Utter absurdity...

[Dingwell]

I can't claim ownership on this one, and I'm not sure if this fits under 'Sucky Customers' or 'I don't work here!', but I say the suckiness outweighs the 'I don't work hereedness', so I'm posting it here.

My friend Brian came into work one day about seven years ago. He had a massive shiner and a bandage on his head. Brian is a pretty mellow guy, doesn't go out to bars or starts fights. Needless to say this was pretty unusual for him.

Dingwell: Holy crap Bri! What happened?

Brian: I went grocery shopping.

Dingwell: In Bosnia?

Brian: No, at the Costmart. (Name changed for litigation purposes.)

Dingwell: What happened when you went grocery shopping? Did one of the shelves collapse or something?

Brian: No, I was wearing a white shirt and some lady thought I was a stockboy.

(Brian tends to dress nice. He wears dress clothes and ties all the time. Costmart requires their employees to wear White shirts, ties and a RED APRON. It would be possible to mistake Brian for a Costmart employee I suppose, but you would have to have spectacular vision problems to do it.)

Dingwell: Soooo... how did that result in a shiner and a bump on your head?

Brian: It's not a bump, I have four stitches and I have to keep it covered for a couple of days.

Dingwell: Keep talking dude.

Brian: I went into Costmart to get some stuff for the weekend and I ran into Scott. We're standing there talking and there's a tap on the shoulder. There's this older lady standingthere with a cart and an umbrella and she wants to know where she can get some canned beets or something. I tell her the vegetable aisle is a couple of rows over and start talking to Scott again. Couple of seconds later there's a thump on my back, she just whacked me with the umbrella.

Dingwell: What?

Brian: Yeah, she whacked me with the umbrella. Started yelling that I needed to start showing her some respect as she's a customer and she can have me fired and demands that I go over to the canned beets and get them for her. I told her I don't work here and that she can piss off. I turned around to start talking to Scott again. I think I started to say 'What a bitch!' and then I was on my knees holding my head. She hit with the umbrealla again, knocked me down. Hard enough that she cut my head. Scotty was standing there stunned, he's going 'Are you out of your f*****g mind lady?' And she's just screeching. I don't know what she's saying cause I was pretty stunned at that point. Scott says that she was yelling something about respect and then she winds up and hits me again and the hook on the embrella got me right in the eye.

Dingwell: Holy S**t!

Brian: Tell me about it. I guess she was winding up again and Scotty stepped forward and grabbed the umbrealla, just to keep this old bat from hitting me again. Right about then a largish stockboy comes around the corner and sees me on the ground and Scott and the old lady wrestling with the umbrella.

Dingwell: Thank god.

Brian: Not really, the guy tackled Scott. Thought he was attacking her or something. Scott goes down, but he's holding onto the umbrealla so tight that the lady goes down too. Scott hit the aisle pretty hard so he might have a cracked rib. We were in the ceral aisle so at least there weren't any jars that could break and slice us open at least but he took out a huge display of cereal.

Dingwell: Oh my god Brian. Was the rest of your weekend a three stooges movie as well?

Brian: I am not even close to done. All the noise from the display going down brings the rest of the staff to the aisle in a hurry. Two of the stock boys see Scott trying to get free of the stock boy and proceed to lay on the beats for a minute until Scotty just lets go of the umbrealla and just covers up. And at the same time the lady starts screaming that we tried to rape her or something so the next thing I know I've got two guys on top of me and I'm in a headlock.

Dingwell: Rape her? Where the hell did that come from?

Brian: No idea man. She just blurted it out. And she starts screaming that her hip is broken too. She's now gonna sue everyone and everything and oh by the way... she's still yelling that she's going to have me fired.

Dingwell: That's f**king unreal.

Brian: I know. So they call an ambulance for her and drag me and Scott away from her...

Dingwell: Thank god.

Brian: ...into the stock room where about four of the stockboys and the butcher keep us there until the police come.

Dingwell: Oh good God, please don't tell me you went to jail.

Brian: What? No man, no. The cops got there in about fifteen minutes, an older guy and a young girl that was actually taller than the guy and the first thing the old guy says is 'Surveilliance tapes'.

Dingwell: Were there any tapes? Were you on camera?

Brian: Yes, thank God. He goes into the managers office with one of the staff for about a half hour, while the lady cop is taking my statement and Scott's. He comes out and very politely asks us if we want to press charges against the old lady or against the stockboys.

Dingwell: Ha! Did you?

Brian: Hell yes! I went for some frigging groceries and got a friggin concussion!

Dingwell: Yeah. Concussions aren't part of a balanced diet.

