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Forgive me a moment, for I must rant and you are as kind an audience as I know.
This week, I almost reached what I can only refer to as my saturation point for the sheer amount of stupidity and rudeness that seems to walk this Earth at night. In 3 easy steps no less. It was already fairly moist with the tides of idiocy I deal with on the phone.
My Bastard Switch was ever so lightly fingered. It began simply enough....
Step 1: Don't even make it a block from my house.
Now, I live in a rather nice, large, residential neighbourhood. But it has That House(tm). You know, that one house in the neighbourhood that's rented by either college students or white trash who think Domestic Disturbance is another way of saying Family Time? Yes, that house. That House hasn't been That House for very long. It only recently had new renters move in. College students. Frat boy ones.
Within a week, there were 4 cop cars in front of that house breaking up some sort of house party and / or riot. So the neighbourhood is mildly displeased with its new occupants currently and the police are displeased at having to tie up so many units for some drunken fuckwit festival. But anyway, I was walking by this house when a voice called out to me:
"Hey, excuse me?"
I turn, and see this girl behind me. I assume she is seeking directions. As 9 times out of 10 when I am stopped, it is for directions as I wear glasses and thus must know everything.
"Can you spare some change?"
......wha? Bloody hell. Usually I can at least make it downtown before losers try to bum change off me ( and yes, 98% of them are complete losers in Vancouver. They'll try to bum change off you while they had iPod earbuds on. ). She's blasted out of her mind, so I can only assume she wandered out of That House(tm) and decided to try and drudge some additional beer money for the rest of the tribe.
Not to mention its 6 blocks to the nearest commercial establishment that would even be open at this time ( 7/11 ) that would have the sort of foot traffic necessary to facilitate panhandling. I guess the rarity of passersby explains her rates....
"Aw come on, you can't even spare a tooney?"
For those of you outside of Canada, a tooney refers to our $2 coin. The largest denomination of coin we have. Yes, that's right, upon being informed I do not have any spare change she immediately asks me for the largest possible denomination of coin my country has.
Whatever, I ignore her and walk away...
Step 2: Parental Supervision
annnd at the store. I walk up to the store, seeking nourishment and sufficient caffeine supplies to endure the night. There's a guy out front, leaning by the door waiting for the bus with his son. But the son is playing around directly in front of the door to the store. This door opens outwards.
The kid can't be more than 3 so he's way way below eye level, wearing a dark jacket in the middle of the friggan night. No one's going to see this little speed bump until after they've plastered him across the sidewalk with the door. I had to half shuffle, half negotiate with him just to get enough clearance to open the door enough to get in.
So what's dad doing? Every now and than he tells the kid to stop without even looking at him and continues to ignore the child completely. So of course the kid isn't stopping. But you know this asshole will probably start a fight with the first person that so much as bumps the kid with the door.
Argh!
Step 3: The Zone of Apathy
I discovered I have what I can only refer to as a Zone of Apathy. It is a rather calming place I must say.
After I arrived downtown and was leaving the station I noticed something peculiar. Now, its sort of a blind corner from where I'm coming from to the main entrance. So I can't see the doors. But the 3 guys in front of me get to doors, I see them stop, talk amongst themselves, shrug than keep walking to the far doors. Hrm...odd. A few more people do the same thing before I reach the corner. Oh well, I figure the door is out of order, right?
Wrong.
I round the corner and someone is leaning on the door from the outside. There are two double doors that exit the station. This is Friday night, the busiest night downtown at the exit to the busiest transit station in the city and some butter toasted blueberry twat waffle is standing directly outside one of the exit doors, leaning on it? These doors of course open outwards, so him leaning on it effectively blocks that door entirely.
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?
What matter could be so important as to block half the exit to the busiest transit station in the city on the busiest night in the city forcing everyone to walk around you to the far door?
He's trying to chat up some chick.
