I'm Sorry, You Must Have Me Confused With a Discount Store....

[Jester]

As many of you know, in addition to being a bartender, I am also a professional magician. I do closeup magic (cards and stuff) and am occasionally hired to perform at private parties.

I got a call from a colleague ("Ed") today about such a party that this woman had originally booked with another colleague of ours ("Hawk"). Well, Hawk flaked out for some reason, and says he can't do the party. The woman got a hold of Ed and was rather frantic, as apparently on the invites or fliers for this party it says that there will be a magic show at a specific time. Ed can't do that party, as he will be out of town that day. So he calls me, gives me the lowdown and her number, which I notice has also called me today, though she did not leave a message.

I get a hold of this woman ("Mrs. Grin"). I explain my reservations about this party (kids aged 4-6--most of what I do is cards, which doesn't always translate all that well with 4- and 5-year-olds. I explain that while I have no problem doing the show, I want to make sure that she is happy, and that normally I don't do shows for kids under the age of 6. (By 6, just about every kid is familiar with cards, and has the attention span and awareness to follow card tricks.) I also explain what I do normally for a group this size (15-20 kids), which is to gather them around a table and do a non-stop, whiz bang, knock their socks off show for 30+ minutes. I also tell her my rate for such a show, which is $200.

At which point she has a reaction similar to what you would expect if someone dropped a strawberry daiquiri on her newly mopped floor. "Oh my GOD! That much?" I refrain from telling her that she is more than welcome to try to find a magician of my quality for less money. (Since I know the other magicians on the island and know their level of ability as well as about what they charge, I know for a fact she can't possibly get anyone for less that's close to me. That is not arrogance, that is fact.)

Then she asks, "Well, can you cut me a deal?" Great. Now we're on a game show. Rather than discount myself, I ask her what kind of deal she had in mind. "How about a 45 minute show for $100?" I am normally very diplomatic with potential clients, but my reaction to this was very straightforward: "Let me see if I have this correct....you want me to do a longer show for half my usual rate?" She realizes what she has just asked me for. She tells me she will have to think about it, and get back to me tomorrow. I tell her I might be able to cut her a deal, but it would not be that deal. I also tell her that the kids will be wowed, and that my 30 minute show is usually about 30 minutes, usually a bit longer, as I don't exactly time it out. On top of that, I mention that the clown she already has coming to the party does do some magic that may be more appropriate for kids of that age range.

After getting off the phone with her, I decide that I will do the show for $150, but not a penny less. Frankly, I have better things to do with my Saturday off than deal with a bunch of kindergarteners, and while I will work out deals, I am NOT about to slash my rate in half just for someone I don't know asking me to. I'm sorry, but I have standards, and I am not going to prostitute them for some lady who's frantic for her five year old. Her emergency is not mine, and honestly, I could give two shits about this show right now.

When she calls tomorrow, I will politely offer her the $150 rate. She can take it or leave it, but I am not going below that. My name is not K-Mart, Wal-Mart, Dollar Store, or Ross. If you want my services, you are going to have to pay my rates. Not what you think you should be paying.

Honestly, the more I think about it, the less inclined I am to take this show at all. Meh. People like this annoy me.

[Seshat]

If you do the show at such short notice, you'll be doing her a favour. She should be appropriately grateful, not grumbly!

[ravevolution]

She should be aware on short notice that your cutting her a deal with your original price. Anyone else would ask for more.

[draggar]

So she wants you to do a show that is 50% longer for 50% of the price? Sounds fair.

Unless I needed the money (well, even $150 is a nice chunk of change, as long as the drive isn't too intensive) I don't think I would have budged. You know she's going to go SC on you - claiming this and that you didn't do that even though you were open with her on what you do and don't do.

If you don't already do it, I'd write up a contract spelling out everything and have her sign it before you do any tricks, just to CYOA.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I love it when people think they are doing you a favor by letting YOU be the one doing the favor for them.

It's the same thing in the graphic art world.

It has to be worth your while to roll out of bed in the morning for it. That was always my rule when I was freelancing. I since I dislike rolling out of bed in the morning, I don't do it cheap, either.

[telecom_goddess]

and here I was thinking 200 was a pretty good rate for what you described.....I've never done the magician thing for my kids' birthdays but if I did that price would not sound unreasonable to me.

