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C'mon gather 'round, folk, and listen to the tale of Sleepy McPantsless.
Sleepy McPantsless was a young man. Some would say a foolish man (They were right.) He was a man of few words, (only one in fact, unless "Snee" is a word,) and even fewer pants. He was a guest in my hotel.
It was about 5 am, and our young man in question walks past the lobby carrying a big green hoodie, clad in only his briefs. I proceed to follow, and see him bouncing from wall to wall, trying every door handle unfortunate enough to stumble within his flailing grasp. The doors, prehaps more sensible than either of us, remain locked.
I ask if I can help him; "Snee," was his confidently reply. I ask if he's a guest staying here in the hotel; "Snee," he smirked.
I begin guiding the man I've tenatively nicknamed Pantsless Mcduck in my mind back towards the lobby, fully aware that his alcohol intake was surpassed only by whatever his hallucinogen of choice may have been.
"Do you know what your name is?" I hesitantly quiried. "...Snee?" was his reply in a likewise fashion. "Do you know where your pants are?" "Snnnneeeeeeeeee" We both chuckled at the fruitlessness of the question.
I guide him to a chair in the lobby, where he promptly falls asleep, and I call the police in preparation to pass the buck to the boys in blue.
Half an hour or so passes, with the now-rechristened Sleepy McPantsless by far the most comfortable person in the lobby during that time, and our brave officers arrive.
Through a mighty effort, they rouse Sleepy McPantless to his previous state of incoherency, and play the classic tactic of bad-cop/cop-ducking-around-the-corner-laughing-so-hard-she's-got-tears-in-her-eyes during which time they have a near verbatim repeat of the earlier discussion Sleepy and I shared.
The decision is made to cuff him, and haul him off to the drunk tank, with paramedics alerted to check him for alcohol poisoning/overdose when he arrives.
Deciding Sleepy McPantsless is a might too wobbly to make it out to the patrol car under his own power, The first officer asks her partner to "Give me a hand with him. You just know this one's gonna go sideways."
At which point Sleepys face lights up, and as he's being escorted out he screams, at volumes attainable only in the very early hours of the morning: "SIDEWAYS!!!!!!"
Sleepy McPantsless was a young man. Some would say a foolish man (They were right.) He was a man of few words, (only one in fact, unless "Snee" is a word,) and even fewer pants. He was a guest in my hotel.
It was about 5 am, and our young man in question walks past the lobby carrying a big green hoodie, clad in only his briefs. I proceed to follow, and see him bouncing from wall to wall, trying every door handle unfortunate enough to stumble within his flailing grasp. The doors, prehaps more sensible than either of us, remain locked.
I ask if I can help him; "Snee," was his confidently reply. I ask if he's a guest staying here in the hotel; "Snee," he smirked.
I begin guiding the man I've tenatively nicknamed Pantsless Mcduck in my mind back towards the lobby, fully aware that his alcohol intake was surpassed only by whatever his hallucinogen of choice may have been.
"Do you know what your name is?" I hesitantly quiried. "...Snee?" was his reply in a likewise fashion. "Do you know where your pants are?" "Snnnneeeeeeeeee" We both chuckled at the fruitlessness of the question.
I guide him to a chair in the lobby, where he promptly falls asleep, and I call the police in preparation to pass the buck to the boys in blue.
Half an hour or so passes, with the now-rechristened Sleepy McPantsless by far the most comfortable person in the lobby during that time, and our brave officers arrive.
Through a mighty effort, they rouse Sleepy McPantless to his previous state of incoherency, and play the classic tactic of bad-cop/cop-ducking-around-the-corner-laughing-so-hard-she's-got-tears-in-her-eyes during which time they have a near verbatim repeat of the earlier discussion Sleepy and I shared.
The decision is made to cuff him, and haul him off to the drunk tank, with paramedics alerted to check him for alcohol poisoning/overdose when he arrives.
Deciding Sleepy McPantsless is a might too wobbly to make it out to the patrol car under his own power, The first officer asks her partner to "Give me a hand with him. You just know this one's gonna go sideways."
At which point Sleepys face lights up, and as he's being escorted out he screams, at volumes attainable only in the very early hours of the morning: "SIDEWAYS!!!!!!"
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