I'm human, kthxbye. (long, ranty, language)

[NightWatch]

No, I really not this mean to the people who call into my work, I'm just venting some of the more frustrating stuff I deal with.

I'm really tired of this:

Me: Opening spiel that is very polite and professional and includes my first name.
SC: Ogden.
Me: Excuse me?
SC: Ogden!
Me: ????

I am a PO-LI-CCCCCCE DIIIISSSS-PAAATTT-CCHHERRRR. Not a switchboard operator. If you do not know the number to some place and I happen to have it, I would be more then happy to provide you the number or even transfer you. But on one condition, you use your big boy words.

For future reference, try saying something like "Do you know the number to *police in other city*" -or- "May I please speak to such-and-such officer?"

I will even settle for "Yo bitch! Yo stupid azz best be transferring me to XXXXX!" Because at least I know what the fuzz you want.

PS: When I answer the phone and you just say:
SC: Hi! This is John Smith.....
Me:....
SC: ....
Me: Um, who?
I do not know who you are or what you want just because you say your name. So don't tell me your name all expectantly. People who tell me their name usually want one of the following:
- To be recognized as a regular caller (which I'm pretty sure is not a good thing, by the way)
- For me to recognize that they must be the spouse/SO of so-and-so who is booked in the jail.
- For me to instantly know your problem without any further explanation.

I am not a Jedi, so go fuck yourself.


What number did you dial?

I also can't stand when people dial the ten digit non-emergency number and then in a paniced tone go "This is the non-emergency number, right?!!!"
I appreciate your concern, but seriously, what number did you dial. I think you should be able to remember if you dialed 911 or XXX-XXX-XXXX.
If I answer the phone with "911 emergency, what is your emergency?" THEN you can be all worried about whether or not this is the emergency line.

I r is stoopit

It is not neccessary to try and sound like a cop or a professor of english when you speak to me. My job is get the important info, and I am entirely ok with you talking like Eminem if you want to. But please stop trying to impress me with your big words (ya know, like watermelon).
Ya see, the problem with you trying so hard is that you don't know what the fuzz you're talking about and it takes way too long to get any information out of you.

You: Ummmm.... I saw a ummmmm.... perp... attempting to ummm uhhhh commit eerrr... an act of ummm errr... grand.....larceny???
Me: So can you tell me what happened?

They keep trying to use all these big words and terms and have no idea what any of it means, meanwhile I have no idea what the f&%! happened.

I also love when people tell me they want to be unanimous. Yeah, figure that one out.

[Primer]

Quoth NightWatch

What number did you dial?

I also can't stand when people dial the ten digit non-emergency number and then in a paniced tone go "This is the non-emergency number, right?!!!"

I r is stoopit

I also love when people tell me they want to be unanimous. Yeah, figure that one out.

A) 10+ years ago, when I would have to call the non-emergency number in Austin, they would always forward me to 911. I would then have to tell 911 that this was NOT an emergency. I'm sure it made them real happy, and made me look stupid.

B) Either they want to be anonymous, or they want you to agree with whatever they are saying.

[Jack T. Chance]

Quoth NightWatch

I am not a Jedi, so go fuck yourself.

That's frakkin' BRILLIANT!

[Skeksin]

Quoth NightWatch

I also love when people tell me they want to be unanimous. Yeah, figure that one out.

I wish my involvement in this matter to be cloaked in a veil of mystery and shrouded in secrecy...

[Stormraven]

Mrs. Slocombe, are you free?

I'm rather fortunate. Whenever I've been on the phones, people knew I was a person, and I don't think I ever got a caller like that. Of course, I'm also getting on in years, and may have repressed them.

[BlaqueKatt]

Quoth Stormraven

Mrs. Slocombe, are you free?

if you mean unfettered by the mortal coil-then yes she is....

[smileyeagle1021]

Quoth NightWatch

No, I really not this mean to the people who call into my work, I'm just venting some of the more frustrating stuff I deal with.

I'm really tired of this:

Me: Opening spiel that is very polite and professional and includes my first name.
SC: Ogden.
Me: Excuse me?
SC: Ogden!
Me: ????

That one is probably partially my fault... you know how the people up there are, they see a gay couple walking hand in hand and they all in unison have a heart attack... they will clutch desperately for their phones and dial dispatch... but those poor souls, with their hearts under so much strain and in so much pain are unable to get anything out other than their location and a prayer that maybe just maybe someone will know what it is they need

Quoth NightWatch

PS: When I answer the phone and you just say:
SC: Hi! This is John Smith.....
.

oh, I hate it when people do that at the hotel... especially since there are only 4 people who could call up and say that and have us actually know why it is they are calling just off their name... and those 4 are all smart enough not to do it though.

[EricKei]

Quoth Primer

I would then have to tell 911 that this was NOT an emergency.

We don't have a choice about that here. In my district, 911 is the ONLY public police phone number, and people are instructed to use it for ALL police calls, emergency or not. That being said, I make sure to point out that I'm calling for a non-emergency as the first thing I do.