Plain Donuts

[Worker-Intellectual]

One time after work, a few months ago, me and a coworker decided to go to Tim's for coffee. While we are standing in line, we saw the guy in front of us go nuts over plain donuts. The conversation went something like this:

"Hi, how can I help you?"

"I'd like some plain donuts."

(cashier checks the rack) "Sorry, we don't have any"

"I want my plain donuts! I called earlier and you said you would make them for me (probably BS)! Where are my plain donuts! I need my plain donuts! I'm a CHOLESTEROL MAN!!!"... and so on.

Meanwhile me and my friend are trying hard not to laugh because this guy could probably kick both of our a$$es easily (Partially because I have zero fighting ability). When the guy finally left, we got our coffee and donuts and started laughing like mad.

To this day, "wanna go for some plain donuts?" is how we say "wanna go to Tim's?"

[Kiwi]

ugh we were behind a guy buying a dozen this morning, cars up the wazoo in the drive through, line out the door in the resturant and this numb nuts is standing there humming and harring with his wife...

ok one more maple dip, honey should we get a chocolate or a chocolate dip, ok one more choclate dip, ok how about we get a regular glaze, oh we have one already ok um how about a boston kreme, what honey you dont like them ok how about a old fashioned glaze, ok one old fashioned glaze ... on and on and on

why do people insist on thinking about buying trivial things like doughnuts as if it was a life changing event.... its not cancer, its food.... you put it in your doughnut hole and chew....

[sportsmom]

I'm a CHOLESTEROL MAN!!!

Meet Cholesterol Man! A superhero for the new millenium, along with Valtrex Man and Prozac Girl!

Sorry, it's been one of those mornings.

[MamaMootz]

ok one more maple dip, honey should we get a chocolate or a chocolate dip, ok one more choclate dip, ok how about we get a regular glaze, oh we have one already ok um how about a boston kreme, what honey you dont like them ok how about a old fashioned glaze, ok one old fashioned glaze ... on and on and on .

Kiwi, you've visited flashbacks of Dunkin'Donuts on me.

I worked there on the weekends and Saturday and Sunday mornings were the worst, when we had a line literally out into the parking lot and just about every person would come up to the counter for a dozen donuts and hem and haw - mind you, they'd have been in line for about 10-15 minutes up to this point and one would think they would have figured out what they wanted before they got to the counter... but noooooooo.

"I want one chocolate frosted... oh, when did they make the boston cremes? Are they fresh? oh wait, put the chocolate frosted back and see if they have any fresh made french crullers "in the back"...."

they definetly did not pay me enough to work there.

[Luna]

Forgive me if I'm wrong - but aren't most donuts deep fried in oil? If so, and the guy has bad cholesterol - why the heck is he buying donuts??? Go get a rice cake for crying out loud.

I mean, I understand about having limited eating options. I have many. I go to Stabucks just b/c they're the only place that makes drinks with Soy milk as I can't have real milk. But I don't throw a fit if they're out, I'm sad - but I'm not going to die b/c I can't get a chocolate soy milk today ya know. Geez.

[Worker-Intellectual]

Forgive me if I'm wrong - but aren't most donuts deep fried in oil? If so, and the guy has bad cholesterol - why the heck is he buying donuts??? Go get a rice cake for crying out loud.

I don't know what was wrong with him, he looked late teens or early 20s, but he was fairly big. Maybe he's a cholesterol lover... in which case why would he want plain donuts when there are all sorts of wonderful Boston Cremes and Canadian Maples?

The more I think about Cholesterol Man the more my brain starts to hurt.

[Worker-Intellectual]

Meet Cholesterol Man! A superhero for the new millenium, along with Valtrex Man and Prozac Girl!

Sorry, it's been one of those mornings.

Superpowers include the ability to be a moron, make an a$$ out of himself, and eat plain donuts.

A Honey Dip is like Kryptonite to him

[Pagan]

Forgive me if I'm wrong - but aren't most donuts deep fried in oil? If so, and the guy has bad cholesterol - why the heck is he buying donuts??? Go get a rice cake for crying out loud.

Cake donuts are baked. But they're not nearly a good as a fresh glazed donut! Bring on the cholesterol!!
And then, of course, you have to put peanut butter on the rice cakes! Ooh, better yet, frosting!

[Spiffy McMoron]

Superpowers include the ability to be a moron, make an a$$ out of himself, and eat plain donuts.

A Honey Dip is like Kryptonite to him

And he has the most disgusting costume ever! And don't go with him, if he ever invites you to his secret lair for dinner. You'll end up eating nothing but plain doughnuts.

[chainedbarista]

A superhero for the new millenium, along with Valtrex Man and Prozac Girl!

i can't believe you forgot SUPER VIAGRA MAN...

seriously; if this fool has a cholesterol problem, donuts are one of the last things he needs.

here, have this brick of nice, yummy cheese...

[Banrion]

I worked there on the weekends and Saturday and Sunday mornings were the worst, when we had a line literally out into the parking lot and just about every person would come up to the counter for a dozen donuts and hem and haw - mind you, they'd have been in line for about 10-15 minutes up to this point and one would think they would have figured out what they wanted before they got to the counter... but noooooooo.

You would have loved me. My dozen on Sunday morning is easy. 4 Boston Creme, 4 Chocolate glazed, & 4 chocolate frosted. MY DD has gotten used to me now after a year, and they usually get it put together before I even get in the door.

But I have to say the best of the best donuts I have ever had in my life, came from a street vendor in Edinburgh, Scotland. It was a cool and foggy morning, and we went for an early walk about the neighborhood, and I don't know what he put in them, but he fried em up on the spot, and they were wonderful. Still waiting for that to catch on here in the US.

[MamaMootz]

You would have loved me.... they usually get it put together before I even get in the door. ...

You're right, Banrion - I would have been so happy to have you as a customer. I loved the regulars and I always had their stuff ready for them.

But I have to say the best of the best donuts I have ever had in my life, came from a street vendor in Edinburgh, Scotland...

I have to say the best donuts I ever had came from my grandmother's recipe - they are lightly fried circles of doughy heaven OR my MIL's recipe for Churros - again, yummy stuff.

[Dips]

Heh. If he's looking for cholesterol, donuts aren't going to get him much. Cholesterol comes from animal fats, not the vegetable fat that donuts are fried in. The only cholesterol would come from any milk, butter or eggs in the batter.

A baked chicken breast has more cholesterol than than several donuts.

[kerrisan]

"I want my plain donuts! I called earlier and you said you would make them for me (probably BS)! Where are my plain donuts! I need my plain donuts! I'm a CHOLESTEROL MAN!!!"... and so on.

Is "Cholesterol Man" a strange superhero to this guy, or was he just asking for a heart attack? If it's the latter, then yeah, there's a "plain donut" just for people with high cholesterol; it's called a BAGEL.

And does anybody else get as ticked as I do when people refer to things as "theirs" before they have even shown you some kind of payment for it? You can't claim it as "yours" until you've paid for it, so stop trying to use that reasoning!

[JustADude]

Overanalysis Much?

Oh, I don't know. Logically, one might suggest that a transaction is a boundry area between two states of ownership (in this instance the store's doughnuts, and the man's doughnuts). Therefore, as soon as a transaction has been initiated, a hypothetical grouping called 'my plain doughnuts' comes into existance.

Sadly, as there are no practical, applied doughnuts that match the hypothetical 'my plain doughnuts', therefore the hypothoses is rendered invalid, and the transaction state collapses without final resolution.

In short, they only exist in the s deluded little mind, and only untill his psyche disengages from the transaction.