Tweet
And that question is:
"Are there any wedding groups staying on that weekend?"
My husband and I had, in almost all respects, one of the nicest weekend getaways ever. We got to go to the beach, visit Newport, RI, ate some fabulous food and even got to go visit the Fairy Gordmother and the Gordfather,* whom we haven't seen in years.
But wedding guests, while harmless in singles or couples, are an absolute horror when found in flocks. It's like they read a handbook on how to be rude, entitled, loud and monopolizing.
So here it is:
*Note: The Fairy Gordmother is a dear friend of mine. She is my children's godmother and my daughter once asked her, "Are you my fairy godmother?" Since she and her husband own a gaming/comic/anime/fantasy store, I felt "Fairy Gordmother" was a fitting nickname for her and there's no reason not to call her husband "The Gordfather." Yes, I told them about this site and about the real Gord, to whom they can definitely relate. Hopefully, they check it out.
"Are there any wedding groups staying on that weekend?"
My husband and I had, in almost all respects, one of the nicest weekend getaways ever. We got to go to the beach, visit Newport, RI, ate some fabulous food and even got to go visit the Fairy Gordmother and the Gordfather,* whom we haven't seen in years.
But wedding guests, while harmless in singles or couples, are an absolute horror when found in flocks. It's like they read a handbook on how to be rude, entitled, loud and monopolizing.
So here it is:
The Handbook of Sucky Wedding Etiquette in Hotels
Chapter 1: Feel Free to Be Rude
There's nothing wrong with leaving scraps of food and spent cigarette butts on the rail of another guest's balcony. After all you're there to celebrate love. There's just no time for common courtesy.
Chapter 2: Yes, You ARE Entitled
A need to dry damp beach towels far outweighs the need for the flowers in the windowboxes not to be crushed.
And theres nothing wrong with storing your six picnic coolers on the common deck so all your friends and relatives can help themselves to beer without waking you up. Let them wake up all the other guests with rooms facing the deck instead.
Chapter 3: Share the Love and the Noise
It's much better to have a party in the hallway outside of another guest's room so you don't wake up your own spouse. After all, a wedding is a celebration worth sharing. The whole world must able to rejoice with you.
Even better, if you find that the hallways too cramped, just camp on the deck all night to catch up with your college friends you haven't seen in two whole months. Be sure to whoop and holler at top volume periodically. Other guests won't want to miss one precious moment of your happiness by falling asleep.
Chapter 4: The Entire Inn Exist for YOU, Monopolize Everything
The other guests, with whom you have been loudly sharing your joy all morning, noon, night and morning again, must not try to share anything else with you like the common areas of the inn.
The woman trying to read her newspaper on the deck is interfering with YOUR enjoyment and you must give her funny looks and glares when she wishes you good morning and tells you she is saving the other chair at her table for her husband. After all, that horrible intrusive bitch just made you walk 5 extra feet to get a chair from an empty table.
It is also very important that no other guests dare try to use the pool; be sure to abandon your screaming children and six of their cousins there to ensure that the pool is unusable by anyone else.
It is also imperative that no non-wedding guests try to sit on their own balconies to enjoy the ocean view while YOU are trying to to have a family reunion on the deck. Be sure to look at them like they are the intruders. It's not as if they paid any money to stay in the inn and enjoy the view.
Chapter 1: Feel Free to Be Rude
There's nothing wrong with leaving scraps of food and spent cigarette butts on the rail of another guest's balcony. After all you're there to celebrate love. There's just no time for common courtesy.
Chapter 2: Yes, You ARE Entitled
A need to dry damp beach towels far outweighs the need for the flowers in the windowboxes not to be crushed.
And theres nothing wrong with storing your six picnic coolers on the common deck so all your friends and relatives can help themselves to beer without waking you up. Let them wake up all the other guests with rooms facing the deck instead.
Chapter 3: Share the Love and the Noise
It's much better to have a party in the hallway outside of another guest's room so you don't wake up your own spouse. After all, a wedding is a celebration worth sharing. The whole world must able to rejoice with you.
Even better, if you find that the hallways too cramped, just camp on the deck all night to catch up with your college friends you haven't seen in two whole months. Be sure to whoop and holler at top volume periodically. Other guests won't want to miss one precious moment of your happiness by falling asleep.
Chapter 4: The Entire Inn Exist for YOU, Monopolize Everything
The other guests, with whom you have been loudly sharing your joy all morning, noon, night and morning again, must not try to share anything else with you like the common areas of the inn.
The woman trying to read her newspaper on the deck is interfering with YOUR enjoyment and you must give her funny looks and glares when she wishes you good morning and tells you she is saving the other chair at her table for her husband. After all, that horrible intrusive bitch just made you walk 5 extra feet to get a chair from an empty table.
It is also very important that no other guests dare try to use the pool; be sure to abandon your screaming children and six of their cousins there to ensure that the pool is unusable by anyone else.
It is also imperative that no non-wedding guests try to sit on their own balconies to enjoy the ocean view while YOU are trying to to have a family reunion on the deck. Be sure to look at them like they are the intruders. It's not as if they paid any money to stay in the inn and enjoy the view.
*Note: The Fairy Gordmother is a dear friend of mine. She is my children's godmother and my daughter once asked her, "Are you my fairy godmother?" Since she and her husband own a gaming/comic/anime/fantasy store, I felt "Fairy Gordmother" was a fitting nickname for her and there's no reason not to call her husband "The Gordfather." Yes, I told them about this site and about the real Gord, to whom they can definitely relate. Hopefully, they check it out.
Did you get bonus points for starting a holy war?
I AM the evil bastard!
Was Heather Alexander her ownself there, or was it just the con-goers?
Comment