As the song says...

[JoitheArtist]

"Help me make it through the night..."

Today is...well, it's one of those days when I can't seem to convince myself that I have any value to the world. My counseling session tonight probed a very painful area of my life, and I don't know why it hurts, or why I don't want to think about anything near that. Add to that the fact that I find it damn near impossible to ask for help, and the fact that when I do toss a hint out, most people miss it.

So tonight I'm feeling battered, tired of fighting for sanity, and invisible.

Just need to rant a little, and shamelessly beg for attention, because I feel like I'm going crazy.

[RootedPhoenix]

*offers many hugs and lots of herb tea (iced if you want)*

It's something I've been dealing with lately too. I don't have any advice, but...you are most certainly not alone, nor are you unwanted.

[HorrorFrogPrincess]

You take purdy pictures. ^w^

[iradney]

Joi, even though I'm on a completely different continent, allow me to say that I personally find you to be of great value to the world.
Your posts are whimsical and fun to read, you give great advice and I agree with HorrorFrogPrincess in that you take very good pictures.
Take heart! *HUGS*

[Becks]

Awwwwwww, Joi.

I love you!!

*hugs*

[ArcticChicken]

We love you, Joi.

If you wanna talk to a person, I'd be more than happy to give you my number.

[morgana]

Joi, hun, I'm just another voice on the internetz, but listen, okay?

I have been where you're at. It's a horrible place to be, but obviously you're working to get out of it. Don't let that work be for nothing.

I've never met you in person, probably never will. But from your posts, you're intelligent, you're thoughtful, you're mannered . . . (And you take purdy pictures ). We need *more* people like that, not fewer.

You're not going crazy; we'd know if you were. You're hoeing a hard row right now, obviously, but trust me on this: it WILL get better.

That's personal experience talking right there. My life isn't perfect, far from it, but it's hugely better than it was five years ago, or for the ten years before that. Keep working at it, and don't be afraid to reach out for help.

Especially here.

[JoitheArtist]

Thanks to all; things are still very difficult, but I was able to settle down enough to get some sleep without incident. It's very much a struggle just to have the will to keep fighting, but so far I am. I can't tell whether the increased insanity is due to long years of keeping everything bottled up and it's all just getting to be too much, or if it's just because going to counseling is knocking down some defenses and this is junk that just has to come out, like infection in a wound. The voices in my head are saying all kinds of crap, but I've managed to get by without doing any harm to myself, which, honestly, is a triumph in and of itself.

Thanks for all the kind thoughts! I really love this board.

[KiaKat]

It's probably a bit from column A and a bit from column B.

From what I can tell, a good number of the regulars here have been through therapy or on meds for similar emotions. Which means you can most likely find a bunch who know exactly how to react.

And don't forget, even though you just had a therapy session, many doctors will be happy to set up a second phone session, for an emergency, to make sure you're ok.

Suicide hotlines are good for that too, even if you're thinking of harming rather than suicide. There's more than one ledge out there, after all.

I'm glad you're better, sleep is always helpful in the healing process.

[Jester]

My PM is always open, and I think you have my phone number too.

Don't hesitate to use them. Seriously.

[JoitheArtist]

My PM is always open, and I think you have my phone number too.

Don't hesitate to use them. Seriously.

I know. And thanks for that. I dunno if I'll ever take advantage of the phone offer, but it's nice to know it's there.

[RootedPhoenix]

*offers hugs, gummi bears, and chocolate!*
Please excuse the exuberance.

But really, I do care and my PM box is always open.
Part of how you're feeling probably is just stuff that needs to come out. I've had it happen to me like that, and it's no fun to feel. It's good in the grand scheme, but it's still really difficult and painful.