ARRRGH! (epic)

[goldaries13]

Otherwise known as the tale of the dimwitted semi-stalker. You'll see why in a minute.

Alright, children, storytime! Our tale starts about three years ago, when the Dane and I moved to New York for college. In our apartment complex lives a couple about my mom's age, and they live with their son and daughter, daughter is about three years younger than me and the son is about four years older. This is the tale of the Son.

The Dane and I never actually really saw these offspring when we initially moved, but we did have a casual relationship with the couple(we chatted at the mailbox). The Dane and I made mention of the fact that we were attending uni in town. At this point, Son had been a shiftless bum(their words) who had never been to college, but a year after we moved to town, he started attending the same uni as us. Odd, but I thought nothing of it at the time.

Now, my job history since moving to NY has consisted of four places: Sears, JCPenney, Walgreens, and Walmart. Every time, shortly after working there, Son has shown up about three weeks later working the Exact. Same. Job. After the first instance of this, I stopped mentioning to Old Couple when I changed jobs, but Son was still changing jobs right with me and trying to talk with me (and I guess) flirt with me, despite the fact the Dane and I were together and I told him so.

Why am I complaining about this now? I just got a new cell phone a month ago, from Verizon. I gave my number to several people I study with, and apparently someone(I'm in the process of finding out who) gave the number to Son, and he has apparently done two things with this info:

1) He has been calling me, at all hours, begging for a date,

2)and more important, and pissing me off more, using my number to deflect his bill collectors. As in, he's lied and told them his new number is my cell phone! I've given a short version to the bill collectors, but this is still pissing me off.


I want to rip this twatwaffle's head off. I really don't think I can make a case for stalking, though. I want him dead, or at least maimed. Any (legal) suggestions?

[Tireana Dorcha]

Just out of curiosity, why wouldn't you have a case against him? What proof do you need for a restraining order? I would suggest looking into it--even if you don't think you can get far with it--and checking with your phone provider to see if you can have his number blocked and what, if anything, they can do about him using your number for debt collectors. Also, if he's constantly following you from job to job, couldn't you warn your employer of the situation, and how uncomfortable he makes you feel?

And next time he calls, have the Dane answer. Have a giggle fest out of it

[Chanlin]

In regards to the debt collection stuff it is perfectly legal for you to pass on the correct contact information for him. Granted you may open yourself up to more calls by doing so.

And there would be no telling how he reacts, but I bet he stops giving out your number as soon as you start passing on information like his correct address, correct phone number (ask his parents) and the contact number to his place of employment (include his extension if your employer uses them). Heck I bet if you tell his parents what he's been doing one of them may get on his case about it. Yeah I realize hes no longer a kid, but meh.

Before resorting to this tactic I would talk to him and make it clear that in no uncertain terms that you are not happy about this. If you have already then the above is fair game.

[blas]

I second the "have Dane answer", and I also agree to give all debt collectors his real phone number.

You can call your phone provider and ask to have his number blocked.

The next time he calls you, you answer, and you tell him "I want you to stop calling me. I am not interested in you." (do NOT apologize in any way or be nicey nice. Be very firm!)

From that point, DO NOT answer his phone calls or texts and voicemails, but save them (or as many as you can before your phone makes you delete them like mine does). Then call the police or go to the police station and see about getting a restraining order.

[taxguykarl]

I agree with Blas about amassing a log of unwelcome contacts and filing for a restraining order.
As for the collection calls, I found myself in a similar situation. Last summer we received a series of collection agency calls seeking her ex-husband. I put her on and she calmly stated that she had no contact since the divorce in 1999. We have not received a such a call since August.

I also got calls seeking someone with the same last name. My reply: WHO? That stopped those.

[Andara Bledin]

If the debt collectors get pushy, get their contact info from them, and then forbid them from ever calling your number again upon pain of harrassment charges.

You might also consider changing your number again and when giving it out to those you want to be able to contact you, stress how important it is that they not give it out to anyone else, particularly shiftless stalker guys who have no business having your number.

^-.-^

[goldaries13]

I'm not too worried about the bill collectors, as I have deflected most of them:

Sample Conversation with Fuckwit Stalker's bill collectors

Me: Hello?
BC: Hello, is this Fuckwit Stalker?
Me: *sotto* Oh, Christ. *normal* No, this is not his number. His number is still the one you had on file previously, which is xxx-xxx-xxxx, his address is still 123A Twatwaffle Estates, and just for good measure, his work number is xxx-xxx-yyyy, extension xyx.
BC: Okay...
Me: I work with him. I have no idea why he gave you my number.
BC: Ah. Sorry to have bothered you.
Me: No problem. He'll be at work 6PM EST tomorrow.
BC: Thanks.

