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Human Pinata, or How to Be a "Man."
  #1  
Old 12-09-2007, 04:49 PM
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Default Human Pinata, or How to Be a "Man."

I have a good friend that I have known for years down here. For this story I'll call her Tiny Dancer. (Thank you, Elton John.) She is a sweetheart. She is also about 5'6" and about 110 lbs. soaking wet. A stiff breeze could probably blow her away. Her fiancee is about 6'2" and 240 lbs. Easily twice her size, almost twice MY size. The kind of guy you refer to as a Big Boy.

The other day, Big Boy and Tiny Dancer were out and about. Tiny Dancer wanted to go home. Big Boy did not. He emphasized his point of view by beating the living shit out of Tiny Dancer, a girl who is, as I said, about half his size. He claimed the next morning that all her bruises and whatnot were from her falling out of the truck.

Um, no. For several reasons, the obvious one being the fact that she knows she didn't fall out of the truck. Two, the nasty mark under her eye could only be caused by two things. Someone's fist, or a baseball you were leaning into too much. Tiny Dancer has not been out on the diamond playing ball lately. Three, as a cyclist I am intimately familiar with "road burn," that horrible rash of torn up skin you get when your body skids along the road. The bruises she had were just that...bruises. They were NOT in any way road burn. Not the ones on her arms, not the ones on her face, and certainly not the ones on her throat.

Big Boy told Tiny Dancer that he would kill her or have his friends from up north kill her if she went to the cops. Unlike a lot of people in this situation, Tiny Dancer did exactly what we would want her to do....she went to the cops.

The cops have contacted Tiny Dancer and told her that Big Boy has been arrested. (I am not certain of this, as his mugshot is still not posted on the local sheriff's office website, as all arrests are.) As he has a rap sheet taller than him, most of it for violent acts, and because Tiny Dancer is pressing charges, we are all very hopefull that Big Boy is going away for a long time. With the right judge, he will. It is not uncommon for certain criminals, once they have finished their jail sentenced, to be told they are not allowed in this county for X years afterwards, under penalty of further arrest. I kind of like that part of it myself, and we are hopeful that that happens as well. Actually, I personally am rooting for a violent prison shower gang rape of Big Boy, but I am evil like that.

Tomorrow I am taking Tiny Dancer to see my doctor, to (A) make sure there is no permanent damage/broken bones/etc., and (B) to get medical documentation of her injuries for when she files for a restraining order, something else she is doing tomorrow. Needless to say, he is no longer her fiancee. Also, all her friends are rallying around her and offering her just about anything she needs, from vehicles to help her get her stuff from her shared residence with Big Boy, to new places to live, to just companionship, etc. She is obviously very emotional about this whole thing, and somewhat embarrassed, but at least she is doing the right thing and not letting this shitstain get away with this nonsense, as all too many women do.

Several of her more evil friends (who I may or may not be one of) have voiced suggestions of dealing with Big Boy in other ways, if the criminal justice system comes out on the side of this criminal instead of on the side of justice.

So obviously I was in a state last night, as were many people, until we got the word that the local constabulary had found and arrested Big Boy. (Though again, I will not be happy till I see his mugshot posted and KNOW they did their job and didn't just give him a "talking to.")

The good news is that Tiny Dancer is doing better today psychologically, but is obviously sore physically. While my doctor's office is not open today, I have a friend who is a doctor, though not practicing, who agreed to take a look at her today, just for Tiny Dancer's peace of mind.

So, how was everyone else's weekend?
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Old 12-09-2007, 04:58 PM
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Saydrah Saydrah is offline
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Wow. Damn. Give her a hug from me if she's not too tender to tough.

Also, there's this stuff called Burt's Bees Res-Q Remedy that will cut the bruises' healing time in half if it works on her anything like it works on me and my whole group of family and friends who I've gotten to carry the stuff everywhere. I've never been beaten up by a human that bad, but I've had a few truly epic falls off horses, and it sucks to walk around with everyone telling you, "Leave the jerk, honey!" including strangers for weeks- must suck even worse when it WAS a jerk and you DID leave him and have him arrested.

Only real thing I can add- other than that, *pat on back* Good friend *pat on back for Tiny Dancer* GOOD GIRL getting the boy arrested....

.....And if he gets released and you can lure him to New York somehow, lemme know.
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Old 12-09-2007, 05:01 PM
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Why New York? Aren't you in Colorado?

And darlin', nothing personal....but there are plenty of evil bastards down here, we have lots of friends with boats, and an entire ocean to work with.
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  #4  
Old 12-09-2007, 05:04 PM
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I've never been to New York, but I'M not particularly harmful, at least not to someone his size- not me you need.

Just sayin', if all those people and their boats fall through, I know a guy who knows a guy.
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Old 12-09-2007, 05:20 PM
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I have an ax, a large lake, a friend with a boat, and no known motive . . . Lure him to Topeka.

  #6  
Old 12-09-2007, 05:25 PM
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Wouldn't sending him to Kansas be punishment enough?



(ducks and runs out of the room.....)
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  #7  
Old 12-09-2007, 05:26 PM
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Anything but that! Or make him drive a van through Nebraska!
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Old 12-09-2007, 05:26 PM
AsatruThorsman AsatruThorsman is offline
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Big Boy obviously doesn't have a Big Brain to match. Well done to you and Tiny Dancer. Nail the bastard!

  #9  
Old 12-09-2007, 05:32 PM
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Very current update: due to bureaucratic idiocy, Big Boy, while he was located and even cuffed last night, was not, in fact, arrested. The officer who told Tiny Dancer this (I just got off the phone with her), told her that they ARE going to go before a judge tomorrow and seek a warrant for Big Boy's arrest, and if they get it (likely), they will serve it immediately and haul his ass in.

Stay tuned.
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  #10  
Old 12-09-2007, 05:44 PM
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Let me know as breaking news develops.

Hopefully news of Big Boy making a break for it at breakneck speed when the cops break down his door, then taking a break from running to catch his breath, upon which an officer of the law overtakes him and breaks wind in his face, causing BB to apply the brakes and turn himself in, at which point several policepersons leap on him and break most of his bones.
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