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  • Inhabitants of the Ghost Zone (Long)

    *Names are not the actual names of the customers*
    Lunch Lady
    SC: Yes, deary. I’m calling to ask if I could change a few things in my tour package.
    Me: Of course you may, however, I am going to have to charge you a $xxx fee.
    SC: WHAT?! THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE!
    Holy Zeus! Who changed the menu?
    Me: Ma’am, the fee is refundable if you decide to go with that new package.
    SC: Oh, it is? Well, thank you, deary! You’re so sweet!

    Box Ghost
    SC: I am a doctor! I should not have to pay this ridiculous rate!
    Me: I’m terribly sorry, sir, but this is the cheapest rate I can give you.
    SC: I am a doctor! I save lives, you know!
    Me: And I thank you very much for your work, sir, but there is still nothing I can do about the rate.
    SC: I am a doctor!
    Thanatos, I need a favor from you…

    Ember McLaine
    SC: This is unacceptable! It’s completely dark here, my room’s a mess, the staff here is nothing but rude, as an upcoming rock star, I demand to be treated better than this!
    Me: Ma’am, if you would like, I can transfer you to another hotel, but you will have to pay for the cost of the new one.
    SC: Absolutely not! I am not paying for crappy service! You should have thought better than to book me in this hellhole! I demand to be transferred to another hotel for free!
    Me: I’m terribly sorry, ma’am, but that is not possible.
    SC: Well, then make it possible, bitch!
    Me: If you continue to insult me, I will terminate this call.
    SC: You know what? Fine! I don’t care! But before you do, I certainly hope you remember my name, because I will certainly remember your company, and when I become a famous rock star, I’ll tell all of my fans how horrible you people are! Hangs up.

    Sydney Poindexter
    SC: Well, I don’t think I should have to pay this much for a cruise!
    Me: Sir, I’ve given you every kind of discount I can. The rate is as low as it can be.
    SC: I don’t believe you! You just trying to swindle me out of my money, you big bully!
    Seriously? That’s the best you can do?
    Me: I’m sorry you feel that way, sir.
    SC: No you don’t! Bullies are never sorry for their crimes! I’m going to tell all of friends about how much of a bully you guys are! Hangs up.

    Johnny 13 & Kitty
    Female: What do you mean you don’t handle flights? I want to book a flight to Athens now!
    Me: Ma’am, you are going to have to contact an airline about booking a flight. We do hotels, tours, and cruises. We do not handle airline travel.
    Female: Why not?! I want to book a flight to Athens!
    Me: Ma’am, we are not an airline. We cannot book a flight to Athens for you.
    Female: Johnny! Deal with this stupid bitch!
    Male: What do you mean you won’t sell us tickets to Athens! We’ve got money!
    Me: Sir, I’m sorry, but I cannot sell you airline tickets because I do not work for an airline.
    Male: Well then, why in the hell are you selling people trips to Greece if you can’t get us to Greece?!
    Me: Sir, the only thing I can do for you is give you the number to an airline so that you can book your trip. That is it.
    Male: Fine, then! What’s the number?
    Me: *Gives number*
    Male: Thanks for nothing, asshole! Hangs up

    Skulker
    SC: What kind of game can you shoot there?
    Me: I’m sorry?
    SC: I said what kind of game can you shoot in Greece?
    Me: I’m terribly sorry, sir, but I wouldn’t know anything about that.
    SC: Do you know somebody who does?
    Me: No, I’m terribly sorry, sir.
    SC: *Grumbles* What’s the point of going somewhere if you can’t shoot something? Hangs up.

    Walker
    SC: I want to change my package.
    Me: We can certainly do that, sir, however, I am going to have to charge you a $xxx fee.
    SC: What?! You can’t charge me any fees I didn’t agree to! That’s against the law! I’m a police officer! I know what I’m talking about!
    Me: I’m sure you do, sir, but if you want to change your tour package, I am going to have to charge a $xxx fee that is completely refundable if you decide to go with that package.
    SC: And what if I don’t want to go with that package?
    Me: Then, we can’t refund it to you.
    SC: What?! What do you mean you won’t refund my money?! You have to refund my money! Refusing to do so is against the law! I’m a lawyer! I know what I’m talking about!
    Me: I’m terribly sorry, sir, but that is our policy, which is clearly written on our website.
    SC: You can’t just make up a policy like this! That’s against the law! I’m a judge! I know what I’m talking about!

