Each Sunday I brave the vortex of psychosis that is the public laundromat so that I may have clean clothes in which to go to work.
There's a bunch of regulars who are mostly sane, like myself, and then there are the others.
This is my one encounter for this week's laundry. I walk in, get a washer, load it up with quarters, soap, bleach, and start it. So far, so good. However, I used liquid soap and managed to get a couple drops on my hand. No biggie, I'll just go use the sink.
There is a bench near the sink with a girl, maybe 10 or so, sitting on it. Standing next to her, and completely blocking access to the sink (which is set back in the wall) is a guy who looks to be in his early 40s talking to the girl, presumably his daughter.
So our case is Me, the Girl, and Mr. Laundry Bully himself.
Me: Excuse me, sir. *pointing to the sink with my blue dotted soapy hand.*
LB: *ignores me while talking to his daughter*
Me: Pardon me, could I use the sink.
LB: *glares at me*
Girl: *grinning* You should go f--- off, my daddy doesn't like you.
Sir, just let me use the sink to rinse off, please.
LB: *think Larry the Cable Guy accent. Oy.* You heard my babygirl. Go f--- off.
Me: This isn't going to end the way you think it is going to end. Now how about you show a basic level of common civility and move the f--- out of my way.
LB: *shouting* Hey! Don't you f---ing swear in front of my f---ing little girl, c---sucker!
Me: Pots and kettles, Captain Hypocrite.
Me: Seriously. You're an adult. Act like it and let me use the sink behind you.
Girl: Kick his a--, daddy!
Me: *glare at her, then back at him*
LB: Yeah, I think I will. *puffs his chest out and steps up to me* Now go f--- yourself f--got or I'll f--- you up.
Me: *And we've got a winner. Cue cold eyed death glare taught to me by a guy who used to be US Army Special Forces* Look, f---face, this is gonna one of two ways. Either you let me wash the soap off my hands or I kick your ass and then I wash your blood off my hands. But don't worry, I'll let you swing first. That way the security video will show I curbstomped you in self defense. So bring it, s--- for brains.
LB: *Gets a bit pale. Looks at camera, looks back at me.* F--- YOU! *drags his daughter off the bench and storms out*
Girl: *as she's being dragged out* Daddy! Wait! NOOOOO! I wanna watch you kick his a--! You said you'd let me watch the next time you f---ed up a f--got!
Me: Oh, that's some classy parenting right there! *Maybe I should get his license plate and call the police/DSS*
Oy. On the bright side, it was funny when I later was standing in front of his dryer (by accident) while talking to the owner and LB stood there a good 10 minutes waiting for me to move, rather than ask to get by to get his laundry. I had a good laugh at him when I realized what had happened.
The Crazy is strong with this one
And then the story the owner shared with me, which I missed, for a change.
It seems that earlier in the week, a woman came in and had a fist fight with another customer about whose clothes were actually in the dryer. A quick review of the tapes showed the sane customer put the clothes in the dryer and got the crazy lady arrested for assault as well as trespassed from the laundromat.
Two days later, crazy lady comes back
and pulls the same shit again with some other woman. Except that when J (the owner) came out of the office she shrieks, flings the contents of her purse across the floor and runs out the door. Taking off in her car and tearing out of the parking lot.
J gets the other woman settled down while waiting on the police and collects the crazy lady's stuff from the floor. Including her wallet.
Police arrive, take custody of her stuff and are getting statements from the victim when the crazy lady comes back by sneaking through the back door.
J says when he watched the video later, she was crawling on her hands and knees looking under the benches and washers, presumably for her wallet and other assorted purse stuffing. In the meantime, J's wife had stopped by with their dog, who went apeshit barking at the crazy lady on the floor. Good dog.
Crazy lady jumps to her feet, shrieks, throws her car keys at the dog and goes running out the back door.
The police collect her keys, then go out to find that she's locked herself in her car. Needless to say, they were able to get her out of it, what with having the keys and all. J said that as they were putting her into the cruiser she was screaming at the top of her lungs that the police were 'raping her soul!' I'm guessing she's bound for the psych ward and not jail.
14 years ago, when I was in college, our county had the highest per capita incidence of mental illness in the world. I get the impression we're still number one.
Maybe I should invite Lupo and Gravekeeper for a visit and see how many they can attract. Think I can get a grant for that kind of research study?