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This is an old one from my front store pharmacy days, but it's still one of my favorite stories.
We used to close up at nine, and were really good at closing up quickly and cleanly. It had been a slow night, and we only had one last minute shopper, a scruffy guy who immediately set off some red flags. We heard a car running outside. He seemed to be trying to scope out where everyone was. Yep, likely thief, making his way into the aisles to scoop up some goodies.
It's closing, and we only have one register open. This means that every employee in the store was waiting up front near the registers and doors. We see a head poke out from behind the last aisle, then pull back.
Oh, it's on, muthafucka.
He peeks out again, and all four of us young high school and college guys give him a biiiiig smile, and a couple of the girls wave. He makes the only intelligent decision he would make that night, and walks out empty handed.
Oh, but it does not end here, my friends, oh no.
We immediately hear, "Fuck! Where the fuck did that bitch go with my car!!!!" There was a lot of profanity in that parking lot, folks. It was some obscene magic. He ranted on about how she stole his car, and then just walked off into the night. The basket he left behind was filled with CD players, with one page of a flyer on top to hide it.
A coworker would actually see him walking along the nearby highway when he was driving home that night.
And that is the story of the dumbest shoplifter to ever set foot in my old store.
We used to close up at nine, and were really good at closing up quickly and cleanly. It had been a slow night, and we only had one last minute shopper, a scruffy guy who immediately set off some red flags. We heard a car running outside. He seemed to be trying to scope out where everyone was. Yep, likely thief, making his way into the aisles to scoop up some goodies.
It's closing, and we only have one register open. This means that every employee in the store was waiting up front near the registers and doors. We see a head poke out from behind the last aisle, then pull back.
Oh, it's on, muthafucka.
He peeks out again, and all four of us young high school and college guys give him a biiiiig smile, and a couple of the girls wave. He makes the only intelligent decision he would make that night, and walks out empty handed.
Oh, but it does not end here, my friends, oh no.
We immediately hear, "Fuck! Where the fuck did that bitch go with my car!!!!" There was a lot of profanity in that parking lot, folks. It was some obscene magic. He ranted on about how she stole his car, and then just walked off into the night. The basket he left behind was filled with CD players, with one page of a flyer on top to hide it.
A coworker would actually see him walking along the nearby highway when he was driving home that night.
And that is the story of the dumbest shoplifter to ever set foot in my old store.
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