    Undergrowth
    SC: I’d like to make a complaint!
    Me: Yes, sir?
    SC: There’s too many people here!
    My Brain: *Screech!*
    SC: I came to Greece to see wildlife, not people! People are the reasons we have so many problems in the world! Do you see plants having wars with each other?
    Me:…
    Um, Demeter? Persephone? I think you let one of your crazies out.
    SC: When am I going to see any wildlife around here?
    Me: Sir, you just arrived, correct?
    SC: Yes.
    Me: You’re going to destined, um, nature walk in two days. All of our customers spend two days in Athens to recover from jetlag.
    SC: Oh.

    Nocturne
    Me: And the total for your package would be around $xxxxx.
    SC: I’m wondering if maybe I could pay you in some other way.
    I certainly hope you don’t mean what I think you mean.
    Me: I’m sorry, sir, but we only accept credit card or checks.
    SC: I’m a dream interpreter.
    Me: I’m sorry?
    SC: Perhaps if I interpret your dreams, you could maybe lower the price a bit?
    Are you sane? No, wait, don’t answer that. I already know the answer.

    Desiree
    SC: You cannot possibly be serious about this rate!
    Me: I’m terribly sorry, ma’am, but the rate stands. I have counted in every discount I possibly can.
    SC: Well, you didn’t put enough! There has to be some sort of mistake! You made a mistake!
    Me: Ma’am, I have double checked everything with a calculator. There is no mistake.
    SC: Then the computer made a mistake! I do not wish to pay this ridiculous price!
    And I do not wish to be dealing with this ridiculous bitch.
    Me: I’m sorry, ma’am, but there is nothing I can do about the rate.
    SC: You can’t charge me this price unless I wish to pay for it! And I don’t!
    Me: There’s nothing I can do.
    SC: Hangs up.

    Nicolai Technus
    Me: Thank you for calling-
    SC: What the hell is this?!
    Oh joy. Another cheerful spook.
    Me: May I help you, sir?
    SC: You can explain to me this ridiculousness that you dare to call service! Where the hell is my internet?
    Internet?
    Me: Sir, I think you’ve got the wrong-
    SC: No, you’ve got the wrong idea if you think you’re going to cheat me like this! I know perfectly well what I’m talking about! I’m a computer scientist, for crying out loud! I know what plugs go where and that I’m not wrong!
    Oh really?
    Me: Sir, may I ask who you’re trying to contact?
    SC: I’m trying to contact the idiot that installed my cable! He messed up my internet!
    Me: I’m terribly sorry, sir, but you’ve called *Company That Has Nothing To Do With The Internet*
    SC:…Hangs up.

    Vlad Masters/Plasmius
    Me: And that will be $xxxxx.
    SC: And you’re sure I’ll get the loveliest suite the hotel’s got?
    Me: Everything has been arranged according to your instructions, sir.
    SC: Good! I do not want this messed up! Heaven knows how long I’ve been trying to get Maddie!
    Me: Well, I certainly hope things with you and Maddie work out splendidly.
    SC: I am sure it will. After this trip, Maddie will forget all about Jack and divorce his idiotic ass!
    Me: o.O Yes, well, will you be paying by check or credit card?
    SC: I’ll mail you a check. It’s all worth it to get Maddie to realize that I’m the man for her, not Jack! I’ve always been meant for her ever since college, you know!
    Oh, sweet mother of Zeus.
    Me: I’m sure you are, sir. If everything’s all settled then-
    SC: Oh, everything will be settled just right when Maddie’s right in my arms, just where she belongs!
    You are seriously one crazed up frootloop.