(I've punched this up a tad, the dialogue is wittier than it probably was because I like to make things entertaining. I'm vain that way. Brian and Scott asked for the charges to be stayed against the stockboys because the store manager called them in to see if he could settle things amicably and without a lawsuit. He showed them a copy of the tape and it was pretty clear that the stockboys had no idea what the hell was going on and there was no intent. The two that laid the beats on Scott got fired however. The store manager gave Brian and Scott gift cards for about 10 grand worth of groceries a piece to make up for the incident and for a promise to not sue. Scotty also got the store manager to pay for lost wages as he did havea cracked rib and he milked it for a week off work on the store's tab. Scott's a life gives you lemon's make lemonade kind of dude...

As for the old lady, her hip was actually broken. She spent about three and a half months in hospital, then the prosecuting attorney called Brian and advised him that he'd like to drop the charges against her for now as she was clearly in the later stages of dementia/alzheimers and he didn't think there was much point in proceeding. Brian asked if she was going to be out in public again and was advised that she was going to be confined to wheelchair in an old folks home so he graciously let it go. Brian was always mellow that way, but you knew that already.)

I guess the moral of the story is this. If an old lady with an umbrella asks you for canned beets, make sure she does not have an umbrella before you tell her where to go.

Dingwell

[Rapscallion]

I'll be moving this to 'Sightings', since it fits best in there, but ... damn.

Sounds like it was the dementia talking when she was wielding that umbrella, though.

Rapscallion

[kerrisan]

Wow. What an experience. Apparently, she was "out of her f***ing mind." I'm glad this lady will be getting the care she needs.

[Gawdzillers]

If she hit me, I'd yank the umbrella away and toss it behind me.
STEP 1: Eliminate weapon.
And then I'd give her a few choice words, probably involving repetitive use of a word that starts with "F" and ends with "uck". And it ain't "Firetruck".
STEP 2: Commence tell-off.

Thanks for reading my advice, you now owe me 40 cents.

[Discourtesy Clerk]

War Story status, anyone? This is freaking insane.

[Seanette]

War Story status, anyone? This is freaking insane.

I submitted a nomination via the accepted channels. I'm told it's under consideration by the mod team.

[Ree]

War stories nominations are to be done in a PM to the mod team, and not in the public forum.

Not all nominations are accepted, but all nominations using the proper channel are, at the very least, considered.

[alphaboi]

There's no way I would not have pressed charges and sued the old lady, the stockboys, and the store. Alzheimers is not an excuse. If her condition was advanced enough that she can't be held responsible then her family (or whoever cares for her) shouldn't allow her to leave her house unescorted. When she does leave her escort should have complete liabilty for her actions. If they can't manage that then she needs to be placed in a managed care facility.

[protege]

If she hit me, I'd yank the umbrella away and toss it behind me.
STEP 1: Eliminate weapon.

Where's the fun in that? I'm surprised nobody mentioned um, inserting it somewhere...and then *opening* the thing

But seriously, I would have pressed charges against her, the stockboys, manager, and the store itself. There was no cause for their actions, especially since they didn't know the entire story.

[Canarr]

But seriously, I would have pressed charges against her, the stockboys, manager, and the store itself. There was no cause for their actions, especially since they didn't know the entire story.

Now, that's a pretty SC thing to say, isn't it? I mean, how are the manager and the store at fault for the stockboys' behavior? Sure, they'd be liable for damages incurred (which the manager didn't try to deny), but press charges? For what, employing people?

Personally, I found the outcome very fair. The first stockboy may have overreacted in tackling Scott, but how would you react if you turned a corner at work and saw an (I assume) younger man apparently manhandling an old lady, with an umbrella in the middle? Just walk up and try to separate them, risk getting hit in the process? Do nothing and wait for security, which might result in the old woman getting hurt? Tackling seems a reasonable course of action to me here, since it must have looked like an ongoing attack, which would warrant self-defense.

Now, the two guys hitting Scott, I'd have kept the charges; they were clearly way out of line, but the manager fired them, so it's not like he tried to shelter them from the consequences of their actions. And you can't fault the man for attempting to keep his store out of a potentially damaging law suit, especially considering the ridiculous litigation practices in the US.

Seems to me, the manager was pretty fair and generous in absolving the whole deal; no need to press charges against him, I'd say.

[Kogarashi]

I agree with Canarr, at least as far as the stockboys are concerned. I'm not too surprised the first assumed that the younger man was attacking the older lady, as that happens often enough in today's society compared to vice versa. Especially if the stockboy assumed that Brian was injured by Scott in an attempt to defend the old lady. The other stockboys definitely shouldn't have laid down a beating, and were duly fired for it. The manager didn't shelter them, and I don't see where store had much to do with it.

I would've pressed charges against the lady, though, or whoever is in charge of her, seeing as she's not fit to be out in public alone. I've known people with Alzheimer's to be perfectly nice, functional people in public, but this lady clearly was not one of them.

[AFpheonix]

Wow...and what did we learn today children? Don't turn your back on crazy ladies with umbrellas!

[protege]

The manager didn't shelter them, and I don't see where store had much to do with it.

I think I read *way* too much into it.