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That mythical store, Everywhere Else

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  • That mythical store, Everywhere Else

    Let's get this one rolling again.

    The Everyplace Else (EE) bookstore:
    --has an inventory system that is not only searchable by title (including words like A, An, The etc) and author, but also by dominant cover color.
    --sentient shelves that will bring an entire section to you no matter where in the store you are seated, and reshelve the books after you've finished throwing them everywhere.
    --a printing press in the basement to immediately whip out a copy of any book the customer may be looking for, even if it is long out of print (the press is staffed by psychics who can channel the authors of out-of-print books).
    --the printing press can also change existing cover art if the customer wants it.
    "I am quite confident that I do exist."
    "Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up." The Doctor

  • #2
    Ahh yes the Everyplace else brand, also known as the Everywhere else brand.

    Owned of course by the great and all knowing "someone" who has mystical and magical powers. He can locate out of stock items from a bodily oriface, he can discount stock at whim, he can give birth to instantly grown and trained cashiers AND single handedly build extra checkouts in 5 seconds flat.

    Not only that but he has the super power of invisibility, he can appear to customers but never to staff, he has no nametag but is commonly referred to as "someone said I could do this" "someone said you had this" "someone said you would discount this"

    Oh how id love to meet this god like "someone" in this store "everyplace else" and give him a swift kick in his patoot!!!
    I wasnt put on this earth to make you feel like a man ~ Mary Bertone

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    • #3
      At the Everywhere Else pharmacy, they will break state and/or federal laws and allow you to buy as many boxes of psuedoephedrine products as you want, without having to show an ID or sign a log book.
      Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

      "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

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      • #4
        At the "Everywhere Else" supermarket, no-one ever has to queue cuz all a supervisor has to do is wave a magic wand and new tills appear! With cashiers too!

        Plus, no-one ever cards you, no matter how young you look; and excuses like "I am 18 cuz I have kids" and "I'll tell my mate to ring you and tell you I'm 18" will be accepted automatically.

        Also, cashiers will laugh maniacally at your feeble jokes, ie "It must be free!".
        People who don't like cats were probably mice in an earlier life.
        My DeviantArt.

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        • #5
          Everyplace Else Computers, Ltd.:

          --will happily install Windows XP on your 286! If you say it will work, then it must work as you "pay our salaries" after all!
          --Yup, you caught us, antivirus/antispyware software is only meant to make us money and doesn't actually do anything.
          --As with updates of anything else. If you think something from 1988 should still work, then it will work. Really.
          --Technicians take a page from the Ninja Burger handbook, and will commit seppuku with a sharpened flash drive if you are not completely satisfied with the quality of the repair/you felt we did not properly read your mind.
          --We will buy your POS for the same price you paid for it in 1985.
          Last edited by Dreamstalker; 07-14-2006, 12:41 AM.
          "I am quite confident that I do exist."
          "Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up." The Doctor

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          • #6
            Everywhere Else Labs
            -Never puts you on hold, ever because they know customer service
            -Doesnt require you to create an account if you are new, they'll just take your what you say as fact and never question it.
            -Produces thouhsands of bottles of vitamins and prescription medicines in an hour and has it delievered the same day (has us beat by weeks)
            -Can find your information when you tell them it's me. thats always enough to know what company you work for.
            -Can whip you up a pizza,sub,anything you want in their foyer, and without prior notice.
            -Those $10,000 you owe them, water under the bridge. They have no need for the money.
            -They sell pallets of product for $5 a pallet. So those 1000 pallets they made you will come cheap.
            KAHN: I thought being smart person in Texas set her apart.

            KAHN: If my girl doesn't wrestle, I'll show you who put the sue in Souphanousinphone!

