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So my older sister, The Witch, who last talked to me when she woke me up with a text at an ungodly hour to tell me about the weather where she lives, messaged me again the other day. It was at a reasonable hour, but it was to ask me if the rumor she heard that I was going to be in Salt Lake City the weekend of her birthday happened to be true.
Why yes, yes it is. Whyever do you ask? (Yes, I feared the answer.)
Well, it just so happens that SHE is going to be in SLC the same weekend, and would I like to get together with her for a birthday cocktail?
The following flashed through my mind in about 1.4 seconds, but I'll slow it down for you:
That Friday I fly into Salt Lake City, get settled in Groom's Mom's house, and organize the bachelor party, no mean feat in the center of Mormonville. So no go on Friday.
That Saturday is the night of the wedding, and I am helping with a few things. So, no go on Saturday.
Sunday I am free to explore the city as everyone else is leaving, but I had no intention of waking up at the crack of Hell to get on a 7 am plane back to Florida the morning after a wedding. So in theory, I would have free time to get together with her. And, due to a football bet from when our schools played in a bowl game a few years ago, the woman does owe me a beer.
And thus my answer was formulated: "Sorry, sis, all my time in SLC is going to be taken up by the wedding. Won't be able to do it."
Is it a lie? Technically, yes, though I would like to point out that it is 2/3 true. But I am going to have all of one day to enjoy a city I have never been to, perhaps meet up with some cool people, and the specter of dealing with that woman on that one day sits about as well with me as cheap food from a poorly kept cafe in Tijuana sits with the average gringo tourist. I don't like this woman, she is not a nice woman, and frankly, I am not about to subject myself to her nastiness if I can at all avoid it. Which, thankfully, I can.
So for those of you that live in Salt Lake City, know this: on the first weekend of May, SHE is coming.
You have been warned.
Why yes, yes it is. Whyever do you ask? (Yes, I feared the answer.)
Well, it just so happens that SHE is going to be in SLC the same weekend, and would I like to get together with her for a birthday cocktail?
The following flashed through my mind in about 1.4 seconds, but I'll slow it down for you:
That Friday I fly into Salt Lake City, get settled in Groom's Mom's house, and organize the bachelor party, no mean feat in the center of Mormonville. So no go on Friday.
That Saturday is the night of the wedding, and I am helping with a few things. So, no go on Saturday.
Sunday I am free to explore the city as everyone else is leaving, but I had no intention of waking up at the crack of Hell to get on a 7 am plane back to Florida the morning after a wedding. So in theory, I would have free time to get together with her. And, due to a football bet from when our schools played in a bowl game a few years ago, the woman does owe me a beer.
And thus my answer was formulated: "Sorry, sis, all my time in SLC is going to be taken up by the wedding. Won't be able to do it."
Is it a lie? Technically, yes, though I would like to point out that it is 2/3 true. But I am going to have all of one day to enjoy a city I have never been to, perhaps meet up with some cool people, and the specter of dealing with that woman on that one day sits about as well with me as cheap food from a poorly kept cafe in Tijuana sits with the average gringo tourist. I don't like this woman, she is not a nice woman, and frankly, I am not about to subject myself to her nastiness if I can at all avoid it. Which, thankfully, I can.
So for those of you that live in Salt Lake City, know this: on the first weekend of May, SHE is coming.
You have been warned.
)
You'll be too busy recovering from the wedding and just won't have the mental capacity to deal with someone like your sister. Because of the wedding.
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