I am a flaming homosexual, apparently. [Slightly lengthy.]

Ama no Kagaseo · #1 10-12-2007, 10:34 PM

So, I'm new to the boards, but I didn't bother heading out over to the newbie section, just because I wanted to share this story while it's fresh in my head. Just to give you a vague idea of who I am, I am a 18 year old male who works for Target doing various things. I have long hair, kind of on the husky side, and my straight.

And 100% comfortable with my sexuality, as you will see.

So, last night I was working late night in the jewelry station, bored out of my mind waiting for my chance to get out of there. Of course, I was still nice enough to greet our 'guests' as they walked in. After a few hours, I'm on auto-mode greeting whomever I lock eyes with. I had the fortunate experience of locking eyes with a guy in a group of males, had to be high school jocks or something like that.

M: "Hello, how are you doing tonight? Can I help you find anything?" (My usual opening line.)

Apparently, they took it as me helping them with the jewelry station, and most of them laughed and ignored me. The tallest one, on the other hand, steered away from the pack to give me a hard time. Thankfully my boredom went away for the full five seconds that they kept me entertained.

G: "Yesss, (An obviously fake lisp.) I'd like to see your lovely plastics you have on display here. (Addressing the cheapo rings that aren't even in the case.)

M: "Why, certainly. (I already have feminine mannerisms to begin with, proclaims my wife, so I can play the gay role quite well.) Lesse, let's try on this big piece of bling we have here."

G: "That's not bling honey, that's PLASTIC."

A few seconds later, and after a few good laughs from myself, as the guy is obviously getting flustered.. He brings up that his birth stone is the.. purple one. [Amethyst, I correct him.]

M: "Well, we have this gorgeous amethyst and gold piece here.."

G: "Don't you think it looks a little dirty?"

M: "Well, if you ask me, it matches your personality."

Guys Friend: (Leaning over so he can whisper, mind you.) "Things are getting raunchy in the jewelry box!"

It was after this they slammed down the ring and the guy walked away, red in the face, muttering about not being gay. I laughed, and the girl working in the register across from me leaned over and asked what I did. I was too amused to talk.

Alas, I won, and I didn't feel like playing anymore. Sadly they returned later that evening with the soul purpose of pestering me. I sent them packing once more. I'm assuming the guy was trying to turn me on.. Or something, by constantly poking his finger into one of the ring holes on the display.

I arched my brow, and asked if he had a passion for inanimate objects, and that if so there was a Lover's Package just down the street.

Again, they retreated.. red in the face once more.

Andara Bledin · #2 10-13-2007, 01:50 AM

Some people just don't know when they're outclassed until you prove it to them.

^-.-^

unholypet · #3 10-13-2007, 02:22 AM

/highfive! Awesome job.

aurelemsrealm · #4 10-13-2007, 02:29 AM

I have several gay friends, and there's one in particular I can picture carrying on like that. WAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! The best part is that he can turn the flame on and off to suit his whims, but it's hilarious when he gets going.

Amethyst Hunter · #5 10-13-2007, 03:40 AM

You are made of Win.

Edit:

This is my 200th post. Go me. ^_^

lordlundar · #6 10-13-2007, 04:10 AM

to

and kudos to you! that rocked.

AnqeiicDemise · #7 10-13-2007, 04:00 PM

Quote:

Quoth Amethyst Hunter

You are made of Win.

NO! NO!!!

I just got him to stop yelling "PLUS 9000!" at the supermarket everytime he saw something interesting!

Becks · #8 10-13-2007, 04:13 PM

Great story!!!

HS-aged males are some of the easiest to mess with.

Record Store Tough Guy · #9 10-14-2007, 02:41 AM

Very similar thing happened to me at the record store. We sold "adult" DVDs, mostly Playboy, all softcore (except the hentai-- that's pretty graphic), like you'd see on Skinemax, and a group of 18-20 frat boy/jock types came in. They see these DVDs, express the typical 18 YO male reaction, and as the group (about 3 or 4) is making it's way back to the front of the store, one comes over to me and says, "Hey, my buddy over there," pointing to another in the group, "is wondering if you have any guy on guy porn."

I'm assuming he's attempting to embarrass either me, or the friend. Either way, he was being, in technical terms, a dick.

"Gay porn?" I reply, perhaps a bit too loudly, as several people in the store turn to look. Frat boy immediately realizes what he has just gotten himself into. His eyes widen, and he suddenly turns two shades of red. "No, we don't have any gay porn but if you're into gay porn then check out [local adult video store]. They have a large selection of GAY PORN."

His friends are, at this point, laughing so hard they can barely stand. Frat boy slinks off, and one of his buddies comes up to me and asks me what he said to me. I tell him and he says "You know he was just messing with you, right?"

"Oh, no, dude, I think it's great that he's secure enough in his gayness that he can ask another guy for gay porn and not even worry about it."

I love it when the jerk has his "joke" blow up in his face so badly.

Kogarashi · #10 10-14-2007, 04:38 AM

Quote:

Quoth AnqeiicDemise

NO! NO!!!

I just got him to stop yelling "PLUS 9000!" at the supermarket everytime he saw something interesting!

Isn't the correct quote, "It's over 9000!"?