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WARNING: This post is very long, and involves some very personal situations. If that isn't what you are after, move along. Also, there is some mild swearing. FYI.
OK, so as you may know, my sister (Lynn) and I have a... difficult ...relationship (I have mentioned it a few times). That all changed recently.
Y'see, my sister and I have always had a difficult relationship. At times she would be mean and nasty, and other times we could talk about things and relate very well.
Now, my parents are divorced, remarried (to other people) and re-divorced. My dad is not some one I want to have a relationship with (for many, many reasons). I did try at one time to reconnect, but it didn't work out, and just left me with a bitter taste in my mouth. My sister knows this.
My mom has an Evil Twin(tm). Literally. My mom's twin sister financed my Dad's custody pursuit. Hence, my mom has no relationship with her sister. My sister not only knows this, she was the one who told my mom (this was about 15 years ago).
So, when my sister decided it was best for her daughter to get to know this side of the family, my mom was understandably upset, but kept it to herself around my sister. This, after all, was her decision to make.
However, when my sister decided that they needed to be present at all the special occasions for her children. My mom, my grandmother and I stopped attending the main events. We offered a compromise. We would cater a small gathering at my grandmother's house, all they had to do was set a date and time. This is something that my sister could never do.
Up until recently this has remained civil, but within the last 10 days my sister has managed to completely alienate my mom and myself.
Here's the situation:
My grandmother called last Saturday morning to inform my mom that Lynn had called to say she would be up "later" and that we may want to come up "early" for Family Game Night. Unbeknownst to us, (and my grandmother never called again) they showed up at 10AM (something my sister has never done) and left by the time we called up there at 330PM (FGN usually starts at ~6PM). My mom was royally pissed off. At my grandmother for not calling to tell us, and my sister for not feeling it was important to tell us that she was coming so we could see the kids.
Y'see I haven't seen them in 4 months. Not for lack of trying, but they don't seem to have the time for me. They live 10 miles away and can't visit my 83-yr old grandmother more than once in a 4 month period. There is NO excuse for that, IMO.
My mom was looking forward to seeing the kids and spent all day making treats for Halloween. When she found out they were there and gone, it was the final straw. My mom called Lynn and left a message blasting her for not letting us know about them coming to town.
A little while later she called back. While on the phone, her husband called my mom selfish. She's so selfish she lent him $1,000 to pay off a loan when they first got married. She's so selfish that when my paternal grandmother had a heart attack (10 yrs ago), she drove the three of us (my two sisters and I) down to Allentown so we could see her (I did mention that she really dislikes anything to do with my dad, right?).
Also, while on the phone to my mother, she said I was inappropriate with her children. I was standing right there and heard it.
I can't even really express how angry that made me.
Now, for quite sometime I had been considering writing a letter to her telling her how I felt she mistreated us, but my mom talked me out of it. Until then. I wrote a letter that night, and dropped it off on my way home, with all the goodies my mom had made.
By the time I got home, she had called and left a message on my mom's machine (my cell was w/o minutes). She only mentioned this specific element of my letter, and didn't even acknowledge the treats that were there, too.
So, yesterday I get a call from her, and she tries to tell me I didn't know what I was talking about.
Here are excerpts:
Lynn: (as condescending as you can get) Now, SC, you weren't there...
ME: I WAS STANDING RIGHT THERE YOU LYING LITTLE BITCH, I AM DONE WITH YOU. (end)
(ring)
Me: The Party you have dialed is unavailable, if you would like to leave a message, Go to Hell. (end)
She called a 3rd time, and left a message saying I had misunderstood. Nevermind that I was standing right there. If it was a misunderstanding the time to correct it was in the initial phone call (with my mom). Not 10 days later.
As far as I'm concerned, if she wants to apologize (and that window is closing fast) we can potentially have a relationship. But I can never, ever consider her as my sister again.
Now, you should know, that I'm the type of person that will constantly and consistently give the benefit of the doubt. It's very difficult for me not to at least try to perceive things from someone else's viewpoint. And as for Lynn, whenever I have in the past brought up the things she has said and done, she has pulled that line above, and been right, so, I would give her the benefit of the doubt. I just can't do that for her anymore. All I have right now is anger, and when that eventually dissipates, I'll have nothing as far as she is concerned.
I have tried. I would call to see if I could stop by, and be told that then wasn't good, and not be given an alternative as to when it would be convenient. Just an "I'll call you". Which she never did. I just was on my last leg with her as it was, and then she had to smash it with a sledgehammer.