    Prince Aragon
    SC: How dare you charge me with this outrageous price! I’m an important person, you know, and I demand to be treated with respect!
    Dora: Will you stop acting like an idiot? Just pay the damned-
    SC: Shut up, Dora!
    Me: I’m terribly sorry, sir, but this the lowest I can make the rate.
    SC: Oh, please, you don’t know what the hell you’re doing! How can you, you-
    Dora: Aragon, please!
    SC: I said shut up!
    Me: Sir, this is the lowest rate I can give you.
    SC: You don’t know what you’re doing. Women never do!
    Me: Excuse me?
    SC: Get me a man!
    Dora: Just pay the damned rate!
    SC: Just shut up! And you, phone bitch, Phone bitch? get me a man! They’re the only ones that can do jobs properly.
    Me: Why, certainly, sir. *Transfers call to newbie, the only male there*
    Newbie: Hello? Okay, let me pull it up for you. What’s your name? Um… I’m not sure if I can do that. Yeah, I think… That’s as low as it can go, sir. I think that’s all the discounts that can be applied here. Let me transfer you to someone who knows how to do this better than I do. Can you hold please?
    My Phone: Ring, ring, ring! Ring, ring, ring! Phone call! Phone call!
    Me: Thank you for calling-
    SC: You again?! Damned bitch! Hangs up.

    Dr. Penelope Spectre
    SC: You do know this rate is absurdly high, right? Why, you’re practically cheating your customers.
    Me: I’m terribly sorry, ma’am, but that’s as low as I can manage.
    SC: My dear, this rate is most certainly not low. Did I do something wrong to you?
    Me: I’m sorry?
    SC: No, I’m sorry, dear, if I’ve offended you in some way to make you rise my rate up.
    Me: Ma’am I didn’t-
    SC: Or, do you do this to every customer? Do you get your revenge on them by rising up their rates?
    Me: I don’t-
    SC: Are you angry at us all? Why are you angry at us?
    See above

    Fright Knight
    SC: Do they celebrate Halloween in Greece?
    Me: I wouldn’t know that, sir.
    SC: You don’t know?! They had celebrate Halloween, or I’m not going!
    Me: Halloween is quite fun, sir, I admit.
    SC: Halloween is the only holiday worth celebrating and I shall not acquaintance myself with a country that does not celebrate it!
    Me: I’m checking Google for you now, sir.
    SC: You know what, forget it. I don’t want to take the chance. Hangs up.
    They don’t celebrate Halloween, but they do dress up in costumes and have a celebration like Halloween, only without the trick-or-treating bit.

    Dan Phantom *Warning Language*
    Oh. My. Gods. For the past two weeks this damned bastard has been calling us over a minor mistake in his travel package that had been corrected before he even found about it! Now, this bastard will call us and spend forty to sixty minutes arguing with us over every small detail in his package because *you fucking idiots fucked up once! How do I know you won’t fuck up again!* Hades help you if you misstate something, even if you correct yourself in mid-sentence. He has actually led some co-workers to tears arguing and insulting them. Now, either my boss or myself are the only ones who will deal with him.

