Nothing Like an Inheritance to Bring Out the Worst in People

[Misty]

Background: My grandfather died last May. My grandmother died five years ago, so that left their three daughters (my mom and her two younger sisters) to settle the estate. My mom has had power of attorney for the last ten years.

My grandfather left a sizable estate, and he was barely in the ground when the squabbling began. The biggest arguments were over material things ("Dad promised me the antique silverware and china!"), and the sale of the house. However, most of the trouble is being caused by my mom's sister Leslie, the middle child. She has completely flipped out; I won't bore you with the details, but she has become so mean and nasty that it's like some evil witch has killed my aunt and taken her place.

Before my grandfather died mom and her sisters all got along pretty well, and worked together for years to take care of their parents (there were fights, but nothing too serious). But now... now things are so bad that my mom and her sisters hardly speak; mom used to go to Leslie's every Christmas for brunch, but last year she skipped it for the first time in 15 years. The whole ordeal has aged my mom terribly.

My grandparents were always so kind and generous with their family that I feel this is a slap in the face to their memory.

[Aethian]

Were their no wills?

[calulu]

Even with a will sometimes there is still squabbling, especially when one sibling is upset that that the other is executor.

You have my sympathies and prayers because there's no advice I can give. I went through something similar when my father died 12 years ago and left a sizable estate. One of his two sisters went nuts and started trying to sue for the entire estate. Drug me through court for five years by claiming that I shouldn't inherit because I wasn't his natural child (I am) and other ridiculous trumped up shit. I found out quickly why my father always said she was crazy.

[CaroPhoenix]

Even with a will sometimes there is still squabbling, especially when one sibling is upset that that the other is executor.

THIS. Mr. Rum is the executor of his parents' wills (that is, if they both die at the same time, if not, then MIL is FIL's executor and FIL is MIL's executor). We've been told under no circumstances that we can tell BIL#1 and BIL#2 that he is the executor. They'd freak out and demand the wills be changed.

[protege]

We've been told under no circumstances that we can tell BIL#1 and BIL#2 that he is the executor. They'd freak out and demand the wills be changed.

Good idea!

I have a feeling that when my 92-year-old grandmother passes on, things are going to get nasty between her kids. Specifically, my uncle and aunt...getting pissed that my mother is really in charge of things. Well, considering that neither of them come home more than once a year, and my mother is closest...it's not surprising she was put in charge of Grandma's affairs. After Grandma's house was sold a few years back, I told my mother to put the cash into a trust...simply so her siblings can't get their hands on it. That way, there would be money available for Grandma's long-term care, which doesn't come cheap.

All too often, people see an inheritance as a "right" instead of a "privilege." That is, just because your father/mother/grandmother is wealthy, they don't *have* to leave you jack shit. They could leave you a penny, and give their entire estate to charity I've always seen it as "if I get something nice, fine. If I don't, it's not the end of the world."

I have heard rumors that one of my aunts would like to leave me everything. That is, her house, the cars, land, etc. Why? Well, her daughter married a rather wealthy real-estate broker, and as such, "has no need for things." Plus, I'm probably the only relative who has anything to do with my aunt. It's not that she's a bad person, but a bit "hard to take." She can be a bit annoying at times, but she means well. But, if she does leave me everything, I'm sure her daughter will, to quote Lethal Weapon 4, "shit kittens."

[gremcint]

there was another thread somewhere here that suggested not having the funeral reception at the deceased's house so things don't dissapear.

[calulu]

and have a trusted friend or neighbor housesit during the visitation, funeral and post funeral reception elsewhere....

When my grandmother died and we were at the mortuary Crazy Aunt was at the house raiding the antiques and jewelry.

When my father was buried in New Orleans someone broke into the house and stole things.

[Sliceanddice]

when my uncle Marleen died we all thought there wasnt goign to be any trouble.
He basically left X amount of stuff to his lover who had his own property to move back to, and the rest to his daughter who prombtly divided stuff among the family at their desire. we all took like 15 things each who where in town and i believe others out sid eof town recieved some items too. the only exceptions where the ties. almost all 1000 (yes 1 and three 0s) went to his brother with about 10 to my brother and 10 to another cousin. My great uncle took them because like his siblings hes a horder and he also works with missionarys and know plenty of young men who need ties.
the rest where sold in a three day eastate sale that turned one week because his house was PACKED.

a month after every thing was finally packed, shipped, sold and the house was sold his lover call up the daughter LIVID because he desided that he deserved everything. which wasnt in the will that they both worked out and agreed on.
he was screaming that we, who loved him cheated him because we where bigots and took advantage of the fact he couldnt speak english well.

[poofy_puff]

I'm going through an exact same sort of similar thing and it's very hard to read this thread without stopping every few lines to write "me too" "me three".

[taxguykarl]

The biggest arguments were over material things ("Dad promised me the antique silverware and china!"), and the sale of the house.

What a damn shame that these supposed adults can't get along. Who was to get what? Or was your mother (the grandfather's executor, I presume?) supposed to divide the estate evenly.

and have a trusted friend or neighbor housesit during the visitation, funeral and post funeral reception elsewhere....
When my father was buried in New Orleans someone broke into the house and stole things.