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            • #7
              Also at the Everywhere Else Pharmacy, it contains items such as:
              Milk
              Beer
              Liqour
              Lotto
              Stamps

              Even though these items have nothing to do with pharmacuticals.
              "I've found that when you want to know the truth about someone, that someone is probably the last person you should ask." - House

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              • #8
                Also, at Everyplace Else Computers, Ltd

                -We don't charge for service fees because, after all, we're just dicking around on your computers, the same way mechanics dick around on cars.
                -Of course, we'll upgrade for free. After all, the parts are all the same, plus or minus a transistor or two.
                -Also, everything on your computer is completly our fault. We know you would never do anything less then stellar on it.
                Burn the land and boil the sea, you can't take the sky from me!

                I like big bots and I cannot lie.

                Comment


                • #9
                  E-Mart or Everywhere Else Mart
                  - Never runs out of stock of anything, Even on the most popular items five minutes before the store closes on the last day of a sale.
                  - Employees get more cheerful and helpful the more you yell at them.
                  - Willing to accept EBT cards for items like TVs, and video games.
                  - Always closes an hour late, just for you. Because they know you're special.
                  "I don't have an anger problem I have an idiot problem!" - Hank Hill

                  When in deadly danger, when beset by doubt, run around in little circles, wave your arms and shout!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Everywhere Else Tire:

                    Will let you take carts home

                    Will honor expired rainchecks

                    Coupons: Just because it's expired doesn't mean it's not still valid

                    Will match the prices of our competitors, even if it's a completely different product!

                    There's never a line for anything at Everywhere Else

                    If there is a line at customer service, the cashier can process returns for you because you are too good to stand in line

                    If the cashier refuses because of some lame ass excuse like "I can't process the returns here" or "my computer is not set up to do returns," all you have to do is yell at them and complain the line is too long

                    Cashiers (not managers) make the schedules, so it's their fault if there aren't enough cashiers

                    Cashiers have the ability to clone themselves to make more cashiers. The clones are subsequently destroyed when the line dies down, unless they can't figure out which the original is. In that case, they fight to the death because in theory the original cashier should have the ability to beat a copy
                    free from the evil clutches of crappy tire

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                    • #11
                      Quoth IhateCrappyTire
                      Cashiers have the ability to clone themselves to make more cashiers. The clones are subsequently destroyed when the line dies down, unless they can't figure out which the original is. In that case, they fight to the death because in theory the original cashier should have the ability to beat a copy
                      Ok, now that would be pretty cool.
                      Burn the land and boil the sea, you can't take the sky from me!

                      I like big bots and I cannot lie.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Quoth Ringtail Z28
                        E-Mart or Everywhere Else Mart
                        - Employees get more cheerful and helpful the more you yell at them.
                        They don't? I know I do... Kill 'em with kindness.
                        "I call murder on that!"

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                        • #13
                          Quoth Juwl
                          They don't? I know I do... Kill 'em with kindness.
                          Umm, two words extra in there.
                          When people yell at me if I can't fix their problem, I get very calm, almost serene. Anyone who really knows me knows this is a danger warning. Pressed much past this point and I'll let loose hard enough (verbally) to knock them over to "Everywhere Else"
                          I'm lucky though, I just work at movie theatres, and they're all just similar enough that you can't really pull the "but everywhere else they..." and if they do, I use to work for the other company, so I can tell them exactly how full of it they are
                          Ba'al: I'm a god. Gods are all-knowing.

                          http://unrelatedcaptions.com/45147

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                          • #14
                            But this is only x.xx at (insert local grocery). Ok, so walk your lazy azz another block down the road and buy it there. This is a convenience store, you pay extra for not waiting in a long line(unless somebody has a buttload of change) or walking a few extra feet. We don't order in bulk like the big stores do, so we can't give the same prices. If you look closely, prices are only 10-15c different. I shop in the same stores you do and I know this. If you are that worried about a few cents, you need more help than I can give you.
                            USN Retired

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                            • #15
                              Plus, complaining about a till being closed will make the cashier change their mind about going home and instead serving you. Cuz to the cashiers at Everywhere Else, serving customers is their life and they don't have homes to go to!
                              People who don't like cats were probably mice in an earlier life.
                              My DeviantArt.

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