Tweet
I don't have any friends left.
I alluded to this situation in my Cursing out Coworkers thread recently, but I could still use advice. I'll start from the beginning, so buckle up, this'll take a while.
I was accepted to a very popular university in spring 2011, when I was in high school. This college is in a great town, considering the state. I set up a profile on the school's roommate finding service. Several days later, I got a message from a guy who wanted to get to know me, to see if we could be roommates. I'll call him A. A was really great. He and I had a lot in common, but we also had some major differences between us, which made us interesting to each other. I'm gay, he isn't; he's a musician, I'm not, etc. I almost felt like he was a friend by the time we moved into ourbroomcloset dorm room.
We moved in last fall, and we became really close. We also met a lot of people we became friends with, including Rhttp://www.customerssuck.com/board/s...ad.php?t=94090 from my other thread. I was really happy, but then I developed clinical depression. It wasn't really caused by anything, besides a genetic predisposition to it, which makes it difficult to treat. A and I were best friends at this point, and he was very supportive and helpful. There were days I couldn't get out of bed, and the highlight of my day was when he came back from class to spend time with me. Anyway, winter break came, and I drove the 300 miles back to my parents. A is from the town the university is in. His house is a fifteen minute walk from campus.
When I got back to the school on January 2nd, everything was different. He wanted to change rooms, because being my roommate was stressful for him. He promised me we would still be best friends, though. He moved across the hallway and lived with a guy named Ben. Ben had never liked me, and was very vocal about it. That's important later. Anyway, several days after that, A stopped talking to me. He didn't answer his phone if I called or texted, he ignored me when he saw me, and he blocked me on Facebook. I wrote him a letter telling him that I'm really sorry for bothering him, and I know my depression is stressful on my friends, and that sort of thing.
A went crazy after that. He went to the school's committee in charge of the mentally ill, and told them I was planning on killing myself in the dorm. This wasn't true at all. I was suspended for a week, while my doctors explained the situation to them. When they revoked the suspension, the committee banned me from living on campus, with the hope that I would drop out. I didn't drop out, and I lived in the on-campus $80/night hotel for a month before I found an apartment.
In the meantime, A and Ben went around and told all of the friends I had in common with them all sorts of terrible rumors. I'm a stalker. I'm suicidal. People shouldn't talk to me, because I'm going to stalk them if they acknowledge that I exist. I lost every friend I made at college because of this. The rumors were substantiated because I was banned from visiting the residence hall I lived in as a part of the suspension-lifting. The RAs were told to call the police if they saw me in or near the building, and they told the other residents. Nobody wants to be friends with the crazy stalker that is banned from the building, and talking to me was generally discouraged, as I later learned from people who have since stopped talking to me.
I was suspended January 2012. It's been almost a year now. My life is in bad shape. I don't have any friends anymore, and even though there are 30,000 students at my school, it seems that every student group I want to join has at least one person in it who believe that I'm a stalker, and they aren't afraid to share that theory with the group. I was fired from my volunteer position off campus when R did that, and I've had to leave student groups because the looks I got from people were too much. Last Friday, Ben pointed me out in the restaurant I was in. It was so embarrassing that I started crying, and had to leave. I hit myself when I got back to my apartment.
I feel like an elderly woman. I go home to my cat, and that's all I have. My attempts to socialize have failed. I refuse to transfer schools, because the stress of moving is too much for me with my health.
Everyone else is having a fantastic time. A's best friend sometimes talks to me. He told me that A has had the best year of his life. He's already had a very interesting life, and he's only 20. His father is very famous in the music industry, and sometimes teaches a course at the school, so the school isn't really open to the idea that this famous person's son could be misrepresenting me to people.
I really don't know what to do. I'm in therapy, and I have a psychiatrist and meds and all of that good stuff. I don't have any real friends, though, and I've been attacked a few times as a result of the events I've just described. To be completely honest, I would probably kill myself if it wouldn't ruin my parents' lives. I don't know how to deal with the looks I get, or the stunned responses I get from strangers when they mention anything relating friends:
Employee at natural organic grocery store, who sees me choosing which whole-leaf tea to buy: "I really love the Sencha. I have my friends over for tea every week. Do you ever do anything like that with your friends?"
Me: "Oh. I kinda don't have any."
Employee: "You don't have any tea?"
Me: "No, friends."
Employee:
Various form of this conversation happen on a weekly basis. I don't really like to lie to people.
Can anyone suggest anything, besides transferring? I'm at the point where my therapist told me that next semester, I need to go to student groups that I have no interest in, just for the human contact.
