IS THIS THE MEAT?!

Gravekeeper · #1 11-10-2007, 02:35 PM

Dear God, this is just from tonight. I'm not even off work yet. Consider this a desperate plea for help from my office.

867

SC: "I'd like to order one of your purses."

Purses? We sell purses? What? When? ……well I'll be damned we do sell a purse. Just one. An ugly, ugly purse. Lord, it looks like someone killed and pelted a rhinestone yeti. Its not even in the catalogue its only on the website. As if we're ashamed to admit we have it. You're welcome too it. We probably only have one of them too. Someone must have forgotten it at the office so they listed it for sale as a joke after it sat in the Lost & Found for a year. So by all means, please, take the gypsy sasquatch purse with its "faux crystals" and giant bling bling latch.

867

Me: "and what would you like to order?"
SC: "Uh….um……"
Me: "….."
SC: "….."

…that was the entire point of your call was it not? To request one of our many shiny items for you to wear on either your head or your arse? Or was it something else you desired? Perhaps a $400 pair of MP3 Sunglasses that you have no idea how to operate and do not have the equipment to make use of? Or is it perhaps a purse you seek? Because we just sold the only one we had….but tell you what, I'm a nice guy so I'll give you the address of the person who just purchased the sasquatch fanny pack or whatever it was. You have roughly 10 business days to hike/drive/dog sled across the arctic tundra that separates you before it arrives. At which time you may quickly sneak into her trailer using the spare key hidden under the Nascar mat and bludgeon her unconsciousness with a Canadian Tire beer cooler before you make off into the frigid night with your prize.

867

SC: "Ok, for my FIRST product order-"

Wait, are you going to do a magic trick? Oh licorice goody snaps! Maybe you can make my faith in humanity reappear.

( Yes he referred to his next choice as "For my SECOND product order-" too. )

867

Me: "Ok, that comes to xxx and should take about 2 weeks to arrive."
SC: "Great, thank you."
( Sweet! Manners! )
Me: "You're welcome."
SC: "I'll call back later."
( ...er.... )
Me: "ok?"

..why? You know you can order everything you want in one go. You don't have to space it out to avoid hurting my feelings. Or were you worried I'd grow bitter and lonely in your absence? Rest assured your company has the complete opposite affect on me. So the sooner you get off the line the better. If you could promise me you'll never call again that would just cement my glee.

That was...odd...

I don't know if any of you have ever talked to an old east Indian man about savings bonds while the theme from Three's Company plays in the background before but it is a somewhat surreal experience. It kind of sounds like one of those things that would probably be better on pot.

!?!?!

Me: "Good morning, <company name>"
SC: "IS THIS THE PLACE MEAT?!?!?"
Me: "!?…I'm sorry?!"
SC: "MEAT!&$"
Me: "…excuse me?"
SC: "IS THIS THE MEAT?!! COW?!!"
Me: "..um…no…"

Jesus Christ, don't hurt me! Sweet Sunbathing Ghandi on the Rhine that was the most terrifying call I've had in a while. Meat? What? Cow? Beef? I've grasped the basic idea of what it is you want from me but not why you're asking. So instead I'm just going to cower over here in the corner and sob quietly until you stop yelling at me about your "meat place".

No, no you don't.

Me: "Alright, what's your postal code?"
SC: "I don't know my postal code."
Me: "..ok."
SC: "I know my address?"
Me: "…."
SC: "Should I call back when I know my postal code?"
Me: "Yes, please."
SC: "Ok."

Seeing as the definition of "address" includes a postal code I would submit that you do not, in fact, know your address. Also, you're a twit. Please endeavor to change this before you call back.

867

SC: "I wanted to see if my order has shipped?"
Me:"Alright, when did you place it?"
SC: "I don't know."
Me: "….."
SC: "….."
SC: "Some time in October I think?"

So we narrowed down to a 30 day window….maybe. So we better include September and November as well. Hrm….I guess this is a job for….ah ha! TV Guide. Can you remember what the last episode of Danger Bay was about before you slipped into a beer and paint fume induced coma? That'll help me narrow it down.

