Common Brain Burps

[SG15Z]

So after nearly 4 years in grocery I've noticed quite few common moments where the customer is not all there. Many of these I'm sure have been mentioned to death. Feel free to add since I can't really think of most of them right now.

1) Do You Work Here?
Probably the most common and most strange. It seems that the uniform, name badge, and the fact you are doing something normally only employees would do aren't enough clues. Often the best answer to this is "No I just like the way this looks on me" (Note: You will not be asked this if you where a uniform for a completely different company and didn't change before shopping, but it will be assumed that you do)

2) Are you closed?
A) Hmm...Lights off, doors are locked, employees are heading to their cars...no no we were just joking. We pretend to be closed all the time!
b) Lights are on, at least one register light is on, employees don't looked ticked that you walked in, the sign saying the hours say they should be. Um Yes yes we are. Bye!

3) Excuse me? Where can I find <product>?
Looks behind him and points. It was right in front of them the whole time...

4) Where is (bread/milk/or other obvious product)?
Uh maybe you could try the Bakery/Dairy/or whatever obvious location it may be.

5) I thought that was on sale for 3/$11 with loyalty card?
You haven't given me you're loyalty card yet...

6) I thought that was 4/$10!
It says $2.50 ma'am/sir. That is 4/$10.

That's al I can think of right now. Feel free to add more!

[KabeRinnaul]

7) Making four failed attempts at giving your own phone number as an alternate lookup for the discount card.

8) My register light is on. The ones on either side of me are off. The only other cashier is five lanes down. I'm standing there staring at them, waiting for them to approach. They take a tentative step forward, and get this confused expression. They step back and look at the light. Then at me. Then at the (dark) lights on the two neighboring registers. Then at me again, then look around for other people. Finally they step up again. "Are... are you open?"

[SweetMimura]

9) Customer enters fitting room with items of clothing, smiles nervously at me and asks "can I try this on?"

No. No, you can't.

[draftermatt]

7) Making four failed attempts at giving your own phone number as an alternate lookup for the discount card.

Ok this one I can explain.

I don't know if you can change your phone number that the store has, but at Safeway we have never bothered to get a card because my MIL has one. Problem is it's her phone number from 3 numbers ago.

So sometimes it takes me a minute to remember it.

[sunnyswipe]

"good morning welcome to ..........., my names stephen, can i take your home phone number please?"

"1234567"

".....and the area code please?"

"post code? ts1 4ep"

"no, no...the area code for your phone number?"

"house number 3"

"no....no....the AREA CODE FOR YOUR PHONE NUMBER......like '0191'....?"

"0191.....?"

"what?"

"what?

[KabeRinnaul]

Ok this one I can explain.

I don't know if you can change your phone number that the store has, but at Safeway we have never bothered to get a card because my MIL has one. Problem is it's her phone number from 3 numbers ago.

So sometimes it takes me a minute to remember it.

This particular one was a regular who was just repeatedly keying in the same wrong number. Though also common are the people who have no idea what number the card is under, and stand there for the entire order ringing in random ones. Or open up their cellphone and go through their entire address book.

[Evil Queen]

"How much are your rooms?"

"105, plus tax."

"105? Dollars?!"

[Chanlin]

"105? Dollars?!"

Nope, we take payment strictly in broken jacket buttons. That will be 105 broken jacket buttons..... plus tax

4) Where is (bread/milk/or other obvious product)?
Uh maybe you could try the Bakery/Dairy/or whatever obvious location it may be.

I wouldn't really fault people for this one. While the location may be obvious, the location of that department in the store is not. Now if its a small store where every department is easy to see then maybe this is kind of a dumb question, but if your store is a huge supermarket or a huge store like wal-mart then this is actually a valid question.

[DesignFox]

"... can i take your home phone number please?"

"1234567"

God I hate when people do that. I can't look up the wireless account without the area code in the number. Occasionally, the person will look at me like it's obvious, and I should just KNOW IT. (First of all, my store services 4 major service markets. Secondly, our service market alone has numbers with 4 different area codes...)

I also get:

#1-
ME: "What is the wireless number, please?"
SC: *blank stare*
-or-
SC: "Oh, you want my phone number? (proceeds to give home phone number)"


This is usually followed by them being offended because I can't pull up their account information, so I have to point to the cell phone and repeat that I need their wireless number.

#2-
ME: "And what is your billing zip code, please?"
SC: "123" (repeating the area code)
ME:

-or-

ME: "and what is the billing zip code on your account?"
SC: *blank stare*

Yes, I have customers who don't know their own billing address. *sigh*

I've had a long week....and it's not over, yet.

[FuzzyKitten99]

Nope, we take payment strictly in broken jacket buttons. That will be 105 broken jacket buttons..... plus tax

Tax as in Uncle Sam's cut, or "Tacks" like thumb tacks or brass tacks?

[hotredjag]

I did tell a customer "that will be $1.00 plus 5c from Unlce Sam".
Customer says "who is Uncle Sam"?

[Nephy]

I can't look up the wireless account without the area code in the number. Occasionally, the person will look at me like it's obvious, and I should just KNOW IT.

I get that all the time. I ask a customer for their phone number, they give me it without the area code. When I ask them "303 or 720?" usually roll their eyes and answer. Apparently they don't realize that if I was psychic, I wouldn't be working retail.

[McGoddess09]

"Do you guys have(food item)?"

Thing is, we have a picture menu board with BRIGHT lights behind them.

[Trayol]

"What ice cream flavors do you have?"

If you would look up at our menu directly in your line of sight, in the middle are all of our ice cream flavors.

[jigshoes86]

Oh yeah- my favorite-

"How much is a medium 1 topping pizza?"

point one: this person normally just spent 5 minutes lingering in my doorway staring at the menu board with --guess what-- the PRICES listed on it before approaching my counter.

point two: these aren't people asking for SPECIALS- they just wanna know the basic price

so- these points made

Me: ( first I glance at the menu board- because of the way it's angled I can look too- but it's pretty well designed- they can see it from the door. Of course I'm expecting my customers to have like any sense and that's certainly not allowed. And when I "glance" I physically turn my head and body) It's $xx.xx

I don't know why it bugs me so much but after the 5th or 6th person that can NOT seem to look any direction but straight ahead, it gets a little .........annoying. And add those annoyences up with other pizza place stress......it just ....arrgh.