    Phone: Ring, ring, ring! Ring, ring, ring! Phone Call! Phone Call!
    Boss&Me: *Stares in horror at the number on the phone*
    Boss: You.
    Me: No you.
    Boss&Me: *Rock Paper Scissors*
    Boss: Scissors cut paper. *Runs out of office*
    Me: *gulps* Thank you for calling *Company.* This is Princess, how may I help you?
    SC: About fucking time you picked up.
    Me: Terribly sorry for the delay, sir. How may I help you?
    SC: This hotel I’m going in Santorini? I think you fucked up the rate, as usual.
    Me: Let me see, here. *pulls up his tour package* We have you booked at the XYZ Hotel for $xxx per night.
    SC: That’s not fucking right! It should be for $yyy per night!
    Me: Sir, please calm down. I’ll see if we made a mistake.
    SC: You fucking people always make a damned mistake! What, do you have frigging monkeys in your damned office?!
    Me: Sir, please calm down. How did you come up with $yyy?
    Goes back and forth for twenty minutes, with him insulting our office the whole time, trying to figure out what complicated assmath he invented.
    Me: Sir, that’s not right. That cannot be mathematically or logically possible.
    SC: You’re bad at math, aren’t you?
    Says the idiot who told me five minutes ago that the square root of twelve was five.
    Me: Sir, I’m currently maintaining a B average in Trigonometry and Computer Science. I know what I’m talking about.
    SC: Well, then Miss Math Genius, why don’t you tell me how this price is $xxx?
    Goes on for another twenty minutes with him interrupting and insulting our company and pigeons (I’m still not sure how that part came in).
    SC: You don’t get it, do you? I’m the customer here! I decide how things go! That means you as I fucking say!
    Me: Well, that’s not how this company works, sir.
    SC: *Growls* You are really making want to scream right now, you know that, bitch?
    Let me assure you, the feeling is mutual.
    Me: If you are dissatisfied with us, sir, then by all means, feel free to go to another company.
    SC: If it weren’t for the fact that I’ve already paid you weakly brained idiots, I would! I fucking swear! You don’t humans working there, do you? You’ve got fucking monkeys! That’s the only logical explanation here!
    I swear, I’m going to kill Clockwork for letting you out.
    Me: If the hotel rate’s your only concern, for now, then there’s nothing I can do about that.
    SC: Of course you can’t. You people can never do anything the fuck right. I’m going over my tour package again, and if I find one more mistake, you can bet your ass I’ll be calling back to scream at you for it! Hangs up.
    Me: To Boss Can’t we ban his ass?
    Boss: He’s already paid for his trip and he’s leaving soon, anyway. I do not want him screaming at us for dropping him way too soon, cause then he’ll never leave us alone!
    Me: He’s not leaving us alone now!
    Boss: He goes on his trip in two weeks. When he comes back, I’m informing him we will no longer do business with him. Until then, grin and bear it.

    Anybody got a Fenton Thermos I can borrow?
    "But I don't want to be among mad people."
    You can't help that. We're all mad here. Every fucking one of us.

  • #2
    Dan Phantom *Warning Language*
    Oh gods. The nitpickiness and
    Now, this bastard will call us and spend forty to sixty minutes arguing with us over every small detail in his package because *you fucking idiots fucked up once! How do I know you won’t fuck up again!*
    sounds *just* like my boss. Except for the language. That's how I know it's not him. Otherwise I'd be falling over myself apologizing for letting him out of the office again.

    Well, that, and he went to Italy, not Greece, and I don't think it was a tour group...

    Comment


    • #3
      Danny Phantom references FTW!

      Comment


      • #4
        Those are all great, but, what, No one throwing a fit like a Nine-Year-Old that could have been Youngblood? >.>

        Comment


        • #5
          Poor Dora.
          Fiancee: We're going to need to do laundry. I'm out of clean pants.
          Me: Sounds like a job for Gravekeeper!
          Fiancee: What?!
          Me: Nevermind.

          Comment


          • #6
            Quoth Princess-Snake View Post
            Phone: Ring, ring, ring! Ring, ring, ring! Phone Call! Phone Call!
            Wasn't that the episode with the Pikachu conga line? [Yea, I miss the original Pokemon series - don't judge me!

            Comment


            • #7
              I'm still trying to figure out how the Square Root of 12 was used in calculating room rates. Ouch.

              Comment


              • #8
                Quoth Princess-Snake View Post
                Box Ghost
                SC: I am a doctor! I should not have to pay this ridiculous rate!
                And this, children, is how doctors get to be rich.

                Quoth Princess-Snake View Post
                Ember McLaine
                SC: This is unacceptable! It’s completely dark here, my room’s a mess, the staff here is nothing but rude, as an upcoming rock star, I demand to be treated better than this!
                Wonder if she tried trashing her room, and how surprised she was when the cops came along to take her to her new digs

                Quoth Princess-Snake View Post
                Sydney Poindexter

                SC: No you don’t! Bullies are never sorry for their crimes! I’m going to tell all of friends about how much of a bully you guys are! Hangs up.
                Now that's just pathetic.

