Come on dude, I just sat down, you gotta bug me this early in the shift?
Ring ring, ring ring.
Rainman: Corporate security this is Rainman, how can I help you?
Entitled Fuckwit (EF): Yeah, Rainman this is Entitled Fuckwit.
Rainman: (waits a few seconds. Oh! You were done speaking?) Okay. . . and?
EF: Pfffff, you don't recognize my name? Some customer service YOU provide!
Rainman: This is XXX Bank Corporate Security sir, are you sure you have the correct number?
EF: It better be, I've been on the phone for over an hour and have been transfered twice already trying to get this problem nipped in the bud.
Rainman: Okay, so who are you exactly? Do you work for the bank or are you one of our vendors or something?
EF: I told you, its EF!!
Rainman: That name means nothing to me sir, you are going to have to give me a bit more information.
EF: Jesus! (sigh) Im a very important customer of the bank here! You would think you would know about your important customers!
Rainman: We have over 600 branches sir, and my job has literally nothing to do with our customer base. It is in no way my job to know who you are. That being said, I'm surprised someone would transfer you, a customer, to my dept, but why don't you tell me what the problem is.
EF: Finally! Someone willing to do his job! See I am trying to make a large deposit and your branch is locked up! Its the middle of the afternoon, what gives?
Rainman: (Okay, you forgot there was a holiday, no real foul there. I explain it is a bank holiday today)
EF: Oh I know! But I need to make this deposit today! As I said, this is a major problem!
Rainman: Well the bank is closed sir, I don't really know what else to tell you.
EF: Well you're security, can't you remotely disarm alarms or something?
Rainman: I am not going to answer that sir, but say I can, what would be the point? The doors are physically locked and there are no employees. What exactly do you expect to get done? I am sorry, but your deposit will have to wait for tomorrow.
EF: BULLSHIT! you could get a bank employee down here if you wanted to!
Rainman: Pheraps in the event of an emergency of some kind where they were needed but. . .
EF: Ahha! Well this IS an emergency! So get someone down here!
Rainman: And how exactly is this an emergency that a bank employee can fix? (This I HAVE to hear)
EF: I don't have to tell you that! (Damn, no ridiculous "emergency" story)
Rainman: You do if you expect me to even begin considering the idea of calling bank employees at home on a holiday.
EF: Its a personal matter and I don't have to tell you!
Rainman: Then we have nothing left to discuss sir.
EF: Wait wait! Im sorry, its not an emergency, I just really need to do this today!
Rainman: So you lied.
EF: Well, yes. . . but its for a good reason!
Rainman: I don't really care what your reason is sir, the bank is closed today, end of story.
EF: This is fucking bullshit! I am a very important customer of this bank! Is this how you treat all your VIPs?
Rainman: Look sir, just stop and think for a minute. You are actually asking that we open the entire branch just for you, just so you make one transaction. Doesn't that sound silly? (stupid?)
EF: Not for someone like me! I bet you any money if I closed my accounts and went to YYY bank they would do it! What would your supervisor have to say about THAT huh? (Wow, I can hear your smug smile through the phone)
Rainman: I know for a certainty he would not care at all, as I've said, my dept has nothing to do with bank customers.
EF: Yeah? Well. . .
Rainman: Look sir, this call needs to end. Im sorry but you will have to wait until tomorrow to make your deposit. I am sorry I couldn't be of more assistence (no, Im not) but I have to get back to my duties now. Have a nice day.
EF: WHAT!? DONT YOU DARE HANG UP ON. . . "click"
GAH! Some people.