I don't care if what I did(telling them when he works next) was wrong, when you pull this kind of shit, the gloves come off.

After those conversations, I called my supervisor(I can't very well talk to his, because, well, that's me, technically). I explained the situation, and she said apparently, electronics dept. and customers have noticed something's up and complained, but they couldn't officially do anything till I complained, since most of the complaints were about his behavior toward me. If only I had known that sooner! So I guess he's getting canned.

After that mess, we've been waiting. The Dane took his first call and put it on speaker:

The Dane: Hello?
Fuckwit Stalker: Hey, uh... Is GoldAries there?
TD: Dude, let me level with you. Can I do that?
FS: Uh... I guess?
TD: It's like this, FS: I'm her husband. You keep asking her for a date, despite the fact she's married, she's told you so, and she has also told you in no uncertain terms to eat shit and die. Add to that the fact you follow her from job to job, and are even studying the same major...
FS: Hey, man! Fuck you!
TD: Listen here, you little prickmuncher. Back the hell off. You do not want this to get ugly. And it will if you continue. *click* *turns to me* How was that?
Me: ...I think I just fell in love with you all over again.
TD and me:

All other calls (at last count, 13) have been sent to voicemail. We've listened to them, and saved them. Incoherent rambling, mostly, but he's essentially threatening my husband and begging for a date.

I thought about going to his parents, but his father, at least, seems to be encouraging his behavior, asking me why I have not taken up Darling Son's offer for a date. No amount of saying I'm married, no amount of bitchiness stops this prick, or his father. I haven't gotten a read on his mother, but she seems sane, and also, tough as nails. I'll have to catch her alone.

[Tireana Dorcha]

Glad to see that you've gotten some of the issues deflected. And way to go Dane, that was an awesome phone call . I would say to just ignore the father, much as you have the son. If downright bitchiness and rudness has not detered him as of yet, it won't ever. Pretend he's not there (you are not obligated to respond to him when he initiates conversations), but do make an "attempt" not to run over his toes

[It shouldn't]

but he's essentially threatening my husband and begging for a date.

That might be enough for a restraining order.
I hope you saved the VM's. I would let the police listen to them.
I would also keep a journal with everything he does and says (date, place, time etc)
Also see about getting statements from co-workers/supervisor regarding his mutterings.

[blas]

Since he's threatening your husband, the both of you ought to get your hineys down to the courthouse and get a restraining order. Infact, if he's to the point of threatening, you may be able to get an ex parte restraining order, which means it goes into effect immediately before a court date is even scheduled. Ex parte restraining orders are for the more serious kinds of stalking cases.

[Rapscallion]

I'm somewhat behind on current romantic standards, but isn't giving your potential mate's phone number out as yours when talking to debt collection agencies going to make things a touch harder for you in the tilting lists of love?

As I said, I'm behind the curve on such stuff - might be one of those dreadful modern things.

Rapscallion

[Geek King]

I'm with the rest here. If threats have been made, no matter how you feel about them, get the legal system in the game. I'll be blunt: Just your description of his behavior is ringing all kinds of primal alarm bells in my head. This is not just some love-lorne youngster. He's not right in the head, and everyone, including the police, need to be kept up to date with what's going on. Shut this down before he moves into If-I-can't-have-her-no-one-can-land.

[goldaries13]

I'm somewhat behind on current romantic standards, but isn't giving your potential mate's phone number out as yours when talking to debt collection agencies going to make things a touch harder for you in the tilting lists of love?

Now that's what I thought, too. But I have been with the same guy for six years, so perhaps I'm out of the loop, as well.

In all seriousness, we went down to the police station, as well as the courthouse today. There is an ex parte restraining order in place (thank you for the info, blas; apparently having that info and talking like I knew what it was helped move matters along smoothly).

Oh, and we're breaking our lease and moving. We're going to start looking at places tomorrow. I'd feel much safer, and The Dane agrees. The housing authority that owns the complex has been informed, and considering the circumstances, one of the men there said they may waive the fees, since it falls under a "safety issue."

Honestly? I want to thank all of you. I never really thought that it was considered stalking, and I probably wouldn't have done anything if it hadn't been for you guys.

[Pairou]

Maybe I'm just crazy (well... I am), but I'd love to know how it goes. Keep us updated?

[goldaries13]

Maybe I'm just crazy (well... I am), but I'd love to know how it goes. Keep us updated?

Of course! It's just... gah. What with the Dane's health, planning our second wedding, finishing up the school year, and my family converging on NY en masse to help with The Dane, I've been stressed. This is just one more thing I didn't need.