<twitch>
Now, this guy, I'm sure you've seen him before. He's everywhere after 10pm on a Friday. Short, spiked, gelled hair, little goatee even though he has the baby face of a 12 year old, single earring, enough aftershave to scare off elk half a mile away and that sort of icky "I am god's gift to the vagina" attitude. They appear downtown for one reason, and one reason only: To convince someone or something to let them put their penis in it.
To make it all the better, he's chatting up a Surrey Girl(tm). So it's not like there's much of a difficulty curve here. I recognize her by her uniform: Hooded sweat shirt with the hood up, track pants, bleach blond with the roots showing, heavy blue eye shadow and glitter, at least 6 piercings and a designer purse for no apparent reason and a logo plastered on her ass.
That's when the Zone of Apathy overtook me and the thought "Meh, screw this guy" crossed my mind. Everything became peace and calm. I'm not about to walk around to the far door just because some oily, Axe bodywash encrusted jiffpuzz is trying to talk his way into a day pass in the glory hole(s).
So I opened the door of course. Now, I'm not a total bastard ( Yet, anyhow ). They're double doors and I pushed the one opposite the one he was leaning all his weight on. But these doors are notoriously sticky so it pushed out the door he was leaning on somewhat too, surprising him and throwing him a little off balance.
Which of course, I assume, dishonoured his throbbing man hood in the face of his poon lottery. I had, for one brief moment, disturbed the force of his Cool(tm) directly in front of his would be conquest. He had to recover. He had to save face and the illusion he has a remarkably gifted penis size, and he had to do it quickly.
Thus, this was spat at me from his red baby cheeked rage:
"HEY! You better WATCH IT, son!!"
Which, I'll admit tickled me. As he was at least 5 years younger than me. But whatever. I really just get more and more calm rather than angry. So I merely grumbled back:
"Pfft, you're not even worth it."
and cut right between the two of them.
I didn't hear a further word directed at my back. So I assume he merely sat there and chewed anger until he remembered there were tits in front of him.
Argh! Why must humanity suck so? This isn't good. I'm beginning to hit my limit. =p
This week, I almost reached what I can only refer to as my saturation point for the sheer amount of stupidity and rudeness that seems to walk this Earth at night. In 3 easy steps no less. It was already fairly moist with the tides of idiocy I deal with on the phone.
My Bastard Switch was ever so lightly fingered. It began simply enough....
Step 1: Don't even make it a block from my house.
Now, I live in a rather nice, large, residential neighbourhood. But it has That House(tm). You know, that one house in the neighbourhood that's rented by either college students or white trash who think Domestic Disturbance is another way of saying Family Time? Yes, that house. That House hasn't been That House for very long. It only recently had new renters move in. College students. Frat boy ones.
Within a week, there were 4 cop cars in front of that house breaking up some sort of house party and / or riot. So the neighbourhood is mildly displeased with its new occupants currently and the police are displeased at having to tie up so many units for some drunken fuckwit festival. But anyway, I was walking by this house when a voice called out to me:
"Hey, excuse me?"
I turn, and see this girl behind me. I assume she is seeking directions. As 9 times out of 10 when I am stopped, it is for directions as I wear glasses and thus must know everything.
"Can you spare some change?"
......wha? Bloody hell. Usually I can at least make it downtown before losers try to bum change off me ( and yes, 98% of them are complete losers in Vancouver. They'll try to bum change off you while they had iPod earbuds on. ). She's blasted out of her mind, so I can only assume she wandered out of That House(tm) and decided to try and drudge some additional beer money for the rest of the tribe.
Not to mention its 6 blocks to the nearest commercial establishment that would even be open at this time ( 7/11 ) that would have the sort of foot traffic necessary to facilitate panhandling. I guess the rarity of passersby explains her rates....
"Aw come on, you can't even spare a tooney?"
For those of you outside of Canada, a tooney refers to our $2 coin. The largest denomination of coin we have. Yes, that's right, upon being informed I do not have any spare change she immediately asks me for the largest possible denomination of coin my country has.
Whatever, I ignore her and walk away...
