Things we would like customers to know - please feel free to add

[BeenThereDoneThat]

(Mods, if this thread is in the wrong section please move it - thanks )

I've been meaning to start this for a while now. I know some customers will NEVER read signs, or policies in catalogs or websites or in e-mails, and even if they do they will be sucky about it anyway. I want to start a list of things we wish our customers knew, in case it might avoid suckiness on their part. We're all human, and sometimes people do get escalated over things that might have been avoided if they'd known better. I'm going to post a few to get the ball rolling...some apply to just about anything, and others pertain more to my line of work or my company/client in particular. Here goes...

• If you want a supervisor or a manager, please ask for one in exactly THAT FASHION. Some companies, like mine, are really picky about letting us transfer calls where the customer hasn't specifically mentioned the magic words. Now, if a customer just calls in asking for a supervisor, and you think you can de-escalate them, sure, go ahead and try...it might just work. But if they insist or if problems develop later in the call, it would be so nice if they just asked to speak to someone above your level without hinting around at it.
• READ THE RETURN POLICIES. For that matter, read ALL our policies BEFORE you buy. If you are in a store, ask the store associates (although that's a whole other rant for me). If you are looking in a catalog or on the web, all of our policies are clearly posted there. If you're not sure, call us and ask. It really would save us all a LOT of heartache...and don't assume we will bend the rules for you, I don't care who you are.
• If you don't get an order confirmation or shipment confirmation within 24 hours, please call us and make sure your order went through and everything is on track. We'd be happy to resend the e-mails if necessary. Also, add our company's domain name to your safe senders/contacts lists so our messages don't go to junk mail...and check your junk mail!
• Sometimes the payment issue you are having is really your bank screwing you over and not us. One example is authorization holds. We do sometimes reach out to a card to make sure it has enough funds to cover the transaction before we send anything out, but the amount can vary...and banks vary GREATLY on how much time they will let that hold sit there until they choose to remove it. Also, at least in the US, the bank has 3-5 business days to put a credit we have issued back into your account and onto your statement. WE CANNOT CHANGE THIS.
• While we're on the subject of payment methods...debit cards are a royal pain in the ass, especially for stores like ours where the typical charge is well over $100. If you can't afford to deal with your bank's policies regarding debit cards, daily limits, auth holds, etc., then DON'T use a debit card when ordering with us. Stick with credit or go to a store and pay with a check.

I'm sure I'll have others to add, but this is a good start. I'd love to see what the rest of you have to offer.

[ralerin]

-Extreme couponing costs us money. Plain and simple. We get back only a certain percent of that coupon, which is part of the reason why prices are on the rise.

-Read the coupons and rewards! I am tired of explaining "Oh, you need to buy $x of these products to qualify.

-If it does not below in the toilet, don't flush it. This includes tampons, rubber gloves, sanitary napkins, paper towels, crack pipes, heroin needles, liquor bottles and so on.

-If you want something, ask. I am not a dog. I do not come when you snap your fingers, whistle, yell "hey!" or scream "you!" I have a name. A polite "excuse me" will work fine. Likewise, if I approach you and ask if you'd like anything, a polite "no thank you" will work. Not "fuck off", not "no!!!" not a rude retort in your native language.

-The cashiers are not pharmacists. If I don't know about the medicine, I will tell you to ask the pharmacist. A rude "you're no help!!!" will get you nothing except rolled eyes. I am being plenty helpful by telling you I am not pharmacy board certified and do not know all your medications and whatnot.

-Likewise, do not lie to the pharmacists. It is wise to not piss off the people who you give money to for your precious medications.

[Kitten in the box]

Also:

* If the recepticle says Recyclable Bags it DOES NOT mean your garbage. We have garbage bins OUTSIDE for your use. Also refrain trying to commit murder by giving us death glares or cat butt faces.

* If you need help do not clap your hands and stomp your feet. What are we theose clapper lights??

* You DO know tamponsm, paper towels, nasty underware does NOT belong in our toilets right?

*Do not whistle to get my attention. I WILL think you are calling your dog and I will NOT respond.

*speaking of dogs ONLY service animals are allowed in the establishment. NO EXCEPTIONS!! I DO NOT CARE how small the dog is or how cute it is.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

When calling the store to try to save yourself a trip, keep in mind we'll take care of the customers inside our store, who actually made the trip out, first. We'll get to you as soon as we can.

Yeah, refusing to break up your order into multiple different transactions probably makes us "coupon-unfriendly". It also keep the 99.99% of our customers who aren't extreme couponers from unduly long waits in the checkout lines.

Read your coupons. And ads. Also the return policy.

Do not depend on the online store for product availability at one of our stores. Call the store to confirm--but be aware we might not get to you so quickly because of the first item on this list.

[BeenThereDoneThat]

Oh yeah, that's one I forgot.

