A canonical list of SCs

[Mark Healey]

I just thought it might make some posts shorter if there was a list of archetypal SC's.

Here's a few that come to mind right now.

The Haggler. - This guy tries to get a discount on everything. I've had people try to haggle on a U.$5.00 paperback. Some of these people just ask reflexively before even looking at the price. For some reason they all seem to be from New York or third world countries.

The Parking Scammer. - They want validation just for walking into the store. When told that there has there has to be some kind of transaction they come out with the "I'm a regular customer", and of course it's the first time you've seen them.

The Corporate Devil Woman. - She makes a lot of money doing something completely non productive consequently she thinks she is entitled to all your attention and abject subservience.

The Brood Mare. - Thinks that the fact that she has spawned means she doesn't have to consider anyone other than her kids.

The Lost Boy/Girl - Expects you to find everything for them. Phrases like "They are sorted by authors last name." mean nothing to them.

[no handle for this one]. - A lonely person who insist on hanging in the store and engaging you in conversation about his weird obsession.

Mr. Validate My Purchase. - Wants you to tell them how smart they are for buying what they just bought. Of course you can't tell them that Fung Shui is crap and Oswald acted alone.

I'm sure the rest of you will have additions to this list.

[darko31]

The Stroker -picks your brain for hours on end about some expensive product just to go buy off ebay or newegg.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

The Comparison Shopper-keeps saying things like "Well, STAPLES is cheaper."

[Worker-Intellectual]

The nonexistance denier: Asks if you have any more of a certain product. When the inventory says zero, asks if you can check the back. When there are none in the back, denies that they dont exist in this store and wither asks to speak to a manager or asks the cashier, who then calls you saying she has a customer looking for that product.

[chainedbarista]

[no handle for this one]. - A lonely person who insist on hanging in the store and engaging you in conversation about his weird obsession.

how about 'mr. freaky lonelyheart?'

'mr./ms. i'llhavemyregular' this person is always in a hurry, regardless of the day or time they come in.

spawn swarm: a group of young, unattended and generally ill-mannered children who make a great deal of noise, mess and headaches after purchasing ONE small drink.

mr./ms. tantrum: throws a big baby style hissy fit if you're out of their drink; double the fit if that drink was seasonal. also applies to those who absolutely positively MUST have pastry x; if you are out of pastry x, be prepared for a whinefest that lasts their entire stay.

mr./ms. doyouhaveakeytothebathroom?: always asks if we have a key; the answer is always no-we never have and never will have a key. if the door handle doesn't open the door, get this, it means someone's in there. what a concept.

the freebie whore: the title says it all.

[April]

The second opinioner(my made up word)-The person who doesn't like your answer and walks around the store asking every other employee who either says the same thing, or referrs them to you

The wander and dropper-The person who wanders around a store, picks up something and carries it for awhile, decides they don't want it and leaves it wherever. Bonus points if it's perishable

The TMI-The person who insists on telling you exactly why they are buying preparation H and how they got the problem to begin with.

The WAAAAY TMI-er-The person who tells you why they are buying 16 bottles of KY jelly and 3 packages of rubber gloves and then describes in detail how they are going to use them

The desperate for a date-The greasy guy who comes into stores and attempts to use them as thier personal dating service, using the cashiers as thier captive audience. So desperate that they will hit on pregnant women, teenage girls etc

[Araby]

The Constant Complainer - no matter what you do to please them, they will find something wrong. Even if they have to put their own hair in their food, which leads to my second one:

The Food Scammer - Tend to be believed at first, but if you come every two weeks and are the only customer who finds a hair, it's a little fishy. Even a bad manager will catch on to this. They are regulars for as long as the free food comes.

The How Are You Today? I Am Long Island Iced Tea - Walk up to a table and say a friendly hello, how are you? They respond with their drink or food order.

The Ignorers - After several attempts to get the attention of a group, the waiter finally walks away to tend to other tables. They get snotty when you come back to take their order because they had to wait so long. Bonus points if they flag another waiter down. Double bonus if they ask to speak to a manager.

The I Can't Believe you Ate the Whole Thing - Cleans their plate and when I clear it and ask how it was, say it was terrible. My quizzical look and "You ate it all?!" tends to be met with, "Well, I was hungry!" Mind you, I've been to the table a few minutes after they get the food, and they never complain then, when things could be changed.

[One-Fang]

Madam Forgetful - manifests in several behaviours including but not limited to: always brings in items to return, never has a receipt, despite being told every single week she needs one; brings expired coupons every single week and waits while the checkout operator has to go through every single one to weed them down; asks about product X, then product Y, mmm, and how about product X?

Mean Bastard - literally just gets his jollies making physically small women and new staff cry. Probably has some kind of bad life, and chooses to take this out on complete strangers, but only those who can't defend themselves.

And Man - keeps making statements to which you just want to say "..and?", like "Other store has this cheaper" or "I want completely ridiculous over-the-top service that you don't even offer or I'm going to your competitor" or "I know your manager".

[Jester]

Quoth chainedbarista

mr./ms. doyouhaveakeytothebathroom?: always asks if we have a key; the answer is always no-we never have and never will have a key. if the door handle doesn't open the door, get this, it means someone's in there. what a concept.

Actually, I DO have the key to the bathroom. One of the WONDERFUL benefits of working in a HOTEL bar. And yes....I get to use my own discretion as to who to give it to and who not to give it to.

On this topic, I can't let it go without adding Mr. Not Ready for Prime Time: A guy is constantly making jokes and smartass comments and thinks he is hilarious...but very much isn't. (Much different from the guy who is constantly making jokes and smartass comments and actually IS damn hilarious.)

Also, I must add a non-SC archetype. The type I dearly LOVE to wait on every single time, and I am saying this sincerely, with no sarcasm. The Little Old Ladies Who Are There to Drink Beer and Have Fun. These are NOT your typical seniors, and they are always just wonderful joys to wait on and to be around. Absolute sweethearts, know how to tip, and don't have a mean bone in their body.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

The time bomb: the person who makes a big feces mess in the restrooms

The Paris Hilton: the person who calls the store, rattles off a list of things she wants, and instructs us to have it all up and bagged at the service desk so she can come in and pay for it later. Basically she expects us to be her personal shoppers (I just call them Paris Hiltons because Paris seems like the kind of VIP who can have a personal shopper)

The Comparison Shopper, Part Deux: the person who calls the store, asks us our price on a particular item, asks us to put it on hold for her at the service desk, and then never picks it up, probably because she called other stores asking about the same item and bought it at the store that had it for the lowest price.

The Lonely Old Man: the old man who comes into the store 3 or 4 times a day and tries to make conversation with all the employees because that's basically his entire social life.

The Ritalin Advertisement: the kid who races around the store riding the display bikes, destroying aisles and endcaps, and screams at mother begging for a candy bar.

The Stinky Guy: pretty much self-explanatory

Mr/Ms "I'm too important to wait in line": the idiot who goes to the service desk to check out with a cart heaping full of clothes, dog food, packs of bottled water, etc. because he/she doesn't feel like waiting in line at the checkouts

The argument for more homework in the public schools: the kids (generally middle-school aged) who hang out at the store and do nothing but cause trouble.