That's a classic burglary technique--read the obits for a promising target and hit the house when the family is away at the funeral.

his lover call up the daughter LIVID because he desided that he deserved everything. which wasnt in the will that they both worked out and agreed on.
he was screaming that we, who loved him cheated him because we where bigots and took advantage of the fact he couldnt speak english well.

Even with a will there will be arguing--the only difference is that the disinherited relatives have a more uphill battle for a piece of the estate. Don't believe me, read up on Anna Nichole Smith's probate saga.

Full disclosure: I am my mother's executor (she's a widow--my dad died in '01) and the will says 50-50 with my sister after expenses liquidating the estate. My wife and BIL are co-executors for their mother--Mrs. TGK's flaky niece (BIL's daughter) has been demanding (yes, demanding) that MIL leave her the house. Why? I can't say--her drama deserves its own thread.

As MIL's will presently reads (I know because I prepared it using a software and had my lawyer review it), the executors are to liquidate everything (nothing of sentimental value so no loss there), pay off her debts and funeral expenses and divide it evenly among the three siblings. I hope neither situation causes animosity; however, especially with MIL's will I wouldn't bet the mortgage money on that happy situation.

[calulu]

I got some significant ownage on the Crazy Aunt. When she ransacked my grandmother's jewelry box she left behind all this older stuff she judged as 'junk' and it turned out to be worth far more than the things she took. I got the rest which included an Art Deco platinum dematoid garnet necklace (very rare, worth more than my house!), a long string of large real pearls with an Art Deco clasp set with diamonds and rubies and assorted broken jewelry I had reset, like a matched pair of 1 carat natural emeralds, some pink sapphires, blue sapphires, tanzanites and alexandrites. She had no clue what she was leaving behind and I got it all.

[Sliceanddice]

First Calulu- NICE!

Full disclosure: I am my mother's executor (she's a widow--my dad died in '01) and the will says 50-50 with my sister after expenses liquidating the estate. My wife and BIL are co-executors for their mother--Mrs. TGK's flaky niece (BIL's daughter) has been demanding (yes, demanding) that MIL leave her the house. Why? I can't say--her drama deserves its own thread.

Second- you cant say something like that and not deliver the thread!!!

[gremcint]

Right now I'd probably leave everything to my sister, my parents are old and well I don't have much they would need, my sister can divide my roleplaying stuff among my firends and honestly I don't have that many really cool heirlooms that I care about. Though my stargate collection better go to someone who'll enjoy it, all 10 seasons of sg1, 1st 4 seasons of sga, all three movies, sg1 roleplaying book, sg1 boardgame, sg1 coffee mugs, and currently eyeing those stargate coasters on thinkgeek.

[Jester]

It's situations like these that prompted my mom and stepfather to talk to all five of us (me, Lil Sis, The Witch (older sister), Superfreak (stepsister), and Cessna (stepbrother)) and see what items of theirs were important to us, and then they would make a list of who gets what.

Now, the folks aren't at all wealthy...most of this stuff is just a matter of sentimental or aesthetic value. And while there were a few things I did want, only four that I absolutely wanted. Two of which are pretty much guaranteed to me (one a drawing by my mom's father that he made specifically for me, so there can be no argument there, and one a beautiful chess set that I already have the matching chess table to), and two of which that I might get some argument from my sisters. One of those, though, would be unrealistic for my little sister to take, as it weighs over 100 pounds and she lives in England. Which leaves my older sister, but I believe she didn't ask for it. It's the fourth item that would cause the most friction, I believe: my father's wedding ring. Lil Sis has my mom's engagement ring that he gave her way back in the Fifties....as his only son, I believe that that, the only piece of jewelery I have any desire for, is my birthright. I have no doubt, though, that the sisters may well disagree. Most of the rest of the stuff I put a "claim" on are things I won't fight about, so if The Witch wants to be horrible, fuck her, she can have whatever it is. (There should be very few arguments, if any, between myself and my sisters, and our stepsiblings, as pretty much anything with any sentimental value is either Stepdad's or Mom's, not both. Their shared stuff is mostly furniture and appliances.)

In any case, I am not looking forward to the almost inevitable arguments with The Witch, but whatever. As I said, few things I am going to argue majorly over. And, whichever of my parents dies first, the other one is the executor, and unlike The Witch, both are very level-headed people.

As for me, since Princess's dad's funeral, I've been realizing I really need to get my will together. Not that I have a lot of assets (I don't), but there ARE certain things I want done (funeral arrangements, etc.), and I don't want people arguing over "what Jester would have wanted." And to make sure things are carried out the way I DO say, I am having my one friend named executor. She is not only a lawyer, she is the kind of person that can put her emotions aside and follow things through as I indicate, and she won't take shit from anyone about it. The kind of person you WANT as an executor.

Not, mind you, that I intend on checking out anytime soon. But then, most people don't exactly PLAN on that.

...her drama deserves its own thread.

Well, then....thread away! We LOVE drama around here!

[Evil Queen]

My grandmother has an antique clock that my grandfather (rest peacefully papa) brought back from Germany. Truly, that is all I want, The clock supposedly doesn't work anymore but that's not why I want it.

Supposedly, I get the house when my grandmother passes away and 2 of the 7 acres of land. Honestly? I have no need or desire to ever return to North Carolina so I'd more then likely just sell the house and use the cash for charity work.

No, I'm not a nice person. I just have no need for it. (Though, depending on the amount, I may just pay off my house with it)