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Today will forever be known as Food and Drink “Tampering” Day.
Hair
Took two meals out to a couple. About five minutes later the woman started screaming.
SC: THERE’S A PUBIC HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIRRRR IN MY FOOOOOOOOOOOOODDD!
I rushed over.
Me: Did you just say there is a hair in your food? Can I take a look? Is everything OK?
She grabbed the plate and prevented me from reaching it.
SC: No! No! No! You’re not getting the chance to remove the evidence! There is a dirty, dirty body hair in my dinner!!!!!!11111!!!
Me: Can I just take a look?
SC: Noooooooooooooooooooo!!
Her boyfriend spoke up.
BF: Let him look. I want to see it too. I haven’t seen it.
SC: It’s ummm…gone.
Me: Gone?
SC: Yeah….ummm…it must have blown away….
I was feeling a bit confused. I didn’t want to start a conflict, as there was a chance that a hair might have ended up in her food (not a pubic one however) so I tried to find a happy-medium.
Me: Can I get you guys a drink for the inconvenience? Or perhaps a fresh meal?
SC: GO AWAY!!
Don’t know what the deal was. She didn’t demand compensation, she didn’t want anything and yet I am absolutely convinced she was lying.
Fluff
I carried out a meal to a woman that was wearing a very fluffy/shaggy red woollen jumper. She started eating. Five minutes later, she called me over.
SC: There is red fluff in my dinner!!!
I looked at it. It matched her jumper exactly.
SC: It has quite clearly come off the uniform of your dirty cook!
Me: Our cooks wear black and white. Not red. Perhaps it came off your own jumper.
SC: Do you have any idea how much this cost? It does not shed! It was your cooks uniform! Just admit it, idiot.
I would have been more polite had she not used the word idiot.
Me: Would you like me to bring the cook out to prove he isn’t wearing red???
SC: *blank stare*
Me: Fine then.
I heard her mutter “I’ve never encountered someone so rude in my life!!!!” to her friend.
Glass
Co-worker was working behind the bar. She accidentally knocked a wine glass onto the floor and smashed it. She quickly tidied it up. Suddenly, a customer called me over.
SC: A shard of glass landed in my drink!!!
The customer was sat about ten feet away from where CW broke the glass. He was also around the corner, so unless the shards of glass grew the capability of jumping over bar tops and bending around corners like bullets out of the movie Wanted, there was no way he was telling the truth.
His stupid wife jumped in.
SW: I think we should get a fresh bottle of wine for freeeeeeee!!
I looked. Oh yes. That’s why. They were almost finished with their first bottle.
Me: Can I just have a look in your glass?
SC: No you cannot!
Me: OK, I will just go grab a manager.
I couldn’t be bothered to deal with them. However, neither could manager. She did however offer them a free glass of wine each.
SC: We want a bottle!
M: I’m sorry, but you had practically finished your drinks. I’m more than happy to offer you a glass but that’s it.
SW: But you threw glass all over him!!!!111!!
M: No one threw glass over him.
SC: I got covered in glass and you’re not even offering compensation!
M: I have offered you a free glass of wine.
SW: THAT’S NOT WHAT WE WANT!!!!1111!!
M: That’s all you’re getting. Take it or leave it.
SC: We’ll leave it! But just you wait! We will….we will…well….just you wait!
They stormed out.
Seriously, there was no way in hell that the broken glass got within ten feet of them.
Hair
Took two meals out to a couple. About five minutes later the woman started screaming.
SC: THERE’S A PUBIC HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIRRRR IN MY FOOOOOOOOOOOOODDD!
I rushed over.
Me: Did you just say there is a hair in your food? Can I take a look? Is everything OK?
She grabbed the plate and prevented me from reaching it.
SC: No! No! No! You’re not getting the chance to remove the evidence! There is a dirty, dirty body hair in my dinner!!!!!!11111!!!
Me: Can I just take a look?
SC: Noooooooooooooooooooo!!
Her boyfriend spoke up.
BF: Let him look. I want to see it too. I haven’t seen it.
SC: It’s ummm…gone.
Me: Gone?
SC: Yeah….ummm…it must have blown away….
I was feeling a bit confused. I didn’t want to start a conflict, as there was a chance that a hair might have ended up in her food (not a pubic one however) so I tried to find a happy-medium.
Me: Can I get you guys a drink for the inconvenience? Or perhaps a fresh meal?
SC: GO AWAY!!
Don’t know what the deal was. She didn’t demand compensation, she didn’t want anything and yet I am absolutely convinced she was lying.
Fluff
I carried out a meal to a woman that was wearing a very fluffy/shaggy red woollen jumper. She started eating. Five minutes later, she called me over.
SC: There is red fluff in my dinner!!!
I looked at it. It matched her jumper exactly.
SC: It has quite clearly come off the uniform of your dirty cook!
Me: Our cooks wear black and white. Not red. Perhaps it came off your own jumper.
SC: Do you have any idea how much this cost? It does not shed! It was your cooks uniform! Just admit it, idiot.
I would have been more polite had she not used the word idiot.
Me: Would you like me to bring the cook out to prove he isn’t wearing red???
SC: *blank stare*
Me: Fine then.
I heard her mutter “I’ve never encountered someone so rude in my life!!!!” to her friend.
Glass
Co-worker was working behind the bar. She accidentally knocked a wine glass onto the floor and smashed it. She quickly tidied it up. Suddenly, a customer called me over.
SC: A shard of glass landed in my drink!!!
The customer was sat about ten feet away from where CW broke the glass. He was also around the corner, so unless the shards of glass grew the capability of jumping over bar tops and bending around corners like bullets out of the movie Wanted, there was no way he was telling the truth.
His stupid wife jumped in.
SW: I think we should get a fresh bottle of wine for freeeeeeee!!
I looked. Oh yes. That’s why. They were almost finished with their first bottle.
Me: Can I just have a look in your glass?
SC: No you cannot!
Me: OK, I will just go grab a manager.
I couldn’t be bothered to deal with them. However, neither could manager. She did however offer them a free glass of wine each.
SC: We want a bottle!
M: I’m sorry, but you had practically finished your drinks. I’m more than happy to offer you a glass but that’s it.
SW: But you threw glass all over him!!!!111!!
M: No one threw glass over him.
SC: I got covered in glass and you’re not even offering compensation!
M: I have offered you a free glass of wine.
SW: THAT’S NOT WHAT WE WANT!!!!1111!!
M: That’s all you’re getting. Take it or leave it.
SC: We’ll leave it! But just you wait! We will….we will…well….just you wait!
They stormed out.
Seriously, there was no way in hell that the broken glass got within ten feet of them.
I really loved the "GO AWAY!" HAHA, scam-fail!
and expecting people to fall for lame scams ISN'T rude? 
)
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