God help me, there's still an hour left in my shift. I've had to add 2 more entries while I was posting. ><

Kara · #2 11-10-2007, 03:43 PM

Quote:

Quoth Gravekeeper

Maybe you can make my faith in humanity reappear.

I don't think the combined powers of Gandalf, Dumbledore, David Copperfield, Criss Angel, Lucky the Leprechaun, and Orko would be enough for that.

Quote:

Quoth Gravekeeper

SC: "IS THIS THE MEAT?!! COW?!!"
Me: "..um…no…"

You should have just told him you're a vegetarian.

Becks · #3 11-10-2007, 04:15 PM

Quote:

Quoth Gravekeeper

Dear God, this is just from tonight. I'm not even off work yet. Consider this a desperate plea for help from my office.

Fangirls and fanguys, we have a special mission to save GK!!

Let me get my trusty mode of transportation.

Quote:

Quoth Gravekeeper

Purses? We sell purses? What? When? ……well I'll be damned we do sell a purse. Just one. An ugly, ugly purse. Lord, it looks like someone killed and pelted a rhinestone yeti. Its not even in the catalogue its only on the website. As if we're ashamed to admit we have it. You're welcome too it. We probably only have one of them too. Someone must have forgotten it at the office so they listed it for sale as a joke after it sat in the Lost & Found for a year. So by all means, please, take the gypsy sasquatch purse with its "faux crystals" and giant bling bling latch.

Well, now, I must say I'm curious as to what it looks like.

Quote:

Quoth Gravekeeper

Jesus Christ, don't hurt me! Sweet Sunbathing Ghandi on the Rhine that was the most terrifying call I've had in a while. Meat? What? Cow? Beef? I've grasped the basic idea of what it is you want from me but not why you're asking. So instead I'm just going to cower over here in the corner and sob quietly until you stop yelling at me about your "meat place".

Why can't ask for something simple involving goats and roofs?

Gravekeeper · #4 11-10-2007, 04:34 PM

Quote:

Quoth BeckySunshine

Well, now, I must say I'm curious as to what it looks like.

Note rhinestone yeti pattern ( Yes that pattern is actually studs. "Faux crystal" studs. ) and giant chrome bling bling clasp that's adorned with two circles worth of fake plastic crystals.

It looks like something a preteen girl would make with a "Designer" craft kit from Walmart that's normally used to make rhinestone butterflies on the ass of your jeans. >.>

Becks · #5 11-10-2007, 04:42 PM

GK, thank you for the timely pictoral answer to my sick curiousity as to the looks of the purse.

I haven't seen anything that tacky in some time.

MystyGlyttyr · #6 11-10-2007, 05:59 PM

I bet my sister would carry that purse. But then, she sort of has a gimmick where she likes to wear/carry things that even she calls "ugly". ...I don't get it, either.

Otherwise...you know, I'm the biggest carnivore I know. I've eaten bugs for the hell of it. I've tried ostrich jerky (good!). I've eaten something that I'm pretty sure started it's existance as roadkill. Hell, I'll eat dog so long as I don't know it personally. But even I would never get that excited about cow meat. A nice moist turkey or ham, maybe, but not anything off a cow.

reformedwaitress · #7 11-10-2007, 06:04 PM

Quote:

Quoth BeckySunshine

Fangirls and fanguys, we have a special mission to save GK!!

Yes, but he conveniently keeps forgetting to leave the address so we can actually organize such rescue missions.

Bagga · #8 11-10-2007, 06:29 PM

And you know what makes the order for that purse even more alarming? The fact that perhaps the only reason for purchasing such an atrocity is because it goes well with something you already own...

~~Rahmota~~ · #9 11-11-2007, 12:37 AM

Well the other reason to order it might to have it as an emergency landing device to guide airplanes in. Or to signal rescuerers if they get lost in the wilderness on the way to the mall.

You know sometimes I'm able to come up with a what if scenario to play devil's advocate for some of GK's callers. This time even I'm going wow that some strange people.

Irving Patrick Freleigh · #10 11-11-2007, 12:40 AM

"IS THIS THE MEAT?!! COW?!!!" sounds like something out of a fast food commercial.

Now all we need is some tiny, grizzled old lady to say those immortal words and the money will roll right in.