cocktails only a d***head would order

[TheSHAD0W]

I thought Jester would get a kick out of this article... (NSFW language)

[PepperElf]

i guess that makes me a jerk... I ordered a Vesper once. My BF told me not to, told me I wouldn't like it... and yeah, I didn't.

although... is it bad that the old fashioned looks pretty tasty to me?

[XCashier]

And I like strawberry daiquiris, too...

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

I have been known to order old fashioneds. With brandy. It's a Wisconsin thing, you wouldn't understand.

Frankly this, and all articles like it, sucks. Why should people have to feel like they're offending somebody by ordering what they want?

[flybye023]

I don't drink so I don't really know much about those particular drinks (or any drink really ) but the whole article seemed mean-spirited.

I kinda agreed with most of the commenters, especially the one talking about out about the virgin drinks--his girlfriend has an allergy or sensitivity to alcohol and unless she wants to just sit there watching others drink or stick to water what's she supposed to do?

[Kaylyn]

Wow, yeah, only got as far as strawberry daiquiri before getting pissed off. The article makes it sound like everybody that drinks MUST only want to get drunk. Heaven forbid anyone drinks a certain drink because they like the taste and just want to take the edge off, not get shitfaced.

[Food Lady]

I will continue to order my old-fashioneds because they remind me of my dad. I don't give a hoot what anyone else thinks of that.

[csquared]

I am interested in seeing what our resident bartenders have to say.

However, in my opinion, the only d***head is the author. Part of the quality you get in the drink is the skill of the bartender. That is one of the reasons I don't drink Frozen Margaritas out of a Slushy machine. If the bartender can't be bothered to take the time to make a complicated drink, then let's just serve simple drinks and replace the bartender with a machine.

I will also say that if you order a complex drink, tip well.

[Silvercat]

Tell me he's full of shit that bars don't have dry vermouth. I don't drink at bars because I'm cheap, but that seems wrong to me.

[taxguykarl]

I like strawberry daiquiris, too...

As does my mom.

I have been known to order old fashioneds. With brandy.

Sounds good, I'll give it a try.

Tell me he's full of shit that bars don't have dry vermouth.

I too find that hard to believe, especially since the martini (and all the variations) are so common these days...hell, I saw a whole page of martini variations on one bar menu once. I typically opt for a Manhattan myself.

[KiaKat]

American cocktail culture is seeing a comeback, especially with the explosion in numbers of artisan liquor crafters we've seen over the last five or so years. Craft bitters & syrups are adding to this, and the bartenders who are getting work are the ones who know how to CRAFT a cocktail, not just dump a bunch of crap in a Boston shaker and go to town.

Articles like this are at least ten years behind the trend, and are horrid bits of writing.

Old Fashioneds are absolutely incredible when well-done. So are Gin Fizzes, and a properly made Sour (i.e. dry-shaken egg white), and all of those other awesome and sort of incredibly difficult classic drinks.

Every bar has vermouth. Even if it's just M&R, they have it. The good ones are stocking ones like Dolin and Cocchi. Martinis are classic, and never going out of style.

Frozen daiquiris are a pain, sure, but when done well, the customer's positive response is like crack. Keep it coming.

Lime-flavoured beer is disgusting, in my mind, but you know what? If that's what the customer wants, that's what the customer is getting. *I'M* not the one swigging that swill.

Virgin drinks aren't in the least a pain to make. And it usually means there's a designated driver, which means one more group I don't have to watch carefully.

See, here's the thing - all those ridiculous cocktails, the whatever-tinis and the kitchen-sink punches? Those are all based off the classics. Martini, Manhattan, Sidecar, Old Fashioned, Daiquiri, etc. Any bartender worth their salt at least KNOWS these cocktails, even if they never make them. And they know that keeping the customer happy, at the end of the day, is the goal.

No matter what ridiculous concoction they order.

[sms001]

I have been known to order old fashioneds. With brandy. It's a Wisconsin thing, you wouldn't understand.

Frankly this, and all articles like it, sucks. Why should people have to feel like they're offending somebody by ordering what they want?

Spot on Irv. Up here is the FIRST place I've ever been asked "Whiskey or Brandy" when ordering an Old Fashioned.

As a bartender for quite some years, I agree with the general response - this is a cynical, mean spirited article. Long story short, unless you have an entire night of this stuff, one order is pretty much like another. A round of frozens is a hassle, but is likely to be followed by a few rounds of beer bottles. Virgins are certainly as easy/the same to make as alcohol drinks, and the profit margin is VERY large.
If it is slow at a speed bar*, or if I'm working someplace customer-centric, we actually WANT you to experiment and find something you like - you're more likely to order another and/or stay longer.
And as with the trend to call ANY thing served in a cocktail glass a Xxxtini, if we think you're a simpleton or a noob or a pleb, it's our job to hide that feeling and make it, then rake in the tips for making you feel sophisticated and debonair.


*If it is NOT slow, and you're dithering, I've got no problem with shoving a menu at you and saying "I'll be back in a few, gotta take care of these other folks."

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

I got laughed at by my college newspaper pals for ordering an Old-Fashioned at a TGI Friday's. They were drinking girly drinks or Tanqueray and Tonic.

Whatevs. The Old-Fashioned is the Chuck Taylor of cocktails. It will never go out of style. If you can't make a decent one, you have no business being a bartender.

If this writer is or ever was a bartender, she's the kind who thinks all she has to do is mix crap in a shaker, pour tap beers, and get laid every night.