I really needed to vent. Any advice you have would be appreciated, but most of this was a catharsis.
Thanks,
SC
OK, so as you may know, my sister (Lynn) and I have a... difficult ...relationship (I have mentioned it a few times). That all changed recently.
Y'see, my sister and I have always had a difficult relationship. At times she would be mean and nasty, and other times we could talk about things and relate very well.
Now, my parents are divorced, remarried (to other people) and re-divorced. My dad is not some one I want to have a relationship with (for many, many reasons). I did try at one time to reconnect, but it didn't work out, and just left me with a bitter taste in my mouth. My sister knows this.
My mom has an Evil Twin(tm). Literally. My mom's twin sister financed my Dad's custody pursuit. Hence, my mom has no relationship with her sister. My sister not only knows this, she was the one who told my mom (this was about 15 years ago).
So, when my sister decided it was best for her daughter to get to know this side of the family, my mom was understandably upset, but kept it to herself around my sister. This, after all, was her decision to make.
However, when my sister decided that they needed to be present at all the special occasions for her children. My mom, my grandmother and I stopped attending the main events. We offered a compromise. We would cater a small gathering at my grandmother's house, all they had to do was set a date and time. This is something that my sister could never do.
Up until recently this has remained civil, but within the last 10 days my sister has managed to completely alienate my mom and myself.
Here's the situation:
My grandmother called last Saturday morning to inform my mom that Lynn had called to say she would be up "later" and that we may want to come up "early" for Family Game Night. Unbeknownst to us, (and my grandmother never called again) they showed up at 10AM (something my sister has never done) and left by the time we called up there at 330PM (FGN usually starts at ~6PM). My mom was royally pissed off. At my grandmother for not calling to tell us, and my sister for not feeling it was important to tell us that she was coming so we could see the kids.
Y'see I haven't seen them in 4 months. Not for lack of trying, but they don't seem to have the time for me. They live 10 miles away and can't visit my 83-yr old grandmother more than once in a 4 month period. There is NO excuse for that, IMO.
My mom was looking forward to seeing the kids and spent all day making treats for Halloween. When she found out they were there and gone, it was the final straw. My mom called Lynn and left a message blasting her for not letting us know about them coming to town.
A little while later she called back. While on the phone, her husband called my mom selfish. She's so selfish she lent him $1,000 to pay off a loan when they first got married. She's so selfish that when my paternal grandmother had a heart attack (10 yrs ago), she drove the three of us (my two sisters and I) down to Allentown so we could see her (I did mention that she really dislikes anything to do with my dad, right?).
Also, while on the phone to my mother, she said I was inappropriate with her children. I was standing right there and heard it.
I can't even really express how angry that made me.
Now, for quite sometime I had been considering writing a letter to her telling her how I felt she mistreated us, but my mom talked me out of it. Until then. I wrote a letter that night, and dropped it off on my way home, with all the goodies my mom had made.
By the time I got home, she had called and left a message on my mom's machine (my cell was w/o minutes). She only mentioned this specific element of my letter, and didn't even acknowledge the treats that were there, too.
So, yesterday I get a call from her, and she tries to tell me I didn't know what I was talking about.
Here are excerpts:
Lynn: (as condescending as you can get) Now, SC, you weren't there...
ME: I WAS STANDING RIGHT THERE YOU LYING LITTLE BITCH, I AM DONE WITH YOU. (end)
(ring)
Me: The Party you have dialed is unavailable, if you would like to leave a message, Go to Hell. (end)
She called a 3rd time, and left a message saying I had misunderstood. Nevermind that I was standing right there. If it was a misunderstanding the time to correct it was in the initial phone call (with my mom). Not 10 days later.
As far as I'm concerned, if she wants to apologize (and that window is closing fast) we can potentially have a relationship. But I can never, ever consider her as my sister again.
Now, you should know, that I'm the type of person that will constantly and consistently give the benefit of the doubt. It's very difficult for me not to at least try to perceive things from someone else's viewpoint. And as for Lynn, whenever I have in the past brought up the things she has said and done, she has pulled that line above, and been right, so, I would give her the benefit of the doubt. I just can't do that for her anymore. All I have right now is anger, and when that eventually dissipates, I'll have nothing as far as she is concerned.
I have tried. I would call to see if I could stop by, and be told that then wasn't good, and not be given an alternative as to when it would be convenient. Just an "I'll call you". Which she never did. I just was on my last leg with her as it was, and then she had to smash it with a sledgehammer.
I really needed to vent. Any advice you have would be appreciated, but most of this was a catharsis.
Thanks,
SC
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