of trouble if you just unlocked your door, stepped outside and embraced whatever fate awaits you.

?

SC: "I HAVE VERY BIG QUESTION~!"
Me: "..alright?"
SC: "MY $2 GOT STUCK IN THE MACHINE"

That's not a question, that’s proof that warning labels and health care are suppressing natural selection.

Blame
( We had a lottery deadline last night. Midnight to be exact. So people were calling in at the last minute in a rush to buy tickets. This woman called at 12:45am. 45 minutes *after* the deadline.... )

SC: "I tried to call earlier and I couldn't get through!"
Me: "Sorry about that, but everyone was calling at the last minute so we were quite busy there."

( Busy yes. Crushed? No. We had a lot of calls but no one waited on hold for more then 2 minutes max. Which is rather good considering the call volume vs 4 operators. )

SC: "Well can I get in for the early bird then?"
Me: "Unfortunately no, the deadline has already passed."
SC: "But I couldn't get through when I tried earlier!"
Me: "Yes, everyone was trying to call at the last minute. So we were rather busy."
SC: "I couldn't get through, so can I get the early bird now?"
Me: "No, I'm sorry, but the deadline has past."
SC: "Who's fault is that?!"

Oh oh, I know this one! Lets see….damn, its right on the tip of my tongue. What was it again? Hmmmmm….oh, wait, right! Yours.

Not Just a River in Egypt
( 3am... )

Me: "Good evening, thank you for calling <company>"
SC: "Is Danny there?"
Me: "Pardon?"
SC: "What was this?"
Me: "<company>."
SC: "What's that?"
Me: "….ok, who were you looking for again?"
SC: "What do you do there?"
Me: "…are you looking for someone specific or is this an emergency?"
SC: "@*&$@ you then! <click>"

Is it so difficult to just accept the fact you're wrong? You dialed the wrong number. You have committed an error. The fact that you have failed in what you attempted to accomplish does not automatically entitle you to interrogate the person at the number you mistakenly dialed. I am not here to satiate your curiosity. You're lucky I'm even here to speak to you and your kind to begin with.

...half way through the work week...

Raieth · #2 06-29-2007, 05:21 PM

Quote:

Possibilities

SC: "I'm in the airport and I need a hotel room."

Ah…."The Airport". Well, that narrows it down. Well, Carmen Santiago, would you like to give me a hint? Perhaps the first letter of the city? Or shall I just throw darts at a map of North America and hope for the best?

My reply would have gone something like this.

Ah, the airport? Well, there is an opening at the hotel. Just take the highway for a few exits till you see a sign. It's around there somewhere.

Sliceanddice · #3 06-29-2007, 09:35 PM

*claws her way up her desk after laughing so hard she fell out of her chair*
I feel sorry for sarah *goes back to laughing.*

Aressel · #4 06-29-2007, 10:48 PM

Quote:

Quoth Gravekeeper

Mentor
( 3am...calling of course an inspector's office )

SC: "I was wondering if you could give me some advice?"
Me: "I'm the afterhours emergency, so I don't believe I can assist you unless its urgent?"
SC: "I just wanted to know if you have any advice on becoming an inspector. I want to be an inspector. Are you an inspector?"

….not last I checked. Wait, lemme look in my wallet…..hrm….debit card, mastercard, carecard….no, no I'm not seeing any sort of inspector badge or anything…damn. For a moment there I was getting all excited too. Curse you for getting my hopes up. I was beginning to have wild, vivid dreams of a life of adventure and….uh…inspecting…..things. Many things. Yes, I will inspect all of creation provided its within walking distance of a Skytrain station. Otherwise, not interested. Adventure's grand and all but I'll be damned if I'm taking the bus to find it.

Sorry, but this just reminded me...

[Grandpa]Let's see...I'm an elk, a Mason, a communist. I'm the president of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance for some reason...ah, here it is. The Stonecutters. [/Grandpa]

Classic episode that.

Reyneth · #5 06-30-2007, 02:35 AM

Quote:

Quoth Gravekeeper

Not Just a River in Egypt
( 3am... )

Me: "Good evening, thank you for calling <company>"
SC: "Is Danny there?"
Me: "Pardon?"
SC: "What was this?"
Me: "<company>."
SC: "What's that?"
Me: "….ok, who were you looking for again?"
SC: "What do you do there?"
Me: "…are you looking for someone specific or is this an emergency?"
SC: "@*&$@ you then! <click>"

Methinks Danny gave your number to that person who was calling hoping for a hookup and got a unpleasant little rejection. Not only did Danny reject the late-night booty call, he did it in advance by not even allowing their call to get through!

Kara · #6 06-30-2007, 03:08 AM

Quote:

Quoth Gravekeeper

Moo.

Meow?

Quote:

Quoth Gravekeeper

Till you're left with some sort of super idiot for which society has yet to develop a cure.

Oh, there's a cure for it. Unfortunately, it's not legal. Except in self-defense, which I suppose defending mankind against such a beast would qualify.

Quote:

Quoth Gravekeeper

Patience

Me: "Alright, I can take a message for her"
SC: "When will she call me back?"

Ok, so let me get this straight. Instead of just setting up a voicemail system, this real estate company pays your company to answer their phone after hours to tell people to call back tomorrow? This has to be an American company, only we can devise such a brilliant way to spend company funds.

Quote:

Quoth Gravekeeper

SC: "I'm in the airport and I need a hotel room."

I'm in the call center talking to a moron.

Quote:

Quoth Gravekeeper

SC: "I just wanted to know if you have any advice on becoming an inspector. I want to be an inspector. Are you an inspector?"

Egad, I've been found out! Go go Gadget rocket skates! *escape*

Quote:

Quoth Gravekeeper

We would be ruling our own self contained tropical island nation and you would be feeding us grapes.

You're telling me if you could manipulate time and space that you wouldn't shift him up a hippo's butt?

Quote:

Quoth Gravekeeper

SC: "Can you send a patrol car to circle my neighbourhood? I hear weird noises outside my house…."

Sure, but I doubt they'll get there in time.

Quote:

Quoth Gravekeeper

SC: "I HAVE VERY BIG QUESTION~!"
Me: "..alright?"
SC: "MY $2 GOT STUCK IN THE MACHINE"

And I have a very big suspicion that this was one of my customers.

Sliceanddice · #7 06-30-2007, 03:12 AM

Kara, GK, has anyone ever told you you guys sound like siblings (not young siblings more like oh we are older now [so not using ages less i be lynched] no need to fight though we my laugh at each other) because you guys do want my moms siblings do.