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Express Lane Moron
  #1  
Old 08-17-2006, 02:40 PM
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Default Express Lane Moron

So my gf and I went to the grocery store to pick up some stuff for dinner. As we only had about 7 or 8 items, we figured the express lane was the way to go. There was one elderly couple being rung up, followed by a woman in her mid-30's, with her mother and 3 kids in tow.

The elderly couple had less than 12 items, so they had every right to be in the express lane. It took them a few minutes to unload their cart, as they were buying a gallon of milk, and some large bottles of detergent. No big deal. It then took them another few minutes to put everything back in their cart and to pay. No big deal. It wasn't too long to wait.

Apparantly the woman who dragged her whole family to the grocery store took exception to this. She started rolling her eyes, huffing and puffing, and complaining that this was an express line, and that she didn't have time to wait.

Her oh-so-important purchase? A box of garbage bags. Yup. She's bitching over having to wait for garbage bags. And she's doing it loud enough for the couple to hear, and I can see it's bothering them a bit. I mean, clearly it wasn't east for them to lift everything they had purchased, and the husband was walkin around on a crutch, so how fast could they really be expected to move?

She's the kind of person that doesn't quite get the express concept. The lane is express because it's for people buying a few items, not because people sprint through the fucking lane! She's the same kind of person who will pull up to a pharmacy drive thru window, drop off a prescription, and expect it to be filled that second. It doesn't quite work like that.

Well, I couldn't let this go unpunished, so I had to chime in a little. I started huffing and puffing myself, being overy dramatic about the whole thing. I started rolling my eyes, and saying quite loudly "Oh my gawd, this is supposed to be an express lane! I can't be made to wait around like this! Don't you people know how important I am?"

Naturally, I got the look of death from this woman's mother, but it didn't seem like she heard me. So I had to press on, of course. I started copying her stance, her mannerisms, and even her accent. I even banged my hand on the belt and said "What's the point of having express if it's gonna go this slow? I NEED my trash bags!"

This brought the look of death from the woman as well. The poor cashier was trying so hard not to laugh that he had tears in his eyes, as did the people behind us on line.

The asshat paid for her stuff and left. I kept carrying on with the cashier while he was ringing, and the poor kid couldn't stop laughing. I figured he needed it after dealing with her.

When we got into the parking lot, we passed the old couple, who had just finished loading their groceries into their car. The woman was ranting in Italian. Growing up in my family, I learned a few words here and there. The only word I recognized that she spit out was putana. I started laughing when I heard that, and she looked up, recognized me, and smiled. At least it ended well.

  #2  
Old 08-17-2006, 04:51 PM
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Maybe the dumb bitch could have HELPED the older couple in order to move them along? But then, she would have had to have been a nice person to think of it, so what do I know?

Toad.

My dad did something pretty cool to a jerk in the express lane once. It was a cash only lane, too.Guy in front of him had brought a ton of stuff, waaay over the limit, to the cashier. She rung him up anyway, but it was taking a while...she didn't have a bagger...and of course, he was paying with a check. (of course, right?)

Jerk (to Dad): Can you BELIEVE how slow she is? This is taking forever! You just can't get good service anymore! It drives me nuts!
Dad (in a sympathetic tone): I know what you mean, pal. Look at me. Here I am stuck behind an asshole with a full cart and a checkbook in a cash only express lane.

Guy harrumphed and turned back around, away from Dad. I guess he didnt' want to commisserate quite THAT much.

  #3  
Old 08-17-2006, 05:28 PM
ditchdj ditchdj is offline
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"Putana".

Well, being that I'm a Spanish teacher, and Spanish is closely related to Italian in being a Latin language, I'm betting it means the same thing as "puta" in Spanish.

  #4  
Old 08-17-2006, 11:09 PM
BunnyJas BunnyJas is offline
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Quote:
Quoth RecoveringKinkoid View Post
Dad (in a sympathetic tone): I know what you mean, pal. Look at me. Here I am stuck behind an asshole with a full cart and a checkbook in a cash only express lane.
Your dad rocks! I wish I had the nerve to say that to some of the express morons that get in front of me!

  #5  
Old 08-18-2006, 04:34 AM
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Quote:
Quoth RecoveringKinkoid View Post
My dad did something pretty cool to a jerk in the express lane once. It was a cash only lane, too.Guy in front of him had brought a ton of stuff, waaay over the limit, to the cashier. She rung him up anyway, but it was taking a while...she didn't have a bagger...and of course, he was paying with a check. (of course, right?)

Jerk (to Dad): Can you BELIEVE how slow she is? This is taking forever! You just can't get good service anymore! It drives me nuts!
Dad (in a sympathetic tone): I know what you mean, pal. Look at me. Here I am stuck behind an asshole with a full cart and a checkbook in a cash only express lane.

Guy harrumphed and turned back around, away from Dad. I guess he didnt' want to commisserate quite THAT much.
I love your Dad. Is he looking for more kids?
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  #6  
Old 08-18-2006, 01:25 PM
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I realize that this sighting story is about a rotten, selfish, self important bitch, but what I can't understand is WHY do entire families go to the grocery store just to get ONE item? I can understand if it's one adult and all the kids............but when the ENTIRE extended family has to come to get a gallon of milk or trash bags? Puhlease.
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Last edited by blas; 08-18-2006 at 01:27 PM.

  #7  
Old 08-18-2006, 09:24 PM
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Quote:
Quoth RecoveringKinkoid View Post
My dad did something pretty cool to a jerk in the express lane once. It was a cash only lane, too.Guy in front of him had brought a ton of stuff, waaay over the limit, to the cashier. She rung him up anyway, but it was taking a while...she didn't have a bagger...and of course, he was paying with a check. (of course, right?)

Jerk (to Dad): Can you BELIEVE how slow she is? This is taking forever! You just can't get good service anymore! It drives me nuts!
Dad (in a sympathetic tone): I know what you mean, pal. Look at me. Here I am stuck behind an asshole with a full cart and a checkbook in a cash only express lane.

Guy harrumphed and turned back around, away from Dad. I guess he didnt' want to commisserate quite THAT much.

Will your dad adopt me, too?

I'll have to do that myself, sometime, at our own cash only express lane.
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  #8  
Old 08-18-2006, 11:08 PM
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I agree with Blas. There's two adults there.

Came from home? Ma can stay and watch the kids.

Stopped off on the way home from a family outing? Ma can stay in the car and watch the kids.

Just got off the bus on your way home from a family outing? Ma can wait outside with the kids.

Nup, no excuses, unless Ma is feeble and unable to watch the kids.

  #9  
Old 08-19-2006, 02:04 AM
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Quote:
Quoth blas87 View Post
I realize that this sighting story is about a rotten, selfish, self important bitch, but what I can't understand is WHY do entire families go to the grocery store just to get ONE item? I can understand if it's one adult and all the kids............but when the ENTIRE extended family has to come to get a gallon of milk or trash bags? Puhlease.
I've never been able to figure out that logic that makes four people come thru the Express at night for a 6-pack of beer either.
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  #10  
Old 08-19-2006, 02:44 AM
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Quote:
Quoth blas87 View Post
I realize that this sighting story is about a rotten, selfish, self important bitch, but what I can't understand is WHY do entire families go to the grocery store just to get ONE item? I can understand if it's one adult and all the kids............but when the ENTIRE extended family has to come to get a gallon of milk or trash bags? Puhlease.
Quote:
Quoth DGoddess View Post
I've never been able to figure out that logic that makes four people come thru the Express at night for a 6-pack of beer either.
Safety in numbers?
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RIP, mo bhrionglóid
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