This story is related to it shouldn't's thread
about a wanna- be thief that tried to get some quick lessons in Home invasion. Thing is, depending on the municipality, you have to be LICENSED to do such break-ins. OR ... you have to work for a business that has a license. Calling the cops on such a person as the wanna-be isn't just a good idea.. it was considered part of the job.
I didn't want to thread jack, so I've made this one.
Once upon a time, there was a lonely alarm technician. His father had sold the family business and the poor technician had to work for nasty people. One of these people was Ira. Ira was like a teeny tiny troll. He was mean to EVERYONE.
(I worked for a Locksmith for a year. I was still an alarm tech, but this was a side business for the owner. I was supposed to be learning the trade of Locksmithing, but the most he'd have me do is sweep up the shop or stuff so basic I already knew it. The guy was the scum of the earth, but he only stole from people legally. What could I do.. It paid the bills.. We did plenty of lock changes, and some of them had to be break-ins. They'd have to show proof of residency and pay cash up front. PLUS, we almost always had the cops called if there was not enough ID present. The person calling is usually in a bathrobe or was in the process of throwing a significant other out of a home)
(We had a woman throw her BF out of the house, we come in and install an alarm system and change the locks. The alarm was so cheap I actually got to install some locks because I was done before the Locksmith was. One door one motion, plug it into the phoneline and outlet.... DONE!!)
(BF comes home while we are changing locks.)
Hello nice officer, could you show the screaming man to his car please?? yes.. Kindly inform him that I am not F%@*ing anyone on the premises and I am NOT interested in stealing his collection of eighties custom torn jeans... But nice mullet BTW...
Ohhhhh... Mister Mullet wants to THREATEN THE LOCKSMITHS while sitting in his car....
Police come back and give Mr Mullet some SHINY NEW BRACELETS!!!
Mr Mullet is annnnnnnnnnnnnnngry now...
He's gonna "KICK OUR !!"
Mr Mullet gets introduced to MR CAR HOOD!! Yaaaaaay!! Ooo Mr. Mullet didn't seem to hear Mr car hood too well.. The nice Policeman is MAKING
DAMNdarn sure that Mr Mullet and Mr Car Hood can understand each other!!!
Mr Mullet and Mr Car Hood are having soooooooo much fun that they are SINGING together!!
BOING Iamgonna BOIROWW kickallofyer BAWinginginging asses
Mr Policeman liked the song so much, he did it FOUR TIMES!!! but by the fourth time.. Mr Mullet changed his tune....
BOING Iamnotresisting BOIROWW I'llbehave BAWinginginging lemmeleave!!
The song was still good enough to get the locksmiths, the alarm guy, the (very VERY ex-)Girlfriend AND the neighbors out to watch him sing it!!!
All in all, the locksmiths changed 2 locks, added deadbolts, put window locks on and I added an alarm system!! Mr Mullet was quiet for now, but he was NOT actually happy about this!!
He went to my old boss to (
for some reason SPEAKING POLITELY... at first) find out about changing the keys BACK!!! His key to the front door didn't work no more... THAT WASN'T FAIR!!! He politely asked for the owner to change the lock back.. ooooo Sorry Mr Mullet... not gonna happen! Okay.. (slightly louder) then HOW ABOUT THE NEW KEY *ahem* for the front door?
Nope! Not legal!! Can't do it...
(Mr Mullet got all red faced and asked what he was SUPPOSED TO DO?!?!?) My old boss said that all he could do was ask the lady NICELY and they could put in ALL NEW locks... again...
Mr Mullet got mad again...
BUT HE GOT TO MEET UP WITH HIS NEW BEST FRIEND MR CAR HOOD!!!
So... after the nice officers EXPLAINED to Mr Mullet that it WASN'T my Boss's FAULT and that he WASN'T ALLOWED to cuss and kick things in the store... Mr. Mullet got really nice and decided to apologize to EVERYONE!!!
Ira went and sold Mr Mullet alllllllll the things he would need to fix allllllllllll the doors in the house. Then Mr Mullet found out what it costs to have professional locksmiths install your locks for you!!!
MR MULLET GOT TO MEET UP WITH HIS NEW BEST FRIEND MR CAR HOOD AGAIN!!!!
But the Policeman got a little miffed.. Mr Mullet had DENTED Mr. Car Hood... He told Mr Mullet he couldn't come back to visit anymore... But Ira was actually nice... He gave Mr Mullet allllllllllllllll the screws and tools that he would need to change everything HIMSELF!!! Mr Mullet calmed down and went to talk to his ladyfriend..
WHO LOCKED THE DOOR AND CALLED THE POLICE!!
YAAAAAAAAY MR CAR HOOD GETS TO VISIT AFTER ALL!!!
And do you know what Mr Mullet tried to do then Boys and girls??
Can you say "All sales are final??""
I knew you could!!!
YAAAAAAAAY MR CAR HOOD GETS TO VISIT AGAIN!!!
Bye Mr Mullet... bye....