[MoonCat]

I bet she won't actually call back. "I'll think about it" is usually customer-speak for "forget it."

$150 sounds more than fair, if you really want to cut her a deal. Hell, she might as well go with quality and pay the going rate at the full $200. Kids' parties are way overdone these days, but if she's going to do it, do it right.

[Amethyst Hunter]

Quoth Jester

I also tell her my rate for such a show, which is $200.

At which point she has a reaction similar to what you would expect if someone dropped a strawberry daiquiri on her newly mopped floor.

My reaction to that would have been to start slurping up the strawberry daiquiri. Hey, why waste a good drink if the floor's clean? (Plus I just like strawberry-flavor.)

"Oh my GOD! That much?"

I'd love to hear her reaction if you tacked on an extra $50 just for her freakout.

Then she asks, "Well, can you cut me a deal? How about a 45 minute show for $100?"

"Hmm, lemme think about that. How about, NO."

On top of that, I mention that the clown she already has coming to the party does do some magic that may be more appropriate for kids of that age range.

CLOWNS ARE TANGIBLE PROOF OF THE EXISTENCE OF EVIL. D:

Honestly, the more I think about it, the less inclined I am to take this show at all.

The extra money would be nice, but go with your gut. This has the foul stench of Sucky Customer written all over it.

[ArcticChicken]

Quoth Amethyst Hunter

CLOWNS ARE TANGIBLE PROOF OF THE EXISTENCE OF EVIL. D:

Somewhere out there is a study proving that children don't like clowns.

[Jester]

Quoth telecom_goddess

and here I was thinking 200 was a pretty good rate for what you described.....I've never done the magician thing for my kids' birthdays but if I did that price would not sound unreasonable to me.

It isn't at all. My friend Frank charges FAR more (more than 200% more). And he can command that kind of money because he's that good, his time is limited, and he often does out of town shows for far, far more.

Speaking of out of town shows, the one time I got flown to Vegas to do a show a few years ago, what that guy paid just in my expenses (hotel and airfare, and not even counting my fee) dwarfed what this woman would have been paying for the whole show at my full price.

To be fair, I performed for five hours at that party, but out of town shows are always more expensive. Larger fee plus the expenses, whatever they may be. Not just because of those expenses. (FYI, it's standard practice with out of town shows for the client to pay the performer's expenses, on top of whatever the fee is.) But just because of the time and travel involved, and the work one is missing on the home front. I won't tell you what the fee was for Mr. Vegas. But I will say it was obnoxious, and even after dropping a decent chunk of change while I was out there, I still put a hefty deposit in my bank account.

Damnit, I need more out of town shows!

Quoth MoonCat

I bet she won't actually call back. "I'll think about it" is usually customer-speak for "forget it."

Bonus points to MoonCat for nailing it on the head. Though she was supposed to call me back Tuesday around 8 pm, I never heard from her again. Since I really didn't want to do the show (I once did a birthday party for 5 year olds, and it was an unmitigated disaster), and have better things to do with my Saturday off, I don't mind.

Quoth MoonCat

Kids' parties are way overdone these days, but if she's going to do it, do it right.

Yep. And the amusing thing is that the clown she hired has a bit of a reputation for being a bit creepy towards the kids. We don't know of anything he's done that is illegal or wrong, but he has definitely weirded out some parents with some of his behavior, which at best could be called unprofessional, and at worst borderline pedophile-like. I won't go into details, but let's just say I would never hire this guy for a kid's party myself. I will give out his number to potential clients, but only if they are looking specifically for a clown or for someone for a small child's party. I don't like doing it, but sometimes it is the best thing to do. And as I said, as far as we know, he hasn't actually done anything bad to date.

Quoth Amethyst Hunter

I'd love to hear her reaction if you tacked on an extra $50 just for her freakout.

If it gets to the point that I have to tack on a Stupid Fuckhead Tax, I just won't do the show. *shrug* It's not always about the money.

Quoth ArcticChicken

Somewhere out there is a study proving that children don't like clowns.

Some do. Some don't. Myself, I've always been neutral. I was never scared of clowns, even as a small child, but neither did I adore them as some children do. And don't be misled by all the clown haters out there....there ARE kids who truly love the goofy fuckers. To each their own.