                Quoth Princess-Snake View Post
                Johnny 13 & Kitty
                Female: What do you mean you don’t handle flights? I want to book a flight to Athens now!
                Princess: Because we're not general travel agents. We just do hotels, tours and cruises. In other words, the stuff you do once you get to where you are going.

                Quoth Princess-Snake View Post
                Skulker
                SC: What kind of game can you shoot there?
                SC: *Grumbles* What’s the point of going somewhere if you can’t shoot something? Hangs up.
                Uhm . . . seeing art, architecture, sampling new foods, seeing history, meeting new people, experiencing a different culture?

                Contrary to what things are like in Redneck Holler, not everyone in the world is obsessed with killing innocent animals for entertainment.

                Quoth Princess-Snake View Post
                Walker
                SC: What?! You can’t charge me any fees I didn’t agree to! That’s against the law! I’m a police officer! I know what I’m talking about!
                SC: What?! What do you mean you won’t refund my money?! You have to refund my money! Refusing to do so is against the law! I’m a lawyer! I know what I’m talking about!
                SC: You can’t just make up a policy like this! That’s against the law! I’m a judge! I know what I’m talking about!
                I bet if you'd kept the conversation going on a little longer, he would have claimed to be a sitting Supreme Court Judge

                Quoth Princess-Snake View Post
                SC: I came to Greece to see wildlife, not people! People are the reasons we have so many problems in the world! Do you see plants having wars with each other?
                She's clearly never heard of invasive species or carnivorous plants.

                Quoth Princess-Snake View Post
                Nocturne
                Me: And the total for your package would be around $xxxxx.
                SC: I’m wondering if maybe I could pay you in some other way.
                I certainly hope you don’t mean what I think you mean.
                Me: I’m sorry, sir, but we only accept credit card or checks.
                SC: I’m a dream interpreter.
                Me: I’m sorry?
                SC: Perhaps if I interpret your dreams, you could maybe lower the price a bit?
                Are you sane? No, wait, don’t answer that. I already know the answer.
                She's the one who was dreaming if she thought that would work.

                Quoth Princess-Snake View Post
                Desiree
                SC: No, you’ve got the wrong idea if you think you’re going to cheat me like this! I know perfectly well what I’m talking about! I’m a computer scientist, for crying out loud! I know what plugs go where and that I’m not wrong!
                Oh really?
                Me: Sir, may I ask who you’re trying to contact?
                SC: I’m trying to contact the idiot that installed my cable! He messed up my internet!
                Me: I’m terribly sorry, sir, but you’ve called *Company That Has Nothing To Do With The Internet*
                SC:…Hangs up.
                Amazing how such smart people can sometimes behave so stupidly.

                Quoth Princess-Snake View Post
                Vlad Masters/Plasmius
                Me: Well, I certainly hope things with you and Maddie work out splendidly.
                SC: I am sure it will. After this trip, Maddie will forget all about Jack and divorce his idiotic ass!
                Me: o.O Yes, well, will you be paying by check or credit card?
                SC: I’ll mail you a check. It’s all worth it to get Maddie to realize that I’m the man for her, not Jack! I’ve always been meant for her ever since college, you know!
                Oh, sweet mother of Zeus.
                Me: I’m sure you are, sir. If everything’s all settled then-
                SC: Oh, everything will be settled just right when Maddie’s right in my arms, just where she belongs!
                Anyway you can warn Maddie to stay away from this nut? I'm not sure she knows what's coming . . .

                Then again, she might be stringing him along. Why divorce one husband when you've got another guy on the line willing to take you on romantic trips for free? Best of both worlds there!