I was accepted to a very popular university in spring 2011, when I was in high school. This college is in a great town, considering the state. I set up a profile on the school's roommate finding service. Several days later, I got a message from a guy who wanted to get to know me, to see if we could be roommates. I'll call him A. A was really great. He and I had a lot in common, but we also had some major differences between us, which made us interesting to each other. I'm gay, he isn't; he's a musician, I'm not, etc. I almost felt like he was a friend by the time we moved into our
We moved in last fall, and we became really close. We also met a lot of people we became friends with, including Rhttp://www.customerssuck.com/board/s...ad.php?t=94090 from my other thread. I was really happy, but then I developed clinical depression. It wasn't really caused by anything, besides a genetic predisposition to it, which makes it difficult to treat. A and I were best friends at this point, and he was very supportive and helpful. There were days I couldn't get out of bed, and the highlight of my day was when he came back from class to spend time with me. Anyway, winter break came, and I drove the 300 miles back to my parents. A is from the town the university is in. His house is a fifteen minute walk from campus.
When I got back to the school on January 2nd, everything was different. He wanted to change rooms, because being my roommate was stressful for him. He promised me we would still be best friends, though. He moved across the hallway and lived with a guy named Ben. Ben had never liked me, and was very vocal about it. That's important later. Anyway, several days after that, A stopped talking to me. He didn't answer his phone if I called or texted, he ignored me when he saw me, and he blocked me on Facebook. I wrote him a letter telling him that I'm really sorry for bothering him, and I know my depression is stressful on my friends, and that sort of thing.
A went crazy after that. He went to the school's committee in charge of the mentally ill, and told them I was planning on killing myself in the dorm. This wasn't true at all. I was suspended for a week, while my doctors explained the situation to them. When they revoked the suspension, the committee banned me from living on campus, with the hope that I would drop out. I didn't drop out, and I lived in the on-campus $80/night hotel for a month before I found an apartment.
In the meantime, A and Ben went around and told all of the friends I had in common with them all sorts of terrible rumors. I'm a stalker. I'm suicidal. People shouldn't talk to me, because I'm going to stalk them if they acknowledge that I exist. I lost every friend I made at college because of this. The rumors were substantiated because I was banned from visiting the residence hall I lived in as a part of the suspension-lifting. The RAs were told to call the police if they saw me in or near the building, and they told the other residents. Nobody wants to be friends with the crazy stalker that is banned from the building, and talking to me was generally discouraged, as I later learned from people who have since stopped talking to me.
I was suspended January 2012. It's been almost a year now. My life is in bad shape. I don't have any friends anymore, and even though there are 30,000 students at my school, it seems that every student group I want to join has at least one person in it who believe that I'm a stalker, and they aren't afraid to share that theory with the group. I was fired from my volunteer position off campus when R did that, and I've had to leave student groups because the looks I got from people were too much. Last Friday, Ben pointed me out in the restaurant I was in. It was so embarrassing that I started crying, and had to leave. I hit myself when I got back to my apartment.
I feel like an elderly woman. I go home to my cat, and that's all I have. My attempts to socialize have failed. I refuse to transfer schools, because the stress of moving is too much for me with my health.
Everyone else is having a fantastic time. A's best friend sometimes talks to me. He told me that A has had the best year of his life. He's already had a very interesting life, and he's only 20. His father is very famous in the music industry, and sometimes teaches a course at the school, so the school isn't really open to the idea that this famous person's son could be misrepresenting me to people.
I really don't know what to do. I'm in therapy, and I have a psychiatrist and meds and all of that good stuff. I don't have any real friends, though, and I've been attacked a few times as a result of the events I've just described. To be completely honest, I would probably kill myself if it wouldn't ruin my parents' lives. I don't know how to deal with the looks I get, or the stunned responses I get from strangers when they mention anything relating friends:
Employee at natural organic grocery store, who sees me choosing which whole-leaf tea to buy: "I really love the Sencha. I have my friends over for tea every week. Do you ever do anything like that with your friends?"
Me: "Oh. I kinda don't have any."
Employee: "You don't have any tea?"
Me: "No, friends."
Employee:
Various form of this conversation happen on a weekly basis. I don't really like to lie to people.
Can anyone suggest anything, besides transferring? I'm at the point where my therapist told me that next semester, I need to go to student groups that I have no interest in, just for the human contact.
get stuff out of your head to go over with the therapist. DRAW if you need to. Something to get it out. Now, because you're self aware, I give you 
and 
.
Comment