Here is one of my tales from a few months ago, during the terrible holiday season...
I had not even clocked in for the day, I was watching TV in the break room and wanted to go out and have a cigarette before I came in. I was walking on the runway (or racetrack, as some retail companys call them) and I passed a guy in this ridiculous straw gardening hat. The conversation went as follows, almost word for word:
SC: "I need help with these phones right here."
Me: "Okay sir, our mobile representatives are right over here (pointing 3 feet to the right to a desk of 5 available employees)- and any of them would be happy to help you"
SC: "I. AM. THE. CUSTOMER. I don't go to you. You come to me. If you want my services then YOU approach ME!! It's not MY job. So you get your ass over there and FETCH me someone who can help me out, GOT IT??!!
Now I am so pissed at this point, and hardly ever talk to customers like this, but as soon as they start dropping cuss bombs, the gloves come off.
Me: (as sweetly as i can) "Well sir, I am off the clock right now, so I really can't help you with that. You are more than welcome to let one of our other representatives how you feel. And last I checked, I'm not a dog, I don't FETCH.
You have a great day now"
And as karma would have it, the jackass had to come to my register later to check out. He of course complained about every little thing he could. I gave him a pouty face and some fake tears.
--"Stupidity isn't punishable by death. If it was, there'd be a hell of a population drop."--Laurell K. Hamilton, The Anita Blake Series