                *NB: I am not serious*

                Quoth Princess-Snake View Post
                Prince Aragon
                SC: You don’t know what you’re doing. Women never do!
                Princess: I can tell you I know what I'm doing when I do this. *click*

                Quoth Princess-Snake View Post
                SC: Just shut up! And you, phone bitch, Phone bitch? get me a man! They’re the only ones that can do jobs properly.
                Me: Why, certainly, sir. *Transfers call to newbie, the only male there*
                Newbie: Hello? Okay, let me pull it up for you. What’s your name? Um… I’m not sure if I can do that. Yeah, I think… That’s as low as it can go, sir. I think that’s all the discounts that can be applied here. Let me transfer you to someone who knows how to do this better than I do. Can you hold please?
                My Phone: Ring, ring, ring! Ring, ring, ring! Phone call! Phone call!
                Me: Thank you for calling-
                SC: You again?! Damned bitch! Hangs up.
                Pwnd!

                Quoth Princess-Snake View Post
                Dr. Penelope Spectre
                SC: You do know this rate is absurdly high, right? Why, you’re practically cheating your customers.
                Me: I’m terribly sorry, ma’am, but that’s as low as I can manage.
                SC: My dear, this rate is most certainly not low. Did I do something wrong to you?
                Me: I’m sorry?
                SC: No, I’m sorry, dear, if I’ve offended you in some way to make you rise my rate up.
                Me: Ma’am I didn’t-
                SC: Or, do you do this to every customer? Do you get your revenge on them by rising up their rates?
                Me: I don’t-
                SC: Are you angry at us all? Why are you angry at us?
                See above
                This takes passive aggressive to a new low.

                Quoth Princess-Snake View Post
                Fright Knight
                SC: Do they celebrate Halloween in Greece?
                Me: I wouldn’t know that, sir.
                SC: You don’t know?! They had celebrate Halloween, or I’m not going!
                She should have planned a trip to Ireland, then. Hopefully, she'd find some druid cult that still celebrates Samhain in the traditional way.


                Quoth Princess-Snake View Post
                Dan Phantom *Warning Language*
                Me: Sir, that’s not right. That cannot be mathematically or logically possible.
                SC: You’re bad at math, aren’t you?
                Says the idiot who told me five minutes ago that the square root of twelve was five.
                My brain just exploded. I have a learning disability in math, and even I know that's not right.

                Here. Have some cookies and some Lots, and lots of
                They say that God only gives us what we can handle. Apparently, God thinks I'm a bad ass.

                Comment


                • #9
                  And eventually, President. Though honestly, I'd rather be a Supreme.
                  Customers should always be served . . . to the nearest great white.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Quoth Kristev View Post
                    And eventually, President. Though honestly, I'd rather be a Supreme.
                    Me, too - they're one of my favorite groups. Sadly, I can't sing a lick.

                    Sounds like the Halloween crazies are out earlier. Somebody needs to give them each a calendar and send them back to their graves.
                    Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Gonna catch 'em all cuz he's Danny Phantom, gonna catch 'em all cuz he's...Danny Phantom! I miss Danny Phantom.

                      There are some fucking crazy people out there. WOW.

                      Especially that last one, I'd want to shoot him with a pumpkin.
                      "And so all the night-tide, I lie down by the side of my darling, my darling, my life and my bride!"
                      "Hallo elskan min/Trui ekki hvad timinn lidur"
                      Amayis is my wifey

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Walker
                        sorry cletus; yous just haf ter wait ter blow them fuzzy critters away when ya get back to yer shack in dem dar hills.

                        Nocturne
                        i guess it's a step up from paying in gum? or pocket lint...?
                        look! it's ghengis khan!
                        Sorry, but while I can do many things, extracting heads from anuses isn't one of them. (so sayeth the irv)

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          What happened? Did your phone lines get crossed with Gravekeeper's?
                          When you start at zero, everything's progress.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Dave, is that you?
                            A lion however, will only devour your corpse, whereas an SC is not sated until they have destroyed your soul. (Quote per infinitemonkies)

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Quoth Princess-Snake View Post


                              Goes on for another twenty minutes with him interrupting and insulting our company and pigeons (I’m still not sure how that part came in).

                              Oh HELLS no , he needs to leave the pigeons out of it

                              I like pigeons. They're birds with attitude, strutting around with their little heads bobbin' about.
                              They're cool and they knows it

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