Step 2: Parental Supervision
annnd at the store. I walk up to the store, seeking nourishment and sufficient caffeine supplies to endure the night. There's a guy out front, leaning by the door waiting for the bus with his son. But the son is playing around directly in front of the door to the store. This door opens outwards.
The kid can't be more than 3 so he's way way below eye level, wearing a dark jacket in the middle of the friggan night. No one's going to see this little speed bump until after they've plastered him across the sidewalk with the door. I had to half shuffle, half negotiate with him just to get enough clearance to open the door enough to get in.
So what's dad doing? Every now and than he tells the kid to stop without even looking at him and continues to ignore the child completely. So of course the kid isn't stopping. But you know this asshole will probably start a fight with the first person that so much as bumps the kid with the door.
Argh!
Step 3: The Zone of Apathy
I discovered I have what I can only refer to as a Zone of Apathy. It is a rather calming place I must say.
After I arrived downtown and was leaving the station I noticed something peculiar. Now, its sort of a blind corner from where I'm coming from to the main entrance. So I can't see the doors. But the 3 guys in front of me get to doors, I see them stop, talk amongst themselves, shrug than keep walking to the far doors. Hrm...odd. A few more people do the same thing before I reach the corner. Oh well, I figure the door is out of order, right?
Wrong.
I round the corner and someone is leaning on the door from the outside. There are two double doors that exit the station. This is Friday night, the busiest night downtown at the exit to the busiest transit station in the city and some butter toasted blueberry twat waffle is standing directly outside one of the exit doors, leaning on it? These doors of course open outwards, so him leaning on it effectively blocks that door entirely.
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?
What matter could be so important as to block half the exit to the busiest transit station in the city on the busiest night in the city forcing everyone to walk around you to the far door?
He's trying to chat up some chick.
<twitch>
Now, this guy, I'm sure you've seen him before. He's everywhere after 10pm on a Friday. Short, spiked, gelled hair, little goatee even though he has the baby face of a 12 year old, single earring, enough aftershave to scare off elk half a mile away and that sort of icky "I am god's gift to the vagina" attitude. They appear downtown for one reason, and one reason only: To convince someone or something to let them put their penis in it.
To make it all the better, he's chatting up a Surrey Girl(tm). So it's not like there's much of a difficulty curve here. I recognize her by her uniform: Hooded sweat shirt with the hood up, track pants, bleach blond with the roots showing, heavy blue eye shadow and glitter, at least 6 piercings and a designer purse for no apparent reason and a logo plastered on her ass.
That's when the Zone of Apathy overtook me and the thought "Meh, screw this guy" crossed my mind. Everything became peace and calm. I'm not about to walk around to the far door just because some oily, Axe bodywash encrusted jiffpuzz is trying to talk his way into a day pass in the glory hole(s).
So I opened the door of course. Now, I'm not a total bastard ( Yet, anyhow ). They're double doors and I pushed the one opposite the one he was leaning all his weight on. But these doors are notoriously sticky so it pushed out the door he was leaning on somewhat too, surprising him and throwing him a little off balance.
Which of course, I assume, dishonoured his throbbing man hood in the face of his poon lottery. I had, for one brief moment, disturbed the force of his Cool(tm) directly in front of his would be conquest. He had to recover. He had to save face and the illusion he has a remarkably gifted penis size, and he had to do it quickly.
Thus, this was spat at me from his red baby cheeked rage:
"HEY! You better WATCH IT, son!!"
Which, I'll admit tickled me. As he was at least 5 years younger than me. But whatever. I really just get more and more calm rather than angry. So I merely grumbled back:
"Pfft, you're not even worth it."
and cut right between the two of them.
I didn't hear a further word directed at my back. So I assume he merely sat there and chewed anger until he remembered there were tits in front of him.
Argh! Why must humanity suck so? This isn't good. I'm beginning to hit my limit. =p
(And I recognize that type, too. My college is full of them >< - although it IS amusing when they hit on me and I gently inform them I am in fact old enough to have given birth to them; had I actually done so, of course, they'd have been taught better manners and better taste in aftershave...)
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