We don't have walk-in customers but we do have people calling in (you know, because we're a call center). Their calls trump any callouts we may need to make, with rare exceptions. So if I tell you I will follow up with you in 24-48 hours, and I don't, it's most likely because I HAD NO TIME. And again, this is not the customer's fault...I have to say I'll call them back in a certain timeframe, even if I know there is a good chance it won't happen. It's a stupid policy and IMO we should be allowed paid time during our regular work hours to work on our followups without having to take any calls. Now THAT would be good customer service IMO. I get pissed when people promise to call me back and don't, too. *sigh*

[Android Kaeli]

-- Please understand that if someone says we are out of a certain product by just glancing at it, then 8 out of 10 times we ARE out of it.

-- We have NO backstock in the backroom, if we did then we would not be able to take in any more weekly trucks. So please don't ask if we have it in the back, this is a small craft store -- not Wally World.

-- I have been here X amount of years, I have now seen at least fourteen Store Managers and Assistant Store Manager come and go. The only persons that has seen more SM/ASM's leave is two other co-workers. Calling for an SM that hasn't been seen in four years and telling me that, yes, that SM is STILL working in this store will cause me to laugh in your face. I KNOW who our current SM and ASM are, thank you.

-- Again I have been working at this store for X amount of years. Yarn has never been and never will be on the left side of the store, it has always been on the right side and will stay there unless there is a massive store-wide reset. I had one of the two people who have been here longer then me verify that on the same night.

[RealUnimportant]

From the UK rail industry:

• Know where you are. This may seem like an obvious statement, but judging from some people, it's not as simple as it seems...
• Know where you're going. See previous explanation.
• If you're entitled to any discounts, mention them at the start of the ordering process as it affects everything from then on. Even if you don't have the proof in your hand, telling us about it now can save time later & it's much easier to remove than add later.
• When asked to confirm details you've left out, don't look at me like I'm an imbecile. If I didn't need the answer, I wouldn't ask the question, and if I get this wrong then you're not going to take the blame are you?
• Seriously, know where you're going. Have some clue as to your destination (station, or at least town - not just the count(r)y!) and how to get there; no, we can't check for you, we have no national street maps nor the time/inclination to waste time doing what you should already have done. People like you make us wonder how you made it to the station in the first place!
• You're going on a day trip to the seaside? Great - buy a ticket. No, your Oyster card or local authority free travel pass won't take you there, it's about 50 miles outside your potential validity and they'll look at you in the same quizzical way you're looking at me now if you try & present it there, just before they slap you with a fine for travelling without a ticket.
• Have everything in hand when you reach the counter, be it discounts, Oyster cards, money, or credit/debit cards. You know you're going to need them so there's no excuse not to have them out ready, especially if you've been queuing behind other people who're holding the line up because they didn't have their sh*t together either.
• Stop asking for "the cheapest" fare to [destination within walking distance]. I know you've been watching those shock docs on how people get hideously overcharged, but in reality we usually only have 1 or 2 fares for any route, and you will automatically be given the cheapest available. If you wanted to get a real bargain, you should have booked online last month - oh, but [destination within walking distance] never has those kinds of fares because it's so close. You could just walk...?
• We're not a supermarket, we don't do price matching. If you saw a cheaper fare last week online, you should have bought it there & then; it's no longer available from any retailers because the allotment of tickets at that price has sold. Tough luck.

... and relax!

[Kristev]

You know what happens if you walk on a wet floor? You might slip. And yeah, I'd do everything in my power to prevent you from having lawsuit grounds. So stay off my floor! I don't know where your shoes have been!

[Moirae]

- When you book a hotel room, we take a credit card. Yes, the hotel will put a hold on your card for a certain amount. No, I don't know how much it will be because its up to the hotel itself. The money will be held for different times varying with the bank. We do not have control over that and it does not matter what the teller at your bank says. The bank will release the money on its own time, so make sure you have enough to cover your whole trip.

- The proper place for pool tables and chairs is in the pool area, not in the elevator. Your team breaks the mirrors putting them in there? You pay for it. Especially when you signed a contract to that effect when you agreed to bring your team into the hotel.

- When you call to make a reservation, know whether you are part of a group or a team, the exact dates you want, and how many guests there will be, and say it immediately when you call, please don't make me play 20 questions just to find out what dates you're interested in staying.

[XCashier]

Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh

When calling the store to try to save yourself a trip, keep in mind we'll take care of the customers inside our store, who actually made the trip out, first. We'll get to you as soon as we can.

OMG yes! Last week, I had an asshat rip me a new one and call me all sorts of filthy names because he phoned about the price of a certain fabric and I wouldn't ignore the people queued up at the cutting counter to immediately help him and only him.

Yes, I agree it's annoying to be kept on hold. But right before Halloween and Christmas is the busiest time of the year for a fabric store, especially one in an artsy community like this one. We're running pretty much nonstop from open to close. Think about it.